Friday, August 03, 2007

The Girl in the Brown Bamboo Swing

I think I can say with certainty that that no one ever watched Land of the Lost and got excited over any of the characters or thought they were sexy*. The show has always impressed me as being pretty innocent and straightforward in presentation. The science fictional elements of the show were always the main characters anyways with the story usually overshadowing the actors.

It isn't that any of the cast were not appealing enough. I'm sure someone, somewhere had a poster of Dad on their wall and breathlessly waited for the next issue of Tiger Beat for the chance to enter the "Win A Date With Wesley" contest.

When the show premiered I was of similar age to actress Kathleen Coleman, who played daughter Holly Marshall. Yet though she was of "girlfriend age" to young viewers like myself and presumably cast partly for her appeal, I never saw Holly as a person of interest or the type I would want as a girlfriend. Possibly Holly's constant whining irritated me and I instinctively avoided it knowing I'd get plenty of same in later years from various adult women.

But then I see this old promo file picture that served as the cover for one of the DVD releases of the LotL collection and I think I was wrong in my belief that the stars and the show were not promoted in the usual exploitative Hollywood way. Take a gander at that hand made kink-chair Holly is riding in. The picture seems kind of fetish-y to me. The pose and setting may be unintentional and perfectly innocent but I'm a big believer that very little is done in the way of packaging stars and other entertainment without fine attention to detail. Having known people in the industry who live and die by focus groups and demographics I don't believe the layout of photo was entirely by accident. I doubt you'll see similar poses anywhere featuring Spencer Milligan or Wesley Eure.

This is really the first time I ever looked at anything related to to Land of the Lost and thought: That's just wrong. And funny. And wrong.

"Okay, Spencer! These are for the money shots!
Now lean back against the hide. Spread your feet apart just a bit. Little...more. More! Now pick up that prop. What's that? Is it a rock? Is it a clue to the way home? Look hopeful! Look sad for me!Okay, look sleepy! Sleepy! Like you just woke up from a marvelous, wondrous dream! Now, lick your lips! That's it! That's sexy!"

* No one normal, I mean. The members of the nascent Furries crowd of the 1970s may have been all into the Cha Ka.



  1. Will really needed to button his shirt too.

    The fact that the sleestak ran around in loin clothes should be noted.

    Cover your shame!

    And personally I found Holly really annoying most of the time.

  2. While I think that your Chaney chair can explain why the president invaded Iraq, I think that your apparent desire to see Holly Marshall in same chair is a bit strange. Perhaps you need to see a member of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, like Dr. Carl Wickland. If nothing else, he can at least give you an excuse for your strange appetites.

    Your statement, "I'm a big believer that very little is done in the way of packaging stars and other entertainment without fine attention to detail," is interesting. I am thinking that most of today's 'stars' and 'entertainment' could probably use a little more attention to detail a bit less attention to everything else.


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