Oh, come on!

I get what the creators are doing and what audience they are targeting, but come on!

From Terminator: Revolution #3 (2009).

Previous ridiculousness: Terminator: Babe-O-Rama.

Terminator: Babe-O-Rama

In a bleak, post-Apocalyptic future mankind is on the brink of extinction. The machines rose from the ashes of atomic Armageddon. Their war to exterminate mankind had raged for decades. Nuclear fires rage across half the North American continent. The sky is dark with ash.

Terrible, thinking machines called Terminators hunt without mercy the pitiful remnants of humanity. The people the Terminators kill immediately are the lucky ones. Those that survive being captured are made into slaves and when their usefulness is ended, fed into ravenous incinerators to serve as fuel for nightmarish factories.

And yet in this horrible, dying future one woman looks fan-freaking-tastic.

That woman is Tara, the wife of destined savior of humanity, John Connor. Squalid living conditions, high background radiation count, rampant disease, lack of clean water and malnutrition have had no deleterious effect on her magnificent, giant, firm breasts and awesome hair. Tara's smooth, clean and finely toned body are nothing less than a sexy, totally bad-ass shout of defiance against mankind's tireless enemies, who are clearly cool (being Terminators and all) but are not really intended to be fanboy fantasy material. We should all look that good during present day.

If Skynet sent the Terminators back in time to kill the creators of the panty before they were born then they apparently failed, so it's heartening to see that after nuclear Armageddon hot, hot, hot Uber-babes will wear thongs into battle against killer cyborgs. Because sexy underthings will recruit more humans into the Resistance than any old speech by John Connor.

From Terminator: Revolution #1 (2009).

Conan vs. Terminator

I was looking through my collection of Savage Sword of Conan magazines and one cover by Earl Norem (see it here) in particular gave me an idea. The ethereal specter of death hovering over the plain in the background of the battle scene could easily be the skull of a T-100. The bodies of the slain heaped up beneath Conan's heels could be not only Hyperborean warriors but the chassis of wrecked Terminator soldiers as well.


A Conan vs. Terminator film would be rad. I'd pay to see the film twice or more. I'd eat the marketing tie-in Happy Meals. I'd buy all the novelization and comic book adaptations plus the ensuing series and one-shots. I'd fall for every Special Edition and Director's Cut re-issue of the DVD. I'd purchase two each of all the toys (one to play with, one to keep in original packaging). No matter how stupid or useless any product some soulless clown in a licensing office thought up in connection with the Conan vs. Terminator franchise I would buy it, and be glad to do it.

Original art elements by Earl Norem and Paul Gulacy.