Thursday, December 27, 2007

What If...Captain America remained frozen in ice until present day?

Everyone familiar with the character of Captain America knows his story:

Pharmaceutics-enhanced Steve Rogers fought Nazis and evil during World War 2 as the symbol of Liberty, Freedom and the American Dream, Captain America. After foiling a Nazi plot the Captain fell from an exploding rocket into freezing ocean waters where he lapsed into a state of suspended animation. He was rescued years later in the 1960s by the Avengers, thawed out and continued the good fight for several decades.

Yet what would have happened if he was never discovered by the Avengers and continued to drift in a block of ice among the floes and icebergs until present day? The Captain's story would turn out quite differently.

Due to global warming the rapidly melting polar ice caps would partially expose the Captain's body, until now protected deep within in a large block of ice since the final days of World War 2, to the open air and harsh environment. With their sensitive noses, hungry and nomadic polar bears would detect the slumbering hero from miles distant and converge on the site. Using their mighty claws and wicked teeth a polar bear would have little difficulty tearing away the thinning layer of ice covering Captain America and grabbing a filling meal.
Scratch...scratch...scratch...

Wuh? What's that noise? Man, it's cold. Hey, I can't move...

Scratch...scratch...scratch...

Bucky, is that youuuuuuOMIGODAHHHHHHHHHHH...!

Crunch...crunch...crunch...

12 comments:

  1. Is that any less dignified than what Brubaker did to him? Uhh, I guess it is.

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  2. Congratulations, you've won the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award this week.

    Blood Superhero chunks on ice... who'd have thunk it.

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  3. Remind me never to read this blog while I'm in mid-swallow of a beverage. I almost showered my laptop's screen with ginseng tea when I saw this, after which I laughed my ass off.

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  4. OMG HA IN the middle of class nearly scared everyone out of their desks when I laughed

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  5. Yeah, a fucking polar bear would be abled to do what superheroes and villains alike couldnt??? Beat Captain America??? God knoes I am NOT a fan of him, but please, don't be so fucking ridiculous!!!!!
    gEEZ!! Talk about a man who can live after being punched by the Hulk, being teared apart by mere stupid polar bears... COME ON!!!!

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