Saturday, April 28, 2007

How to tell if the Iron Man movie will tank

Someone out there in internet-land needs to find out if in the up-coming Iron Man movie the power regulator in Tony Stark's chest, which keeps his damaged heart beating, alerts him to its' status by having the lights go out sequentially one by one as the power levels drop.

If they do go out as the battery ebbs, then you know the movie will really, really suck. Why is that? Because if the creative team on the film uses a plot device as tired as using such a patently ridiculous visual clue for the Fake Dramatic Countdown then you just know they won't hesitate to lazily exploit every single cliche' that they possibly can that is stored in the Big Box of Stupid Cinema Cliches' in order to pad the script.

Hey, want to bet that when the regulator has only moments of power remaining that the entire thing lights up and blinks rapidly?

"Arrrgh! Blacking out...heart...failing...power levels...dropping! But must reverse polarity of transistor-powered Captain Morgan-Quaalude Dispenser...if it is!"

PING blink blink blink blinkblinkblinkblinkblink beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....


See what I did there in the title? I can't believe I don't get paid for this.


  1. Fairly certain that's actually his X-Box Live online status

  2. I think it's a rotary dial so he can call for help if he has a heart attack or is out of Cuervo or something.

  3. But wouldn't that kind of melodrama be really, really faithful to the spirit of the original Stan Lee stories?

  4. Sure and awesome back in 1967. Not so much in 2008.

  5. Turns out the movie was an enormous hit.

  6. Sure. But followed the 'I created a problem and I'm a hero because I cleaned up my own mess' formula. That plot will kill the comic movie franchises.


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