Thursday, February 22, 2007

Civil War #7: Herc needs a new catch phrase

No one can ever accuse the Marvel Hercules with being the sharpest razor in the candy apple. When not looking for fights he is usually preoccupied with seeking out booze and women. Often he is out in space or other dimensions for years at a time wreaking havoc of some kind or crashing parties, so he can be forgiven if his catch phrases are a bit out of date with contemporary culture.

In Civil War #7 Hercules was offended by the machinations of the Pro-Registration faction in the cloning/cyborgizing/Imagineering of his good buddy and gacked the Thorbot. While doing so he bellowed a variation of the famous verbal smack down "Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy" said by Senator Bentsen to Senator Quayle during a 1988 political debate.

Since Civil War was very topical, reflecting either the on-going debate over the current conflict in the mid-east or the price of cable television service, I think Herc could use a catch phrase that is a little bit closer to the year 2007. I don't think anything is wrong with his usual "Have At Thee!" or "I Bring The Gift Of Battle" shouts and I don't get why it wasn't used in the big fight scene. A good explodo-font "I SAY THEE NAY!" would have rocked that panel. Possibly the writer has had this story and dialog in his head since the late 1980s and didn't get to use the Bentsen slam until now.

So I decided to update Herc's war cry with a bit of pop-cultural meme from 2001 and up to something closer to present day.

Civil War #7 (2001 catch phrase)
From 2001: Awesome sound FX added!

Civil War #7 (SHOCK and AWE)
From 2003: At least when Odin lied, nobody died.

Civil_War_herc_HOT WINGS
From my recent 2007 shopping trip: I'm not paying $12.95 for a box of 6-8 wings unless the Hooter Girl comes with it!
Have at thee!



  1. "I SAY THEE NAY!" would have been the 2nd coolest way to see Clor go down. First coolest being actual Thor show up, smash Clor into the dirt and point at Tony/Reed/Hank saying "THOU DAREST?!?"

  2. Thor and Hulk returning to earth are the two events I most anticipate. i have a feeling that Thor will return near the end of the Hulk War story, because he is the only one strong enough to stop him.

  3. Gee I wonder why this book consistently delivers late. Could it have anything to do with the fact that every damn hair on Herc's chest is present and accounted for?

  4. I believe that would be "I have thy shock and awe right here!"

  5. He's a Greek god speaking faux Shakespearian. I think it can slide.

  6. "Can thou smell what the Herc is cooking?"

    "Thou got knocked the fuck out!"

    "Thou hast been served!"

    "No soup for thou!"

  7. It's faux-Shakespearean catchphrase time!

    "Where ist the beef?!"

    "Getteth thou some!"

    "Thou canst not handle the truth!"

    "Showeth me the money!"

  8. "Give mine regards to Ben Reilly!"

  9. "Mama said knock thou out!"

    "Bitch, thy better have mine money!"

  10. "Zeus's scrotum! Tis but a robot!"

  11. I'm can't figure out how these computer tubes work:

  12. "Doth Hercules hath to smacketh a bitch?"


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