Nobody digs a word we say

Nearly 50 years after it was first unleashed upon the world the love song Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah as performed by the multi-talented Howard Morris for The Jetsons animated television show is a cultural and Valentine's Day classic. Originally broadcast in 1962 in the episode "A Date With Jet Screamer" Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah has outlasted many of the "serious" pop songs of the day and has been sampled and covered by such bands as the Dickies and most famously, the Violent Femmes. Plus: Starkids reference.

More on Howard Morris: Wikipedia, YouTube and as Professor Lilloman!

Big Barda commands you to be her Valentine

Originally posted 2007

Top 5 Love Songs of All Time

Here is my Valentine's Day list of the Top 5 Love Songs of All Time. This list can not be disputed. Eons from now the immortal cybernetic Octo-Wolves that host the digital remnants of humanity via blood-borne nano-bots will gather under the moons of Earth and lift high tentacles to transmit mp3000 howl-bursts of agreement over this list*.

5: Love, American Style theme
Like it or not if you lived during the 1970s this patriotic theme song was being whistled and hummed all over America. Composed by Charles Fox (of The Green Slime theme fame) the song got tweaked a bit from its original awkward arrangement into this snappy tune for a soft-core anthology comedy/romance show. Love, American Style is probably best remembered for hosting a stealth pilot for the long-running television series Happy Days.




4: American Pie
Vomitously covered by Madonna a few years back this 1971 ode to nostalgia was a huge hit for folk-rock artist Don McLean. This song is in the list because it is about a love of music and how it affects people. The song was one long reference to pop-culture.




3: This Guy's In Love With You
Another Golden Oldie from 1968 performed by Herb Alpert and written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David. This song could probably be credited for getting Herb all the action he could handle and more for the next several decades. The lyrics are a bit of a downer but the score itself is amazing and can't be diluted even when rearranged as elevator music.




2: X Offender
A seemingly shocking song that features the doo-wop styling typical of the proto-punk era by Blondie with vocals performed by Debbie Harry. Originally Sex Offender, the name was changed due to concerns that the tune would receive resistance from radio stations worried over public reaction to the title. True Blondie fans call it Sex Offender anyway and totally get it. The song about a sex worker who is arrested by a police officer is misunderstood by a lot of people who don't understand that cops are people and need love too.




1: Maybe I'm Amazed
A love song from Paul McCartney to his wife, Linda. Maybe I'm Amazed is considered one of his greatest songs and is prominently featured on several albums and is showcased during concerts. Paul reportedly wants this song to be the one he is remembered by. The live version is better than the studio one, of course.



* Frankly, I'm surprised I ever have sex.

Sealed With A...What?

My real-life true Valentine's Day story while at work and my conversation with one of the bakers as they set up a table of holiday cakes.

"So, what is this?"
"I dunno. They told me to decorate the heart cakes like those candy hearts. With words like Be Mine, UR Gr8, Luv You and SWAT."

"Yeah, SWAT. So what does SWAT mean?"

"Dunno. They just said SWAT."

"Maybe that was supposed to be SWAK."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"It does if you are saying Sealed With A Kiss."

"Oh, yeah. Well, they said SWAT."

"Sure they did. Okay, what's done is done. You can discount these tomorrow after Valentine's Day, right?"

They wonder why everything I say is prefaced with a heavy sigh.

Valen-Treasures for Valentine Day

Have fun!

Child Life (February 1957).

One Hundred and One Just Won't Do

HELL YES, Sheena.

Some wild talent, obsession and unbridled passion for your Valentine's Day listening pleasure. Way better than Bolero. Enjoy, you crazy cats!

From 1989.

The Red Flu

A good number of employees called out today with what I have come to call the "Red Flu". The Red Flu is an ailment that typically lasts 24-48 hours. The symptoms usually express themselves as headache, nausea, cramps, chest pains and can be diagnosed as Red Flu Type A or Type B.

Red Flu Type A and B both are contagious annually on or about February 14th. Type A is largely psychosomatic as the illness subsides once the employee has successfully called out sick from work. Any discomfort vanishes completely by the time they step out for a party that promises plenty of hot, drunken babes or the dinner reservations are confirmed with that special someone.

Red Flu Type B is initially similar in the way it affects the employee, with the exception of the added symptom of uncontrollable sobbing, as the employee becomes truly ill once they come to the sick realization they are alone and unloved.

Happy Valentine's Day!

It's a John Byrne Valentine's Day!

Ew.

Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

Cripes. What was Johnny thinking? The response should have been, "Yes, Lana...It would. You are a little girl and I am a grown man. It would be inappropriate and wrong on very many levels. Now, please excuse me. I'm going to go fly through the sun to clean off."

From Degenerations Generations #11, v III (January 2004).

Be My Mega-Valentine!