Christmas: Day 10

Hypocrisy: 'Christian values' Hobby Lobby purchases its products from #1 'family planning' nation China

2012 Limited Edition Undercover Wing-Nut Optimus Prime action figure set

Prod. #KRZE: 2012 Limited Edition Undercover Wing-Nut Optimus Prime action figure set

From the Manufacturer: For 5000 years, noble Optimus Prime has led the Autobots in defending their friends against the Decepticon empire. To Optimus Prime nothing is more important than preparing for the final battle between good and evil! To that end the Autobot leader has ensured he is ready for any situation, from open combat to stealthy covert operations! Optimus Prime has undergone his most dangerous and awesome transformation yet, to that of a semi-truck promoting Christian jingoism!

No one, including the evil forces of Megatron, will suspect that the savior of humanity hides in this ubiquitous, easily ignored semi-truck. Like the real world “Jesus Christ Is Not A Swear Word” trucks that are typically over-looked by millions of people daily, you can have hours of play fooling Megatron by hiding Optimus Prime in plain sight by parking on highway overpasses and in the lots of bankrupt shopping malls! But unlike most of the followers of useless Bronze age platitudes and oppressive belief systems Optimus Prime is always ready for action! Beware, evil! Optimus Prime and his Autobots don’t act on faith, THEY ACT!

Accessories included:

• (1) Crate of guns 
• (1) Bible (mint condition, never read)
•  (1) Box of limited edition Decepticon authentic tithing envelopes 
• (1) Pad of Accounts Receivable billing receipts to charge church-goers for the truck rental.

Darwin Re-Do

I was reading one of my favorite websites today and an entry about the stupidifying of science caught my attention. Apparently, Creationists are removing sections of the paradigm shifting work of Charles Darwin, thereby changing the overall content and prefacing it with their own brand of wingnuttery that fulfills their own agenda. Doublethinking works of art or science that are in the public domain in order to make them a part of a cherry-picked revised history is a heinous idea that is being being utilized only for their vulnerability to abuse and to fill an agenda. Several years from now when the the legitimate copies of the Darwin book are out of print or unavailable online due to a possible future non-neutrality of the internet, the wingnut versions will undoubtedly still be widely available as publishing loss-leaders supported by the wacky fringe as part of their general warrgarbhl background noise.

Then I had a thought. Mash-ups of different literary genres are making money hand over fist these days and I felt like a sucker for not jumping on board that particular lucre-train sooner. The novelty text-mixes of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters is filling the coffers of the authors quite nicely, I understand. Well, except for that of Ms. Austen, that is.

So much like the Creationists I came up with my own special house mix of science and fantasy of mankind's most famous work. Look for it on the shelves of your favorite book store just in time for the War on Christmas.

BONUS SNEAK PEEK PREVIEW EXCLUSIVE TO LTMS READERS!

Check below for the special preview excerpted from the thrilling 4th chapter of The Origin of the Species and Zombies by Charles Darwin and myself. Originally published 1859 with the revised edition copyright 2009.

Extinction Caused By Natural Selection

Furthermore, the species which are most numerous in individuals will have the best chance of producing within any given period favourable variations. We have evidence of this, in the facts given in the second chapter, showing that it is the common species which afford the greatest number of recorded varieties, or incipient species. Hence, rare species will be less quickly modified or improved within any given period, and they will consequently be beaten in the race for life by the modified descendants of the commoner species. The exception being Zombies that will, however, multiply exponentially within the current generation and exterminate in short order all other competing species within any given geographical area.

From these several considerations I think it inevitably follows, that as new species in the course of time are formed through natural selection or plague of virulent walking dead, others will become rarer and rarer, and finally extinct. Upon examination many extinct forms will be discovered to be missing their brains. The forms which stand in closest competition with those undergoing modification and improvement, will naturally suffer most, such as humanity. And we have seen in the chapter on the Struggle for Existence that it is the most closely-allied forms, varieties of the same species, and species of the same genus or of related genera, which, from having nearly the same structure, constitution, and habits, generally come into the severest competition with each other. Zombies exploit this in fascinating yet horrible ways. While they are bereft of speed and higher cognitive functions, Zombies practice an unconscious cooperative pack behavior and sheer numbers will eventually bring down even the swiftest prey.

Consequently, each new variety or species, during the progress of its formation, will generally press hardest on its nearest kindred, and tend to exterminate them through natural predation or brain eating. We see the same process of extermination amongst our domesticated productions, through the selection of improved forms by man. Many curious instances could be given showing how quickly new breeds of cattle, sheep, and other animals, and varieties of flowers, take the place of older and inferior kinds. In Yorkshire, it is historically known that the ancient black cattle were displaced by the long-horns, and that these 'were swept away by the short-horns' (I quote the words of an agricultural writer) 'as if by some murderous pestilence of ravenous, walking undead.'

I don't think I'll ever be over Macho Grande

Fun and Games

A little backstory.

Of course you know

Due to an asshat bombarding the site with his religious wingnuttery (who is also spamming other sites and boards, I've found) I've had to enable comment moderation. As usual for the woo-woo type and their hit and run attacks, this person is hiding behind 'unavailable status' so no one finds him and can launch his special brand of loony and threats from the safety of anonymity while pretending to be a Lamb of God. Here's the response to demanding he quit spamming the site:

Use "Comment Moderation" or I'll be back.

Now that you know the truth, you'll be held to a higher standard when you make your account to God. Good luck ; )

It isn't like this person is totally anonymous. A-holes always advertise, don't they? Usually what happens is these types get exposed and scurry away like roaches when the spotlight gets switched on. The accounts they use to spam and threaten get closed, their ISP bounces them and sometimes, if the emails originated from a workplace, they get unemployed for being wacky on company time.

I don't like comment moderation because it slows the pace of the fun. Like playing chess by mail.

The New Scarlet Letter

It is too bad that the folksy folks that Republicans court are so anti-science. If the GOP base embraced SCIENCE a bit more the race-baiting scam that John McCain enthusiast Ashley Todd perpetrated may have been successful beyond any campaign managers' wildest, Rove-like power fantasies. Instead, the ill-thought out and poorly executed plan by Ashley to gain support for her candidate by inciting fear, one of the few tactics Republicans understand, backfired and will surely result in some people voting for Obama.

A little bit of SCIENCE would have ensured the hoax would have worked or at least had survived more time under media inspection. SCIENCE is a good part of everyday life in spite of some people insisting everything is derived from a mystical origin. Here are some aspects of SCIENCE that if factored in to the scam, would have prevented it from blowing up in her face like some sort of experimental-thing gone wrong.

BIOLOGY: People were not zapped into existence with interior workings formed of a single uniform substance like wax or, say, clay. People are full of meaty, brothy stuff. One of those things people are full of is the brain. While many people eschew the brain, I assume Ms. Todd possessed one. Too bad she didn't use it that day.

OPTICS: Like brains, eyeballs have been around for millions of years. Todd missed the opportunity to use them effectively. A quick examination by Todd in any mirror would have revealed that something was wrong with her artwork and that the letter B was reversed. Then again, all the Republicans I know don't actually look at themselves in reflective surfaces since they would then have a hard time living with themselves. I wouldn't be surprised to find strips of newspaper strategically taped over much of the mirrors in Todd's home, leaving only enough shiny surface to reflect a bit of her cheek. It's easier to avoid meeting their own gaze that way.

Here's my Ashley Todd joke:

"Wow. The guys who own that company must be totally rich!"
"What company is that, Ashley?"
"Ecnalubma. They must have at least five cars at every hospital in America!"

HISTORY: Morton Downey Jr. tried a similar scam a number of years ago. He got busted for it because of stupidity. Those who forget history are dumb and will repeat it. One of the things I learned over the years about criminals and grifters is that usually more than one person is required to be successful in any shifty endeavor. This is because from the viewpoint of the perp everything makes perfect logical sense because what they plan and execute fits perfectly their preconceptions of how things are. Many crimes are solved simply by someone else observing that the claims or circumstances do not fit in with reality.

TECHNOLOGY: As fallible as the internet can be when performing research a couple of simple search terms like "McCain" and "President" would have returned thousands of pages of wacky results and their content would have revealed to Ashley what a bad idea she was entertaining. Also, ATM machines have cameras now.

Fortunately for America, this time evoking fear ensured failure.

Lilith: The Starter Wife

The legend of Lilith is an old one going way back in one form or another for several thousands of years. While the origin and version of the story of Lilith is open to interpretation in Marvel Comics continuity she was the very first vampire, cursed to be immortal and drink the blood and life of her victims.

This Lilith is not the same one who would later be known as the daughter of Marvel's Dracula character. The Lilith as described in Vampire Tales #4 (April 1974) would make another appearance in Marvel Graphic Novel #20 (1985) as the demon who guided and influenced Martin Greenberg, the novelist vampire.

Read more about Lilith here.

Book of Revelation in 3-D!

Nothing says Halloween like shock horror, and for the very best one should look no further than the Bible! In the 1950s one of the art jobs that Basil Wolverton accepted was to illustrate passages from the Christian Bible for Ambassador Press. This project likely came about after the market for the lurid and ultra-violent comic books he was used to illustrating dried up in the wake of parent groups and politicians interfering with subject matter they deemed inappropriate for children. Of all the work he did for that company his illustrations depicting Armageddon from the Book of Revelation have garnered the most attention. Wolverton, a master of stomach-churning illustration outdid himself in this instance.

Presumably the same demographic who got the vapors over a corpse being manipulated by an alien Brain Bat from Venus had no problem with the far more horrifying imagery he created for the Christian market. I never accepted the joyful glee and anticipation of horrible death on a planetary scale that so many fundamentalists embrace. While Wolverton worked on the Bible project for several years usually only a few pages of his highly detailed work are readily available for study. While copies of these pages in color or black and white can be located here and there it is most unusual is to find this art in a 3-D format. While the 3-D panels are an interesting novelty it is the full color versions that are the most horrific. You can read a bit more about Basil Wolverton and view some other illustrations from that project here.

You will need the traditional red-and-blue 3-D glasses that I posted about previously to fully experience the End Times for yourself. Enjoy!

Click the pictures to bring about the Apocalypse!

Ambassador Press (1955).

It's a miracle!

Love Diary #43 (April-May 1966).

Things that are crackers

What is this about? Read all about it at Pharyngula. Here's more. And even more.

Being Pat Boone? That's a spankin'!

The image is scary enough with all the horrifying scene elements, but read the accompanying biographical text for an added dose of childhood trauma.

From Pat Boone #1 (DC Comics, Sept-Oct 1959).

"Deserved" beatings with a leather, square-edged machine belt?