Monday with Hayley Mills: True Crime

Hayley Mills does not have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. What is wrong with you, entertainment world?

Clever girl

You will hear his voice in your head as you read this

Monday with Hayey Mills: Eiga Joho

Eiga Joho (April 1966)

The Universe is okay with it, why aren't you?

Husband-Hunting Tips

From various 1950s issues of New Romance I present as a public service announcement some really handy advice for those young women intent on pursuing romance with a steady beau all with the goal of getting hitched.

As all women know, good health is essential in maintaining your gene-derived, socially acceptable standards of good looks that are wholly dependent upon evolving cultural expectations! Sleeping with a window open for fresh air is a recurring theme in some of these old pre-Polio vaccine PSA's. Breathing in Radon and mold day and night is a general no-no so it's a good idea to have adequate ventilation. But it all depends on where you live. If you live in a universe where it is cool for a teen-ager to take their dad to a party and school yard gangs talk out their differences instead of popping caps into each other , then by all means, go for it. But where I live sleeping with an open window means you will probably wake up (if at all) with a crack-head holding a box-cutter to your throat as his buddy unplugs your TV.

Then of course girls must always appear cheerful! Nothing makes the boys shy away faster than a moody girl. Show a smile! Boys don't like girls that appear thoughtful or express emotions that don't compliment them. If maintaining cheerfulness is difficult on even the best days ask your mom how she does it. Many aids to happiness come in easily-obtained and affordable liquid or pill form.

Almost as important as good looks is the ability to not embarrass any males you have come into contact with! Be polite, deferential but have your wits about you. But not too much! Be careful, girls! If you appear too smart boys won't like you and instead of a home, hearth, husband and children to keep you warm at night it will be your hot tears staining the pages of a textbook on science!

Once you have all the basics down you can go on the prowl! Not having to work after high school is important for the modern girl! Time is a wasting! So get involved in all those hobbies that men enjoy but proceed with caution. Don't fully participate in sports and hobbies, LOOK ON ADORINGLY ONLY, or if that is not possible, ensure you take on the role of an accessory, like a tennis racket stand or gym bag carrier (but not too heavy a bag, you don't want big ugly muscles!). Take steps to ensure you don't intimidate a guy or show him up and faster than you can say "Holy Matrimony" you will be fulfilling your role as a wife, mother and homemaker!

And then it is HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

The Nein Nein Percent

Saw this cartoon hosted by Daryle Cagle the other day skewering the social divide between the Haves and the Have Nots. While the artist is Romanian the cartoon can certainly be applied to the current mood in the United States of the 99% and Occupy movements.

The cartoon served to remind me of the introductory page from the May 1979 issue of the Marvel Comics series Super-Villain Team-Up #16.

In this latter-day iteration of the characters the Hate-Monger and the Red Skull are Nazis and the victims displayed for their amusement beneath the glass floor are being persecuted for their heritage. If one was not aware of the back-stories of the characters it would be the setting and the dead-on captions that could also serve as an example of the gap between those with power and money and the average citizens who are expected to kneel, obey and use their paychecks to support the goals and lifestyles of those who would be our masters.

Monday with Hayley Mills: Top Billing

A picture of the cast and an article from a July 1964 paper featuring an 18 years old Hayley Mills appearing in a revue show at the Palladium in London.

Can you name all the Time Machines?

In the amalgamated Star Trek and DC Universe the despotic immortal caveman Vandal Savage has captured many devices used to travel through time. Can you name all the various time machines and where they appeared?

The fanboy in me is a little disappointed that I don't see the Ivy Town University Time Pool used by the Atom in there, unless it is that glowing blob under the balcony. There are three I'm not sure of.

From IDW/DC Comics Star Trek and Legion of Super-Heroes #5 (2012).

Pardon my French

Buzz Off

I've mentioned a few times the benefits of having a deaf spouse. They can't pick up on the mutterings under your breath and then divorce you for being a jerk and of course sign language is useful for communicating through windows and at a distance when phones are not practical. Another advantage to sign language is that solicitors, beggars and hippies wanting signatures give up when they see someone using ASL (see here) because yeah, they want to save the Earth but not bad enough to learn how to communicate with a large percentage of the population.

There are several devices for the deaf we use to make life a little bit easier. Gizmos that flash lights when there is someone at the door, a camera connected to a monitor for telephone relays from deaf-to-deaf or deaf-to-hearing people and a few smart phone applications. Text messages is one of the greatest aids that exists for the deaf. From the caveman days of the TTY and expensive typing pagers to the ease of modern versions on cellphones it is texting that will probably be the primary and easiest form of communicating over a distance for the deaf. Texting is an equalizer (though many deaf I know dislike lowering themselves to the hearing standard). Video applications like Face Time has proven valuable and so has a similar application from Sorenson VRS that works on the computer and smartphone. Sorenson company supplies the high-speed internet-enabled cam-phone in our home and it works great.

Sorenson also have made available some flash cards for the phone for use when dealing with the non-signing public called Buzz Cards. Basically you show the Buzz Card to a cashier or cab driver or whomever to communicate your needs. They read it and then get your request wrong just like with all their hearing and speaking customers. I made some of my own in the past (right here) that where a bit artistic or practical for the spouse to use but I have to say the Buzz Cards are pretty handy. The basic set in the app comes with a few slides ready to go but the best thing about them is that they are fully customizable and the user can add new ones as they see fit.

As you can imagine that allows many shenanigans. Here are some examples (with shocking words pixelated for the faint of heart):

Yes, as much as I don't like jack-booted authoritarians I hate hippies even more. So the majority of what I have termed Buzz Off Cards (see what I did there?) are intended for them. When I'm at the mall and some girl pauses in texting her BFF (omg!!! hez sooo cute!) long enough to attempt to get my signature on a clipboard I have a choice of several images to show her. But they are not intended only for people who are trying to make the world a better place by standing around in shopping malls doing nothing! No, sir. Teens or older people begging for change at the stoplight can get an eyeful, too. You hold a sign up to my car window and I'll respond in kind with a Buzz Off Card.

So thank you, Sorenson. I express in all sincerity that by creating your application and making it available you have made people's lives better. The deaf can communicate with the hearing public a bit easier. My wife can order a coffee, find a restroom or successfully use a drive-thru through (especially at night after the dining area is closed or in areas she doesn't feel comfortable getting out of the car) thanks to you. I know it really improved my visits to the mall and made those uncomfortable meetings at traffic intersections a little less awkward.

And now, a pretty lady signing to The Sound of Sunshine...

Monday with Hayey Mills: Movie Marathon Edition

Found some links on ehow featuring Hayley Mills!

First off is the instructional How to Have a Hayley Mills Movie Marathon submitted by Angela DeFini. A good, family-friendly list but I'd add Tiger Bay to it. Never hurts to teach kids (and adults) about honesty considering the shenanigans Hayley gets up to in a few of the other films.

Don't forget that any movie marathon starring Hayley Mills is not complete without watching her first screen appearance in the classic film So Well Remembered.

Next up is some Hayley Mills Cosplay from submitter Robin Raven. Don't judge. Hayley is the answer.

Some classic LTMS inspired by Hayley Mills: Parent Trap Noir. Only a month or so back is a mashed-up movie poster.

Finally, Twitter account @HayleyMills has plenty of fan photos attached to the entries you won't find anywhere else. Wish it really was Hayley's twitter feed but it is actually a fan account for the Hayley Mills Army, which is pretty awesome and by last count, millions strong.

Nobody digs a word we say

Nearly 50 years after it was first unleashed upon the world the love song Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah as performed by the multi-talented Howard Morris for The Jetsons animated television show is a cultural and Valentine's Day classic. Originally broadcast in 1962 in the episode "A Date With Jet Screamer" Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah has outlasted many of the "serious" pop songs of the day and has been sampled and covered by such bands as the Dickies and most famously, the Violent Femmes. Plus: Starkids reference.

More on Howard Morris: Wikipedia, YouTube and as Professor Lilloman!

Big Barda commands you to be her Valentine

Originally posted 2007

Practical Fashion

The over-sized scarf prevents leering at the chest, the low-hanging bag prevents ogling of the backside.

SMART.

What came first, the need by women to protect and conceal or esthetics? Was the end-result of the impractical scarf worn in even the warmest weather conditions and the bag a happy accident or intentional? Some combination of all, perhaps.

Women: 1 / Perverts: 0

Before Watchmen: The controversy as Advertising

Yes, I'll be getting those Watchmen prequels. I'm a completist. Even though Alan Moore is my comic book god and I re-visit several of the series and characters he helped guide at least once a year I really do not want to give up my small doses of entertainment. I'm weak and I really like the Watchmen concept enough that I'll buy and read them.

Of course it is the internet discussions (to use the term loosely) and controversy that is the best advertising possible for the up-coming series. Another slap across Moore's face is publicity you can't buy that was surely worth hundreds of thousands, if not a million or more, in ad dollars that DC did not have to shell out. The controversy over Before Watchmen is the best advertising. DC knew the fans would have strong opinions about Before Watchmen and was fully prepared to get through all the bad press. Even the renewed spotlight focused on the history between DC and Moore, in the deal given the creators where the rights would revert away from the company after the books went out of print that was not honored (so far) is just a blip on their concern-radar. Comic fans are used to exposure of the creatively shady practices of big business comics. People still purchase Batman even with the knowledge that for decades creators were "shafted" by today's standards. DC is undoubtedly monitoring the chatter and isn't that concerned.

If DC abruptly went insane and suddenly signed over all rights to the original creators the result in sales would likely remain the same. The die-hard fans will buy it, the scans will be shared world-wide and the exposure to the product will ensure that any licensing and marketing deals they signed will be lucrative. The comic books of today, in whatever format they find a reader, are little more than periodical advertisements for future media projects anyways. Comics long ago stopped being the product in and of itself and became sales pitches and ads the consumer pays for, like t-shirts with product logos printed on them. Whatever the future holds for the Watchmen cast can be predicted but not with any real accuracy. Technology almost guarantees that there will be an Watchmen animated series in the future and digital comics are, once the business models get smoothed out, only going to gain in popularity (though the digital form wipes out the collector market and the only cache in "collecting" those would be an artificially created desire to be "first" or in receiving limited edition serials restricted to a limited market).

It is doubtful DC will honor the old Watchmen agreement so many years after the original series was published. It would be like an oil company giving up regional drilling rights because the native population was there in the area first.

Is the story of the former and current Minutemen all told? It was in the 12-issue maxi-series. I doubt there are many surprises in store in the prequels. What could be said? We all know how the future of the gang turns out. I speculate that what I most will take away from the prequels will be the remembrance of a particularly cool turn of phrase or artfully rendered panel.

Foreshadowing events in the original series would be a mistake primarily because most creative teams are not known for subtlety and the prequels don't have the luxury of 12 issues to lay clues throughout the panels. If this endeavor is a success then be prepared for a series about what happens after Seymour discovers Rorsach's journal.

MOTHER OF GOD

I THOUGHT THE FUTURE WAS PAPERLESS

Hayley Mills on Loose Women

Hayley Mills talks about Wild at Heart (Now starting a 7th season YAY but still can't see it in America BOO!) and the power of nature from January 2011.

You'll feel your heart skip when Hayley replies to a question from the panel by saying "No, Dear...[SPOILERS]", just see. It's those familiar Hayley Mills speech inflections that does it.

A failure to communicate

I've used Discount Tires for my vehicle needs for years. Like most people I first became familiar with their company through their classic, hilarious and highly-effective commercial touting their return and replacement policy. Their service and price is why I began going to them when I started to drive.

But I'm going to have to think pretty hard about going in again any time soon. A few weeks ago I went to my usual location to get a new tire, which was worn. When I went in I told the salesperson what I needed and why and let them know that was all I was purchasing that day. Getting only one tire at a time is a young man's gamble. When you change one tire you should change all of them so they all wear evenly, everything balances right and you have no surprises a week later when an old tire fails. But I had been out sick from work for a few months and cash was tight. So I made myself clear about my needs that day

Apparently, through no fault of the employees I'm sure since they are very likely pressured to make sales from upper management, my desires as a customer where pushed aside. Before I left I received no less than six attempts to up-sell my purchase. Quoting a price, then lowering it, adding services and then discounted incentives (still adding up to more than I told them I would spend). Between my last visit to Discount Tires and this one it was like I had visited two different companies. At least at least on the front end experience. The exception being the swiftness and quality of their labor service in replacing the tire which remained great and if anything was better than before.

I understand the hard up-sell. The economy has been in the dumps for years and companies are desperate for every nickle and dime from their brick and mortar outlets as they can be (while still somehow being able to afford using private jets to fly to meetings to exotic vacation resorts). My current employer tried the hard-sells at every opportunity until they realized the customer backlash wasn't worth it and dropped the requirement for most departments. When a customer says no that should be the end of it. No guilt trips, no acting like I just duct-taped loaded guns with filed down sears to the heads of the passengers of my car, no miming like Pontius Pilate washing his hands of the whole deal and so be it, the fiery deaths of my passengers is on my head.

The pitches that the tire crew was giving me were presented in terms of my safety. I can appreciate that message. They pointed out the others tires were worn (Meh, not so much. All four were new less than a year ago. I wanted one changed because it kept getting scraped on a curb) and that I should change them and here's a great deal on 4 tires, etc., etc.

But the intent and sincerity perceived by the customer is important. If the pitch doesn't come off as sincere then I would think you are playing me for a sucker. The first tell that the clerk really was only saying what he had to was that he wouldn't look at me. Our last conversation before I left went like this:

"Have we told you that you really should replace all those tires? They are getting worn."
"Yes. Four times now in the last half an hour."
"Well, that shows you how important it is."

Sure, except you were looking everywhere but at me when you said all that. It doesn't mean he was a bad salesman, just that he was uncomfortable pushing another sales pitch on me. At least I hope that is what it was and he wasn't some predatory huckster. Also, one thing the clerk wasn't aware of: Their company's email message.

During the purchase the clerk asked for and I gave my email address. I didn't mind. This is important because that way I can receive tire recall notices, a handy and necessary service. So while seated in the lobby waiting for the tire to be replaced I did what anyone else would do: Browse the internet, check email and read some news. While waiting I got hit up again for more tires and shortly after received an email from Discount Tires thanking me for my purchase. I read it, knowing I needed to head off a barrage of emails and catalogs mailed to my house by changing my marketing preferences. It was after going to their website via the email and personalizing my visit I felt like was nothing more than a mark with a wallet.


In the image above there are several options for receiving messages from Discount Tires. This is an original, cropped screenshot with the only the customer name changed. In the initial view the message options default to sales pitches and one service reminder which would just be a sales pitch when you go in to the store. The two safety notices, really the most important part for the consumer and in the worst case scenario can mean life or death for a driver, is left unchecked by the company.

So this is the business plan? Hit me up for another sale but, in the case of the many who don't bother to sign up, or those that do but don't update their marketing preferences, not receive any notification that they might be driving on a faulty tire?

I guess ultimately the responsibility for checking the warranties and disposition of almost anything anyone purchases is on the buyer but only to a point. Any company has a moral if not legal obligation to inform someone using their product it may be faulty. The government regularly posts information about faulty products and recommends or orders companies to do so on their own. But if there was a recall of tires how would one find out? If they did, would I receive any notification because I did not opt in to the service? Is regular mail an option? Is it still an option if one did not opt in on the website? Would it take weeks or months to mail me a letter when email goes out almost immediately?

It wouldn't hurt to have the communication preferences default to choose all options, none of them or prioritize the safety notifications and then let the customer decide. Hold the sales pitches and default to caring about your customers a little bit more. The front end sales pitches and the way the customer notification service may be unrelated but it looks like it is a part of a narrowly focused top-down business strategy that prefers making a sale over any other consideration.

By the way, guys? Don't bother to contact me with offers or that "you are sorry I wasn't satisfied with my experience" or even as I know happens on occasion...threats. The tire service was great, the annoying hard up-sells were not. I know you won't change the front end sales pitches because if you did, let's be honest, sales would drop and that's the reality of business. In my experience few respond to those ads and instead search for the best deal they can through the internet going to their favored supplier first, based on their past experiences. Instead, just think about maybe changing the set up of those initial customer communication options.

A Thing I Spontaneously Said

gesturing dramatically in front of a group of people as I passed by it on the street.


A few people got it but the rest were stupid and screw them I don't care because they are stupid and I hate them.