Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Signs, signs, everywhere a sign

Never mind the dog
When I first saw this sign on a fence a few blocks up from where I am currently (and temporarily) residing bearing the slogan "Never mind the dog, beware the owner" accompanied by a drawing of a fist clutching a pistol, I thought to myself that the dire warning held little weight.

First off, no dog barked when I walked by. So that was my initial clue the owner was all talk and no action. Secondly, I felt that surely, anyone who can afford a gun could also spare the change for a few garbage bags to hold all the yard trash and maybe send a few bucks over to the neighbor kid to mow the lawn every now and then. The sign, I felt, was all show and the home owner was trying to fake out the thieves with empty threats.

Then I realized I should have known better. If years of experience living in Texas, New Mexico and Maryland have taught me anything it is that even the most destitute redneck in America usually has a fully equipped and lethal arsenal that could put the military forces of some nations to shame. I don't know how some people do it. A lack of any means of employment seems to be no barrier to owning many thousands of dollars worth of weaponry, SUV's and plasma televisions even as six children share a single pair of shoes. A quick look through the window of any Maryland home into the living room often reveals stacks of guns and mounds of loose ammo piled about. One thing you can count on in some states (particularly Maryland) is that no matter how many rusted Buicks on cinder blocks with weeds growing out of the hood there are in a yard there is somehow always enough money for guns.

Oh, and beer.

Dang, I almost forgot the one other thing. They typically have plenty of cash for marijuana also. No soap or food not made entirely out of processed corn fructose for the kiddies but always plenty of cash available for recreational narcotics.

So all you lying, thieving neighbors in San Diego beware! Such a dilapidated home means this particular occupant can probably back up his claims to being armed against burglary with a dozen cruise missiles and that the sign on his fence means business.

I know this one does...

beware of god

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  1. They also seem to have a lot of extra money for NASCAR collectibles.

  2. But my experience is that people like these rarely have anything worth stealing!

  3. the guns and drugs, sir, so that the cycle is perpetuated.


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