Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Scarlett Johansson should have gone totally Black Canary

The wife had the E! Channel’s Golden Globes pre-show on last night and I thought I'd comment on obnoxious creep Isaac Mizrahi's behavior on the red carpet. Due to the recent renewed awareness about the harassment of comic professionals and the resurgence of 90's Image-style over-the-top objectification of female characters that seems to be exploding out everywhere I think this deserves a mention.

Most media outlets are of the opinion that Mizrahi is a cute, funny and charming guy who rescued an otherwise dull event from boredom. Well, I disagree. He acted liked a pervy jerk, displaying behavior that the homeless guy in the mall engages in hoping that the Police will take him to County Health for three days of cozy beds, detox and hot meals. But since advertising dollars compromises the entertainment and news media you can't expect them to condemn the representative of a show that is generating large amounts of revenue. If everything this guy did had occurred on the street instead of in front of network cameras he would have been arrested. Particularly awful was the grope-out by Mizrahi of Scarlett Johansson's breast.

Mizrahi asked about the support of her dress and under the guise of verifying the design of the fabric, cupped a breast, giving it a squeeze. Johansson laughed but seemed uncomfortable and appeared to be looking for a way out of the situation. I thought I'd see a different reaction from Johansson but being under the unblinking eyes of the media most certainly ensured that she remain in the faux persona of a Hollywood Star and not react like a real person would.

And yet, not much negative reaction from the media about it, which is most disappointing and not unexpected. Take a look at these excerpts from around the web...

From Time.com
With former red carpet wild cards Joan and Melissa Rivers playing it straight on the TV Guide Channel and by-the-book-boy-host Ryan Seacrest orchestrating a mostly bland crew on E!, the arrivals left us unmoved. Fortunately Seacrest’s co-host Isaac Mizrahi took some chances, like cupping Scarlett Johansson’s breast, ostensibly to check out her dress’s built-in support. Nice save, Isaac!

Hey, dumbass! A "nice save" is catching a soda before it hits the floor. Honking a breast like it was a circus clown's old-timey novelty horn isn't.

From NorthJersey.com
But it was Scarlett Johansson's dress that couldn't keep cameras (and hands) off of her in low-cut, rouge Valentino. She was so sexy that E! commentator Isaac Mizrahi copped a feel on camera.

So what they are saying is that "she was asking for it".

From Times Herald Record
During the red-carpet coverage, Mizrahi stole the show early, bantering with Ryan Seacrest and getting up close and personal with the A-List bodies of the red carpet. He found out that Teri Hatcher wasn't wearing underwear but Jessica Alba and Keira Knightley were. He asked Eva Longoria about her (ahem) hairstyle and even felt up Scarlett Johansen, chanting, "I touched Scarlett's boobs, I touched Scarlett's boobs."

Dude! Score!

From Post Chronicle
Isaac Mizrahi has got to be one of the luckiest men in the world. Next to Josh Hartnett, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, and any other individual who's been blessed with a moment of pure ecstasy in getting a palm on the 'Golden Globes' of Scarlett Johansson.

Clever, those reporters. Musta gone to school fer writing or something.

From the unfortunately-named Seattle Post Intelligencer
It has to be said: Isaac Mizrahi is by far the best red carpet host ever -- or, at the very least, in a very long time. Ryan Seacrest's much-ballyhooed red-carpet debut was fine, but Mizrahi was the real reason to keep watching. The affable fashion designer has the Midas touch with celebs. He's kind, yet saucy. And, he has that gay best-friend ease about him, plus, he has that fashionista thing going for him, which is why he can get away with looking down Teri Hatcher's dress, touching her belly and going through her purse (he just grabbed it, handed Hatcher his microphone and rifled through the small clutch). Then he asked Eva Longoria about how she waxes her hoo-ha (Brazilian? Au naturel?) and worried what the purseless (and hence, condomless) Natalie Portman would do if she wanted to hook up with someone.

And it goes on and on and on like that for search-result page after search-result page. Great message, yes?

I would have liked to see, on live television,
Scarlett
Johansson go totally Black Canary on Mizrahi's ass.

Instead of squirming uncomfortably, I think it would have been great if Johansson would have decked him, stopping the merciless beating only when the police arrived to forcibly pull her off of his unconscious, bloodied body. As a career move it would have been nothing but a plus for Johansson to market herself as the Woman Who Won't Take Any Crap From Idiots. If I were in Johansson's place, the cops would have had to multi-taser me into dreamland before I stopped hitting Mizrahi, but that's just me.

Does anyone think Mizrahi would have withdrawn his hand in one piece if he did that to Queen Latifah? Hell, no! Because the Queen doesn't put up with the disrespect. There isn't enough plaster within three states to set the number of broken bones Mizrahi would have received if he put the grab on her. Unfortunately for everyone, Scarlett and several other actresses (and actors) let themselves be cheaply used, prostituting themselves out to vacuous pop culture for the low, low price of a sound byte.

If there ever is a movie featuring the Black Canary then it should star Scarlett Johansson. She could win an Oscar if she applied the assault to some method-acting.

Follow Up:
Eva Longoria at the SAG Awards

16 comments:

  1. Apparently more than just Johansen should have beaten the shit out of him. What the hell? Can he get away with that because he's gay? What the hell?

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  2. I am sickened by both his behaviour and the reporting of it that you quote. I am just disappointed that Ms. Johansen didn't give him the good hard kick in the crotch he richly deserved.

    I mean, there's probably a queue by now.

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  3. Wow. Just wow.
    All the people (I won't call them journalists), deserve nutpunches, too.

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  4. Wow, I am amazed at the reaction from the supposedly mainstream press to that stupid stunt. It just shows what a different set of beliefs and standards the mass of people have for people on TV.

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  5. The media just didn't know what to do. It was an "award" show, so everything needs to be upbeat and happy. The perpetrator is gay, so they don't want to be seen as coming down on homosexuals. And aren't Terri Hatcher and Scarlett Johansen and so forth just asking for it, what with the dresses they wear and the shows/films they star in?

    I wonder how this would have played out if it was a straight guy copping a feel on CSI star Marg Helgenberger...

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  6. And aren't Terri Hatcher and Scarlett Johansen and so forth just asking for it, what with the dresses they wear and the shows/films they star in?

    Um... this was irony, right?

    I had a long day at work.

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  7. Yes, Ragnell, irony.

    The media should have skewered Mizrahi. For that mnatter, any network or producer should think twice before asking him to be on their show in the future.

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  8. He'll get plemty of jobs. As non-plussed as the hosts were over Mizrahi's actions, a Suit will look at it like Bobcat Goldthwait setting a chair on fire: Good for the ratings.

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  9. if Scarlett Johansen HAD reacted the way we all wish she would have and called Mizrahi on being completely without class and a general douche.... Do you think the media would have come to their senses a bit and criticized Mizrahi? Or do you think Johansen would have been slammed in the press as a frigid bitch?
    In other words... Can one person stand up in the face of that sort of bullshit and manage to make the majority realize that's inappropriate? Or is "the mainstream" so without a sense of class these days that being decent only makes you a spoilsport?

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  10. By the way, Isaac is a HUGE gay man who designs clothes. Maybe you should calm down and take his actions at face value. He sees naked women every day and I highly doubt that all of a sudden he's going straight on national tv for some sexual exploitation of a Hollywood starlet. When he comes to feel you up, then we can freak.

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  11. So he's gay and designs clothes. It wasn't suggested that he turned straight and copped a feel, it was that he copped a feel in the first place.

    As thewritejerry stated "I wonder how this would have played out if it was a straight guy copping a feel on CSI star Marg Helgenberger..."

    Mizrahi DID do an act of sexual exploitation of a Hollywood starlet. That only his fingers moved and not his wang makes no difference.

    I am taking his actions at face value. On the face of things, he acted like a jerk.

    And only the homophobic would worry that a crazed Mizrahi was stalking them for their genitals.

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  12. I guess the checks from the advertisers have cleared, because this article finally showed up in Yahoo news.

    http://tinyurl.com/dlmro

    "In fact, Mizrahi was just what the network ordered. He's already been assigned to carpet duty at the
    Academy Awards on March 5.

    "I have no idea what plans E! has on Oscar night. If they're suggesting they would do something similar on our red carpet, we would have some good discussions with them," said academy spokesman John Pavlik. "I can predict we would be extraordinarily angry if that happened on our carpet. I cannot predict what we would do afterwards."

    Mizrahi's offices had no comment yet. The "He's gay, a dress designer and he prods women all the time" excuse was used again (as if fitting a dress is the same as an assault)but at least the news orgs is taking an interest in the non-cute aspects of his behavior, even if it is only to ramp up interest in what he might do at the Oscars.

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  13. Isn't this all just an extension of the Howard Stern/Punk'd school of "ha ha, of course you can make a fool out of me, I wouldn't want to seem like I'm not COOL or anything..."?

    The day Ashton Kutcher comes around the corner and gets cold-cocked by Usher will be the day the madness starts to end.

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  14. I find it ironic that a medical doctor who did something like that would probably get banned from practicing (or at least warned) regardless of their gender, intentions or sexual orientation.

    Its not about Mizrahi being gay or not, its about Scarlett Johansen's personal space being invaded in a big way.

    In her situation I would have reciprocated by removing both his testicles.

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  15. i think you should all put yourself in scarlett's shoes...or rather, think about a different perspective that has nothing to do with being a sexist pig. How about, maybe she didn't really care? Like, maybe she thought it was funny, or even used to the fact that people all over the world think she's plain hot? Maybe she just enjoys it. So that would mean you people are making a big deal over nothing. Word. Take a new perspective and enjoy life a bit more...just because you would act a certain way, doesn't mean another person should.

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  16. I agree. When will the media at large get the idea that talentless, mean hearted wannabe media personlities like Mizrahi are the week runts of the litter and should be eaten and spit out.

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