Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Revenge is a Smoothie best served cold

A few days ago I'm at the local Coffee Bean Barn adjacent to my favorite book store (just missing Bully in person by a few hours, darn it!). It's hot outside so I order the new Mango Banana Smoothie they are just putting out on the market. The conversation goes something like this:

Me: "Let's try the venti Mango-Banana Smoothie, please."

Perky Barista: Okay! Would you like some 'Energy' with that?

Me: 'Energy'?

Perky Barista: Sure! 'Energy'!

Me: Well, if you are all out of 'Magic Rainbow Sparkle Dust', sure. I'll try some 'Energy'.

Not-So-Perky-Anymore Barista: Allright. That'll be $6.95.
After my drink is done I realize that I broke one of the cardinal rules of survival in a modern society. The first rule is to never annoy people that handle your food or save your life. This means you never, ever mess with Cooks, Cops or the Fire Department. Not if you know what is good for you. There are a lot of crazies out there in the world and some of them have jobs and make it through stringent screening processes. Look at Congress. You'd think that would be common sense that everyone practices but take it from one currently in the service industry and former Law Enforcement, hardly anyone ever thinks about that.

So I'm in my car driving and realize the Barista exacted her revenge for my humorous smart-assery. The straw kept clogging on the banana chunks in the Smoothie forcing me to repeatedly clear the straw by blowing it clear. My enjoyment of the drink was ruined and I had to really work at drinking it, eventually giving up. You see, she gave me a skinny straw instead of the extra-wide one designed for the blended drinks.

I think I got off lucky.


  1. Hee hee! You are just clutching at straws, Sleestak!

    "Cool it sweeite!" Aunt May is a hoot as a hippie!

  2. In my reading of this story I'm imagining that the barista is a Zooey Deschanel–type and that the reason she did that was so that you would go back in so she could bat saucery blue eyes at you.

    That is, in a parallel universe where the Sleestak is not otherwise committed and Zooy Deschanel types work at fruit smoothie bars.

  3. You got off lucky. She could have put her dick in it.

  4. Holy cats, that guy next to Peter is the one that turned out to be his arch-nemesis, isn't it? Green bowtie, widow's peak, clammy pallor, and compressed forearms...did this dude really need to bother with a goblin costume to declare I AM AN EVIL FREAK? Like that burglar who killed Uncle Ben, Spidey could have saved himself a lot of hassle later on by nipping this thing in the bud. Gah, he's like Namor with porphyria.


Moderation enabled only because of trolling, racist, homophobic hate-mongers.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.