Grocery Store Artifact: Preach it, Piper!

Welcome to my world.

Scenes from Countdown #46 (June 2007).

Memorial Day

Memorial Day isn't about a Midnight Madness weekend mattress sale or three days off from work, but a call for a nation to reflect on the sacrifices made by our citizens. No matter how you feel about the rationalization for any war, past or present, don't forget that it is human beings and not slogans, flags or banners that are in harms' way.

To those who fought,

To those who objected,

To those who came home,

To those who remained on the field,

To those who were reunited with their families,

To those who were orphaned and widowed,

To those who believed and did their duty,

To those who did not believe but served anyways,

To those who sent others into battle,

To those who led the charge.

These are the people Memorial Day is for. If one does anything today to mark the occasion it should be to pledge that the each conflict is the last one and work for it until it becomes true.

Garrigan's BEMs

Planet Stories (May 1951).

Share the Gene Colan love!

Here's a Gene Colan-drawn tale of a girl trying way too hard to find love and romance. This is another cautionary story from the Marvel Romance Department credited to Stan Lee. Marge is unsuccessful at finding a boyfriend, even though she is cute and a lot of fun. After reading a romance comic book she happened to have lying around the house, Marge realizes that she is changing her behavior and sabotaging her own relationships. She then vows to change but just continues on the same course, not really changing even though she believes she does. She goes from one extreme to another.

Marge then takes relationship cues and adapts her behavior by emulating the characters from such sources as comic books and popular cinema all with disastrous results. Predictably, Marge tries and fails at love using one false persona after another until she finally takes on the long-forgotten character of the one special girl any boy would be sure to fall in love with!

But who could that be? Read and find out!


That's right! Marge choose to be just herself and found true love! Of course, her real self is a flaky, weird, neurotic schizoid with a tenuous grasp on reality as only Stan Lee could write her, but she's cute as heck! Yet, that is okay. As every boy knows, attractiveness goes a long way to balance out the crazy side of the scale.

From Our Love Story #36 (October 1975).

Totally uninformed opinion

McCain is surely self-destructing a bit but the media seems to ignore it as usual. I'm cynical enough to think that it sure feels like the fix is in for him to be our next President.

I don't know if Barack or Hillary will be the better choice, but I sure know I don't want another Republican in the White House. I heard McCain giving a speech on the radio while I was driving in to work the other day and I actually thought it was Bush for a while. The manner of speech, tone, topics and cadence sounded exactly like an old speech from George. I've had enough of that. Plus, he's 72 years old and McCain himself said long ago he would be too old to run in 2008. Think about Reagan's mental state during the latter part of his Presidency, who around him was actually running the country back then and take note that the same people are in the halls of power today.

Clinton really needs to suck it up and throw her support behind Obama and beg to be Co-President as soon as feasible and in a way that she does not appear to be weak or a quitter.

You know, I am getting tired of never voting someone in but always voting someone out.

Starring William Baldwin as Richie Rich

Richie Rich #39 (November 1965).

Wife of the Party!

No election is complete without a few things to interest the voters other than the important issues of the economy, terror and immigration! Namely, plenty of sex, sleazy campaign managers, a brain-dead populace, torrid affairs, and factoring in public opinion when choosing a spouse!

From Our Love Story #28 (June 1974).

Science vs. Superstition

Science wins!

Science always wins when up against spooks and devils, though often the loser disputes the outcome. Such is the power of fear, gullibility and delusion.

From Devil Kids #2 (September 1962).

Homeless in La Jolla: The Movie

Some say that years ago he used to be a fashion model. Take away the years of self-abuse and one could see from his build and bone structure that in his younger days it could have been possible that once he made hearts beat faster from interest whereas now it would be from the fear of being accosted.

He was discovered drunk and barely conscious in a loading dock driveway, empty beer cans nearby. When someone asked him to move out of the driveway so a delivery truck could pull into the loading dock he started screaming and crying. He said he has AIDS. He said he is having a seizure. He said "If I could get up I would knock you in the head." He said he can't walk. This was probably a new development because the last time I saw him he was running at high speed out the door of a grocery store after shoplifting a chicken and several bottles of alcohol. He begged for an ambulance. In spite of the threat of violence (or because of it) someone called the police and paramedics to assist him. His journey from walking a runway to crawling in the street could be an interesting and cautionary tale.

My two cents on Gene Colan

As many have reported, comics veteran and my personal fave comic artist Gene Colan is ill and is having difficulty meeting the expenses of health care. There are available auctions of his work and some creators have pledged that a portion or all of profits from their material will go to Mr. Colan.

While buying some more Colan goodies is fine, I prefer the direct donation approach the TCJ recommended. You can go to Paypal and make a direct donation to Gene at genecolan@optonline.net. Now, I am by no means rolling in cash myself but I can spare a few bucks out of my Economic Stimulus check for the Colans. While the Government would probably prefer I go buy a television with it I'm using it to reduce my bills a bit and give myself a break, just like much of the populace of America will likewise be doing. Instead of buying that new memory card for the camera, patio furniture or that Starbucks travel mug you had your eye on skip a few coffees in the morning and make a donation to Gene, who gave us all so much over so many years. You'll never miss it and you'll do a good thing.

Get well soon, Gene!

The page above from Tomb of Dracula #50 is actually one of the few pieces of original art I own I have not divested myself of. When I saw it way back in the 1980s at the San Diego Comic Con I just had to have it. No, it isn't for sale and it never will be. When I do part with it I will probably donate it a museum or library or something.

Young Tarzan - JERK!

It's amazing Tarzan survived to grow into adulthood.

From Pizzazz #2 (November 1977).

She started out pretty and smart

Click the picture to "Fly Me".

Info page about the airline personnel who serve you while on your flight. From the 1968 issue of AstroComics, an American Airlines giveaway comic book published by Harvey Comics promoting air travel.

Speed Racer - Alternate opening theme

I'm not a fan of the 70s import Speed Racer cartoon. The thrifty animation, dialog, that stupid kid brother and chimpanzee irritated me to no end. But I did always like the English and Japanese opening theme songs as they are fun and peppy. While not enthusiastic about that particular entry of anime I am very much a fan of angry, selfish alternative songstresses. So with the (short-lived) interest in all things Speed due to the live-action movie that was just released I'm presenting a third opening title sequence for your enjoyment featuring the music styling of the sometimes-uncompromising singer-songwriter Liz Phair.

It's Liz Phair, so obviously the video contains some NSFB (Not Safe For Bully) language.

Evolution gone mad!

Fish would develop limbs and venture onto land? Unthinkable!

From Amazing Stories (February 1940).

Now Bob's out front in every parade

Click the picture for the thrill of a lifetime!

Oh, Baby...YES!

Now that's my kind of porn!



Click the picture for hot internet video!

Comic Book PSA: Don't forget to register

From Showcase #5 (December 1956).

I wonder how many of these things in the PSA are illegal now or legal only because it may influence voters. Literacy test? Giving free babysitting services could be construed as vote-buying and what dirty trick-playing political hack wouldn't try to steer people who have a poor understanding of English into voting for their party? I comprehend English just fine and I have a heck of a time figuring out what those Vote NO on YES ads are really trying to tell me. Don't laugh or sneer until you read some history.

And 37 per cent of eligible voters didn't cast a ballot for President in 1952? I assume this means not the eligible people who were "mistakenly" listed as felons or didn't have photo ID but didn't bother to go to the polls. That 37% gave us Eisenhower and Tricky Dick! Ouch! We all know how that's turned out. Or maybe not. People forget what a candidate said a month ago.

The benefits of registering to vote:

• You get to contribute to making things worse than before.
• One less box to check on that form at the DMV.
• You get called for jury duty.
• Naive yet attractive college-age women may come to your house with many pamphlets, something most comic book fans are not used to.
• 4 a.m. phone calls from auto-dialers with recorded messages about the "issues".
• Going to the Candidates' debate.
• The knowledge that you did something worthwhile, because that annual five dollar donation to the Salvation Army at Thanksgiving just isn't enough to erase all the crappy things you did to everyone all year.
• The smug feeling you get when ignoring all those guys in front of grocery stores trying to get you to sign petitions and register for their preferred party.
• Write-in candidates on ballots, i.e.: SLEESTAK FOR PRESIDENT.
  

Dick Strong vs. Kurt Johnson

This scene from an old comic book romance title is Silver Age gold and stuff like this is the reason I bother getting out of bed in the morning. Let me dissect these panels for those of you who don't actually read the old comics so many bloggers take the trouble to post. Yes, you.

Take a look at this scene.
It's like if Animal Planet produced a comic book and it starred frat boys and débutantes instead of Meerkats and Chimpanzees! With a minimum of posturing the Alpha Male stakes a claim on an available female of child-bearing age as his mate and stymies his challenger. Unlike in the animal world, violence is very likely if someone blocks the way to the vagina. Kurt is fortunate he backed down or he could have been seriously injured and therefore easy prey for other predators.

Now let's break the panels down even further.

Dick Strong: Obviously, his name means Mighty Penis.

Kurt Johnson: The definition of the onomatopoeic name Curt is "rudely brief" and Johnson of course refers to the slang name for penis. Dick's unsuccessful rival has a name that advertises his virility as sub-standard and alludes to finishing sexual congress prematurely. For some selfish reason, women seem to be concerned about that and find it undesirable in a male partner. Not that we care.

Private Property: That would be the females. Women belong to the Alpha Male, who keeps the girls around only for procreation and sandwich-making.

Don't ever tell me these comic book creators didn't know what they were doing.

From Romantic Story #33 (August 1956).

Land of the Lost news: Preview picture of movie Sleestaks?

Commenter Elu-Lux directed me to a preview picture of Sleestaks from the upcoming Land of the Lost movie that is currently in production. If the image is accurate the Sleestaks look a bit more fierce and scary (given the better budget) but I don't understand the scene. If it is just a promo picture then fine, but if the image represents a scene in the movie I'm worried. The Sleestak Army looks as if if they were slumbering in alcoves in the cliff wall (the Rock people did something similar in an old Flash Gordon serial) and are waking up and attacking because someone trespassed in their hive or something.

That's kind of worrisome to me because again, it seems as if a plot of a science fiction movie is all about the protagonists causing a problem and then being forced to clean up their own mess and then being declared heroes (See: Daredevil, Fantastic Four, Iron Man, Hulk, etc. etc). I have a feeling that in the film the Sleestaks will be a cautionary legend among the denizens of the LotL until zany dad Marshall wakes them up, causing many wacky chase scenes and Jerry Lewis-like mugging for the lens.

I'll wait and see until I know more about the film but my extrapolations from what I have heard do not make me enthused about the project. I have already mentioned my misgivings and expectations due to who was cast as the lead actor.

Well, if nothing else I will be able to get cool movie tie-in toys!

Which is what the producers are counting on, darn it.

Ugly Pretty Girl

The "Ugly Pretty Girl" is an enduring cliche' used in entertainment and will probably never fade away due to the formulaic nature of what passes for popular entertainment. The Pygmalion plot is an easy way to create drama and sympathy in an audience or reader, who, truth be told, can usually identify in some way with the trials of the character. In most of these stories the female character simply gets a makeover and is suddenly transformed from ugly duckling into a swan. This is usually done with no regard in the story to those personality traits or esteem issues that led to her hiding her assets to the detriment of her own happiness in the first place. Countless men over the ages have overlooked the obvious pitfalls of caring only for the surface beauty to discover that the object of their desire is a crazy gold-digging psycho not their one, true soul-mate.

For the male gender in stories like this the usual approach is that they remain essentially the same in appearance but have a special value that makes them stand out and then become more desirable. As an example the nerdy mathematicians in the television show Numb3rs manage to land incredibly hot, complex women because of their unique abilities and talents that distract the opposite sex from their looks and Go-Bots collections, things that would normally ensure they die alone and virgins. This plays into the perception that women are valued more for their appearance and men for their skills.

The story The Missing Key in Romantic Story #33 (August 1956) is a typical example of the "Ugly Pretty Girl" tale, including the familiar ending where after the protagonist realizes she abused the power of her new found social status only to find love in the quiet dork who pined for her when she was "unattractive" prior to her transformation.

Oh, no they didn't

They did.

In 1995 Marvel published a Billy Ray Cyrus comic book.

Billy Ray Cyrus.

And he travels through time.

Now, when Marvel published a story of the rock band KISS visiting other dimensions and fighting in a war against Disco that made perfect sense and was a story that needed to be told.

Billy Ray Cyrus?

Greenface

Unknown Worlds (October 1943).

Why did he jilt me?

Maybe, just maybe, it had something to do with Ted hanging around outside waiting for you to leave.

Love Confessions #39 (October 1954).

Red-Headed Tiger-Woman

Open the trunk by clicking the picture!

From Cavalcade Magazine (January 1953).

Comic Book PSA: Tips for women on getting and keeping a job

Cinderella Love #13 (December 1953). These pages are so idealized and show a really professional working environment that is not really representative of many of the offices of the 50s I have heard of. I wonder if issue #14 had more tips for the career women of 1953 like, "So the boss grabbed your ass, shut up and take it." and "Wolf Whistles: Pretend you like them and avoid unemployment."

Practice Hand

Traditional Artistic Lion Dancing Robot