Saturday, September 09, 2006

Lois Lane, Bionic Woman

More proof of Lois Lane's stupidity.

While on a story, Lois talks a scientist into turning her into a bionic woman with enhanced senses and artificial limbs covered with plastic. She even had her brain replaced with electronics. Too bad for her the new software had as many bugs and glitches as the previous wetware did.

The reasoning behind Lois' willingness to undergo radical body transformation surgery (which takes place in just a few days) is that if she was no longer a vulnerable human being at the mercy of Superman's foes, then they could get married. Yeah, Lois, just because the media calls your boyfriend the "Man of Steel" doesn't mean he gets turned on by Robot Olive Oyl.

Somehow, the machined and forged metal starts spreading like an infection and transforms Lois into something resembling an alien from a 1930's SF pulp cover.

Superman Family #178 (Aug-Sept 1976)

In pursuing her story about a marauding alien robot speedster that resembles Pac-Man an intelligent spaceship offers Lois to return to human form and get this...she actually agonizes over her decision. If she turns human again she can't get married but as a cyborg she is too inhuman to feel love. By this point Superman had already agreed to marry her as a cyborg (out of pity or from being to horrified by Lois's insanity to say no) so Lois opted to be scienti-magically changed back to flesh and bone so as not to miss out on the physical parts of the relationship. Plus, you know that the second that Lois can't keep her man happy Lana Lang comes sniffing around ready to take her place.

Awful, awful story that was not readable by even the earnest-yet-goofy standards of the Silver Age. And this was published in 1976, one of the bestest decades for comic books ever. The only thing that would have made this story bearable is if Cyborg-Lois looked more like that new Cylon slinking around Battlestar Galactica.


1 comment:

  1. I SO remember this story from when I was a kid, and it freaked me out even then! Hideous!
    Thanx for the (shudder!) memory..


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