Happy Birthday To Me

It is my for reals meat-person birthday today.

As gifts I will accept cash or those items that can be easily converted to cash.

Blogiversary

Started this blog on this day in 2005. Bed now.

Maj. Joshua Sleestak (ret.) Continental Army, 1806

Took a bit of internet searching on and off during the last year but I finally found some real world provenance for the origin of the 'Sleestak' name for the fictional lizard creatures populating the pocket universe of the classic 1970s television show The Land of the Lost. According to the episode Follow That Dinosaur (Season 1, Episode 13) the native Altrusians were colloquially named 'Sleestak' by a time-lost soldier from the Revolutionary War because they reminded him of his commanding officer from his service in the Continental Army, Major Joshua Sleestak. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. Executive Producer for the show David Gerrold must have been a history buff.

A star on earth and the heavens

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

New comet found

San Diego, Ca. - (HMCC News Service) - Dedicated staff at the Hayley Mills Celebratory Complex Orbital Space Platform have announced the discovery of a new comet. Originally detected by the HMCC Deep Space Telescope in April 2011 the object was confirmed as a comet in a joint effort by NASA and the HMCC.

A preliminary orbit calculated by the HMCC has determined that the newly discovered comet, named HAYLEY-BOPP by an overwhelming number of raised hands supporting the designation, will swing by the planet earth in an orbit roughly the same distance from the Sun to the planet Venus.

Scientists have reported that the comet is unusual in its chemical make-up. Rather then the "dirty snowball" of ice and frozen gases that most comets are made of HAYLEY-BOPP is unique and atypical. The HMCC has determined through rigorous peer-reviewed science that HAYLEY-BOPP is made of pure, crystal clear water as clean as a mountain spring. "Cleaner, even." Claims the staff of the HMCC. "We suspect that the water is so pure that if a Maryland sewer rat were exposed to this celestial super-fluid it would transform into an immortal puppy that barks rainbows."

Below is the first photograph of comet HAYLEY-BOPP as recorded by the HMCC Deep Space Telescope. Coincidentally, the comet structurally resembles screen and television star Hayley Mills.
"Not so unusual." Claims Sleestak, the leader of the HMCC. "In a mysterious, infinite universe it is inevitable that Hayley Mills will appear almost everywhere you look. We all expected as much, hence the need for the Deep Space Telescope. It merely confirmed what we already knew, that Hayley Mills totally rules not only on earth but in space as well."

The HMCC also reports that while the path of HAYLEY-BOPP will bring it relatively near earth the distances between the orbits of the comet and the earth are "mind-boggling" and HAYLEY-BOPP is no threat to the planet. Says Sleestak: "HAYLEY-BOPP poses no danger to the earth at all, though of course there are always some doom cultists that are scared of things they don't understand. Yesterday the HMCC received a fax from the Lindsay Lohan Fan Club signed by both members pronouncing doom unless the comet is stopped and sent back into space. Oh, and Lindsay wants to know why Hayley won't return her calls."

Dance Craze

It was on this day minus a few days give or take one or two years ago that Will Ferrell did his best to ensure there ever being a hard-SF version of The Land of the Lost. It would be easier and more profitable to rip off the concept of LotL and package it as something new and original than use the Krofft characters ever again. Die in a gutter, Will!

Do the Sleestak!

Beware the Sleehawks

Sleestak, thy name is vanity

Thinking about buying a vanity plate for the car even though I'm not a tool bag. 'Slestak' is obvious and I like it, though 'LOSTROR' and 'LSTROAR' has an appeal. The 2nd and 3rd being the last word and action from the Land of the Lost theme where Wesley Eure sings "...Living in the Land of the Lost Lost Lost" and Grumpy the T-Rex attacks the camera and roars. I like the 3rd example better than the 2nd because 'LOSTROR' can read as LOS TERROR and I don't want that.

The third style of plate would be difficult for anyone to figure out but part of the fun of an obscure license plate is explaining to confused people what it means. Good thing I'm already married for life because that much geek displayed in public would ensure I'd never have a relationship with a woman that didn't first require funds being handed over to her.

'HLYRULZ' is the Hayley Mills gag plate I put in photos to conceal real license plates and while I think it would be great to have I don't think my wife would appreciate it. She doesn't get the whole Hayley Mills obsession. Some people are just born broken that way.

Special S

This speech balloon on the back of some boxes of crackers is supposed to be a means of affirmation for women with low self-esteem to feel better about themselves. The idea is that the customer writes on the back of the box what they expect to receive for eating allegedly low-calorie or small-volume snacks. They then become less depressed or something.

In reality it is affording the staff of some grocery stores plenty of opportunities for pranks where they write or place a sticker on the back of the box and replace it on the shelf, causing paininthebuttery to ensue.

Then of course, the company making the crackers is just foolish in encouraging people to upload their own affirmations and also allowing them to create their own commercial using the uploaded photo.

Heh. When will they learn?

Sleestak on the Edge of Forever

I know I'm the only one, but the thought of Kirk and the Gang traveling through time and risking Universe-altering paradox to stop Enik the Altrusian from winning Final Jeopardy is hilarious*.

Just think, if I was waiting in line at the San Diego Comic-Con this art would not have existed. The road not traveled, indeed!

* The winning answer was "Who is Hayley Mills?"

To Do Today

Update dead links to those awesome Cowboy Sahib stories.

Clean up that crappy copy of the next chapter of Futura to post tomorrow (get that good copy scanned while I'm at it).

Watch that classic Doctor Who episode where Susan gets abandoned on the ruined Earth, thus laying ground for the next 4 decades of Susan-substitutes.

Contemplate my future without having to resort to booze afterward to cope.

Continue war of wills with that online auction seller who may or may not have shipped that item I bought. I suspect I won auction at price lower than seller wanted so long delay might be in hopes I cancel order. I must be victorious.

Scan those vintage crochet magazines from the late 60s and early 70s.

Give dog bath.

Take car into shop.

Frown at news reports of oil spill in gulf but do nothing.

Read new comic books and file away.

Watch wife sleep.

Point at image of Joran van der Sloot on monitor and yell "Daddy can't help you this time!"

Look for alternative to itunes that won't delete songs I have owned for years from the collection. "This copy of your media file is no longer available," my foot.

Take nap.

Cold Dead Sleestak

It's my 2nd Amendment.

The True Reason for the Season

This is an Operation: Awesome Christmas update!

As intended I completely crushed the gift-giving abilities of everyone else in the family. Making everyone else look lame and silly by comparison has given me such a warm and happy feeling this holiday season.

Here is what I gave!

Mom: Made her mortgage payment for her. Didn't know what she paid each month so I just threw money at the bank. Turns out to be a payment and a half. She cried a lot. I win at being the best child.

Dad: One of those watches from Japan that forces you to do math calculations to figure out the time. He is really into gadgets like that.

Sister: Professor Marvel county fair banner recreation prop. As a Wizard of Oz fan, she plotzed.

Nephew: Screw that guy. I gave him 20 bucks.

Son: Drum set and LP player that plays and records vinyl to a computer. The son is really into my extensive LP collection which includes 75s, 45s and many, many albums from early Motown era to the late 80s so I let him have that. Also gave him money.

Wife: Jewelry and a nifty laptop. She previously had little interest in computers beyond playing Bejeweled and Mahjongg on my PC until I got her a Purple Netbook, which she uses for communication when out and about or traveling when texting isn't enough. From that experience she wanted a laptop of her own so I got her a nice one. The jewelry consisted of several sets of earrings. While wandering around the stores if she mentioned they were nice or showed some interest I went back later and bought them for her.

The Chihuahua: A bag of chicken treats, a few chew toys and a coupon good for one incident of pooping in the house.


What I got!

Land of the Lost Board game and Safari Shooter!

Sleestak mask! I have no idea what to do with it. Maybe put it on a wig mount and in a glass case? Still cool, even if it is from the stupid movie.

The Great Anti-War Cartoons from Bully!

A t-shirt 2 sizes too small!

100 bucks!

Wallet, pen and watch set!

So the day turned out pretty much as I predicted. Everyone else in the family is full of shame and I went home full of the knowledge I totally kicked everyone's asses.

Don't forget to have a Hayley-riffic Christmas!

Spot the Secret Sleestak

Everyone has heard of "Hidden Mickeys" right? Where Disney Imagineers inserted Mickey Mouse images in most of the attractions at the famous theme parks?

Well, much like silhouettes of the famous mouse appear all over the Disney theme parks so do representations of the Sleestak from the classic 70s television show The Land of the Lost appear elsewhere! A fan site commenter somewhere made the assertion that the statue of El Cid in San Diego's Balboa Park contains a Secret Sleestak! Can you find it?


El Cid, by Anna Hyatt Huntington. Installed 1930.

Be First Back To Your Cave

This is an Operation: Awesome Christmas update!

I am a difficult person to buy presents for. If it isn't the newest Gerber multi-plier my wife has no idea what to get me for special occasions. So some of the time we agree upon a budget and I buy myself something nice. This year for Christmas we did just that and I really scored.

After more than a few unsuccessful years trying to find a vintage Land of the Lost board game for my own I finally managed to snag a good specimen. I had searched for the LotL game from the first series in an on-again, off-again fashion for a few years now. Professional collector resources were ridiculously expensive and the grifting nature of the sellers of most auction sites made my attempts to buy one exercises in frustration. Bids at a more than fair price were routinely lost at the last possible second as Seller ABC, under the guise of sock-puppet Buyer ACB, purchased the item from themselves to prevent it from being sold at less than what they wanted monetarily.

Discouraging, but I knew that interest in the 2009 Land of the Lost movie would see a greater proportion of LotL-related merchandise for sale than were previously available. While the studio predictably did not market a line of toys there were a few promotional and licensed memorabilia items available. One internet pal has sent me on several occasions promotional gear from the film such as a shirt, compass and hat. That was cool and was very welcome.

It was over the course of the last several weeks I managed to successfully purchase two examples of vintage Land of the Lost merchandise. My experiences with the sellers were positive and not merely because I won the sales but because they acted like professionals running a business, something that is sorely missing from much online retail.

Here are the two recent acquisitions to my collection of Land of the Lost memorabilia. Click the photos to make them Dino-sized.

Safari Shooter
The first game I purchased was the Land of the Lost Safari Shooter pinball game from 1975 (though I suspect this is a recently-made toy claiming to be vintage). It is in excellent condition and if I ever go insane I'll take it out of the wrapper. The backboard image for the pinball machine is pretty sweet and I'd love to take it apart just to scan it. If I ever find one for real cheap that is a mess I will. More than likely it will go in a shadowbox and get hung on the wall.


Land of the Lost game
The second item is the big prize and is the favorite of the two. It is the 1975 Land of the Lost board game by Milton Bradley. It is relatively rare to find one of these games in acceptable condition and this one is in really good shape. Here are photos of the box cover, inside cover, rules with adjacent spinner and the game board.

This is the best Christmas ever.

Note: I'm not usually one for watermarking my images but I put a bit of time and effort into acquiring this awesome vintage game. I did take pains to avoid placing the LTMS logo over the image itself because I like to share. If someone is going to gank these pics and use them without attribution or go so far as to slap a 'Mecha-Droid Ten' logo on it and act like they own it then they are going to have to spend a few minutes working for it.

She is dead to me

Along with The Proposal and Drag Me To Hell the spouse picked up the Land of the Lost DVD which, as expected, was released with no fanfare and less advertising in under four months after the theatrical release. Additionally, the DVD showed up on store shelves on a Saturday and not the usual Tuesday that most retail outlets schedule for their weekly movie release dates.

When I asked the wife why she spent money on the disappointing Will Ferrell feature she shrugged and said she knew I liked Land of the Lost. It is like the last 20 years of marriage never existed.

Since the wife is deaf she typically enjoys visual humor and the awkward slapstick that Ferrell and company attempted kept her interested until the end of the film. The DVD also satisfies my completist urges for anything associated with Land of the Lost, but just barely. I doubt I will ever watch it again unless it is to compare it to some future and far superior treatment to the 2009 version, much like people who watch both the original The Day the Earth Stood Still and the stultifying Keanu Reeves release in one sitting. Really, though, I would have been less annoyed if she had purchased two copies of The Proposal.

Rolling Back The Years

Before Rick Marshall met his terrible end by bouncing off the steep walls of the Grand Canyon he made a few detours through time and space courtesy of the same rip in the fabric of the universe our favorite World War 1 era puppy Schatzi fell through way back in Star Spangled War Stories #148.

Who loves a retcon? That's right, we all do! When a retcon is mashed-up with a cross-over then it is like Blogiversary in July!

Yep, I started this site on this date back in July 2005. Or was it 1992? You never know with a retcon!

Thanks to all those who linked, read, supported, critiqued, ignored, picked-apart and gave advice over the years.

Special thanks to Marionette, Bully and his pal John, Dr. Zauis and Comics Should Be Good.

If I left anyone out it is because I suck but rest assured I appreciate all you did, even that one mean guy I won't mention, because whatever little I do is better because of it.

I'm just here for the Sleestaks

Spoiler Alert! There are none. If you have seen the trailers then you have already seen the 'best' the 2009 film The Land of the Lost has to offer.

Since I am such a big fanatic of the original 1970s Land of the Lost television show I know that several people are expecting some angry, unhinged rant about the new movie along lines familiar to those who visit Star Trek forums regarding the reboot film. Other than a few humorous and not so serious gags aside I'm going to have to disappoint. As a fan of science fiction I know what I wanted to see in a LotL movie and the recent entry that opened this week to nearly universally poor reviews and a flat box office was definitely not it.

Simply put, it was not a very good film.

One of the creative problems barring success when adapting television shows to the cinema is the limitations of the broadcast format. Even the shortest story arc can be contained within a short time span of a half hour to an hour because their is a certain freedom to long form story telling that will gradually reveal over weeks. Some shows adapt easily to the big screen and the limited amount of time in which to tell a story and some do not. Star Trek was able to carry that television sensibility to the theaters with some success. There was enough interest from the existing audience of fans to keep the franchise afloat. Recently, faced with the reality of audience indifference the Trek brand was forced to retool the concept and and discard the television format, breathing new life into the Star Trek universe.

The original 1970s children's television show The Land of the Lost is one of those shows that was admittedly limited by the realities of television. However in spite of the Saturday morning budget and inexpensive special effects what made the show somewhat of a success and a small cult favorite were the stories.

The original series always played the science fiction elements as straight and even with the primitive green screen effects and sometimes over-the-top acting it worked, mainly due to the series being high-concept and high budget in spirit if nothing else. This is what the 2009 big screen treatment of The Land of the Lost is missing. In the attempt to distance the product from its "cheesy" origins and start over the film was retooled. However unlike Star Trek the re-imagined Land of the Lost will not share in the critical and financial success of the Roddenberry creation. The Land of the Lost is something of a squandered opportunity. Most films plan for at least a sequel or at most a trilogy over several years exploiting the desire of the audience to see more of the characters or events they care about. This is what brings people back to a television show week after week (and what proves troublesome when giving a serialized show the cinema treatment). The Land of the Lost franchise as it was presented in 2009 will very likely not create many financial opportunities in the future.

The story is particularly troublesome as while it is not complex, it may have been too much for the Director to handle. Often during the film often a character will say or do something in the beginning of a scene which is abandoned halfway through or forgotten about in the next sentence. It is particularly glaringly obvious during the Library of Skulls scene and may have a lot to do with the alleged comedy bits, notably focusing on Will Ferrell. Primarily, what was a problem was the mediocre comedic direction taken by the film. Had the Land of the Lost remained closer to its children's television origins and scared the pants off of the audience then it could have had the opportunity to spawn at least a sequel. There is ample proof that "Hard SF" can be successful at the box office, Star Trek and Batman being two recent examples. What is exceptionally disappointing is that under the right direction Will Ferrell has shown he can act a serious part, as he did a fine dramatic though absurdist role in Stranger Than Fiction. Like Adam Sandler and many other comedians they do their best work when their star power is reigned in and the film does not depend upon their one-liners or wacky facial expressions to carry it.

With a movie that is all about inter-dimensional travel many of the special effects were uninspired. This may have been an intentional homage to the limited budget sets and effects of the 1970s show but it seems odd that the production design would go that way when everything else about the film attempted some creative distance from the source material. There are plenty of references to the original series but they came off as trying too hard and like the humor felt forced into the scenes.

Visually the Sleestak are pretty much the main reason to even see the film or for that matter to watch the original show. Their back story was sad and inspired, another element of the serious tone of the original series that the film discarded. The giant, humanoid predatory lizards were upgraded and the charm of the 1970s series was not abandoned and they have a few new creepy features courtesy of improved prosthetic technology and CGI. Were it not for the frightening reveal of the rows of dentata this movie could have been aimed at more of a family audience with greater success, much like Journey to the Center of the Earth. One of the clues that the film would be a flop was that no action figures were released to any stores in my area and that is a sign that marketing and retailers have little confidence in the success of the film translating into store sales. Another is the lame attempt to create a new catch-phrase in the public consciousness by forcing a stupid joke down our throats by using a familiar daytime talk show host.

It isn't even that what made the film a failure is that it went with a comedic approach though it is clear I would have preferred the more serious style of Science Fiction. Any script whether it be dramatic, surreal or full of toilet jokes could be a critical and financial success if it was good and well-executed. Doctor Who and Red Dwarf are excellent entries in that style. The 2009 Land of the Lost movie is just bad and a very poor effort. It appears clear that the entire production was tailored for whatever Will Ferrell thought would work in a skit. But rejected SNL vignettes do not a movie make.

Look for the DVD to be out on the store shelves by August if not by the end of July. The original ending to the film including the cameos by Kathy Coleman and Wesley Eure that ended up being discarded in the final cut should be included in the release.

via Dr. Zaius

Holly Loves Cha-Ka.

Dinosaurs Cavort

Here's an interesting short article about stop-motion model animation from Starlog #8 (September 1977) featuring the work done on the 1974 series Land of the Lost.

Four days left to the premiere of the 2009 big screen treatment. I am as filled with dread as I am interest.

Click the slideshow below to take you to the photo set or toggle the full screen button to read the article.

I could be wrong

...And pterodactyls could fly out of my butt. I guess I'll find out in about 5 days.