Showing posts with label Sleestak for President. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sleestak for President. Show all posts

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Concede?

With the recent election of Barack Obama to the Presidency of the United States, many real Americans for America have been asking when I will be conceding the race.

Concede? There is nothing to concede. Many people forget that I have access to amazing technology that allows not only journeys to alternate universes but the ability to travel through time as well.

To suggest that I have "lost" my bid to be President of the United States of America is to ignore the Krofftian resources that I can avail of myself of by a simple visit to the Hayley Mills Celebratory Complex Research and Development warehouses located here in sunny San Diego.

As the ultimate beltway outsider (watching tragedy unfold in this universe on a screen from my home dimension) what was made clear to me was that change was needed. It was obvious that inaction and apathy was dangerous. The work of many players was needed to avoid a terrible future that would rival the downfall of my own people. I could not allow America, and by extension the world, likewise descend into primitive, superstitious and warring tribes as my once enlightened race did. I have seen the futures and they were terrible indeed.

Manipulating events is much simpler on a grand scale than it is to manipulate people. Except for Monkerstein. That was so easy it was embarrassing. Not that the bad guys didn't try to accomplish both. Fortunately, while most people do not succumb to fear and ignorance there are enough who will not light a candle and instead prefer to cower in darkness and gather many around them, to huddle in caves and hide from the light. But many people, canines, frogs and simians and even the inanimate did their part by lifting torches over the land. They sensed that by not moving forwards we would all be taking giant steps backwards. True Americans for Americans could not tolerate such Non-American behavior.

Many entered the race for President. Others supported them. Encouraged in part by their bravery against impossible odds an unprecedented number of people became involved in guiding their own future, all wielding a tiny bit of influence on their surroundings. It was a good fight. One that we won. The anti-progressives tried to re-write the commandments and carved over two hundred of them, not in stone, but the bony, bleached skulls of our founding fathers. Alone, we accomplished little. Yet as the flap of a butterfly's wings can change the weather, how the stupidest movie star can occasionally say something wise and the way that very special issue of Teen Titans featuring Starfire helped crush Apartheid all those hats tossed into the ring disturbed the air enough to create a mighty storm.

Nothing was "lost". It has all gone according to plan.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Comic Book PSA: Don't forget to register

From Showcase #5 (December 1956).

I wonder how many of these things in the PSA are illegal now or legal only because it may influence voters. Literacy test? Giving free babysitting services could be construed as vote-buying and what dirty trick-playing political hack wouldn't try to steer people who have a poor understanding of English into voting for their party? I comprehend English just fine and I have a heck of a time figuring out what those Vote NO on YES ads are really trying to tell me. Don't laugh or sneer until you read some history.

And 37 per cent of eligible voters didn't cast a ballot for President in 1952? I assume this means not the eligible people who were "mistakenly" listed as felons or didn't have photo ID but didn't bother to go to the polls. That 37% gave us Eisenhower and Tricky Dick! Ouch! We all know how that's turned out. Or maybe not. People forget what a candidate said a month ago.

The benefits of registering to vote:
  • You get to contribute to making things worse than before.
  • One less box to check on that form at the DMV.
  • You get called for jury duty.
  • Naive yet attractive college-age women may come to your house with many pamphlets, something most comic book fans are not used to.
  • 4 a.m. phone calls from auto-dialers with recorded messages about the "issues".
  • Going to the Candidates' debate.
  • The knowledge that you did something worthwhile, because that annual five dollar donation to the Salvation Army at Thanksgiving just isn't enough to erase all the crappy things you did to everyone all year.
  • The smug feeling you get when ignoring all those guys in front of grocery stores trying to get you to sign petitions and register for their preferred party.
  • Write-in candidates on ballots, i.e.: SLEESTAK FOR PRESIDENT.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Thanks, Chelsea!

"I'm here of my own free will to endorse Sleestak for President. I trust Sleestak more than I do my own Mother. After all, Sleestak would never repeatedly sell me to the highest bidder or strand me on a street corner. Sleestak is for America, by America for all true, honest, decent, hard-working Americans that love America. That is why I fully support Sleestak for President. You should too, because if my Mom is elected again, she'll cut you unless you get her [Expletive Deleted] money right now, [Expletive Deleted]! "



Why you blankety-blank!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Freedom of Speech must be pre-approved

Don't let mysterious, uniformed enforcers of the status quo control the message.

Vote SLEESTAK for PRESIDENT!