Count this

MR. BARROW
MASTER OF DOUBLE ENTENDRE

Love Confessions #3 (February 1950)

From the Library of Ada Winemiller, Part 1

An unknown time ago Ada Winemiller signed her name to a September 1958 copy of Brides In Love #9 published by Charlton Comics.

At this time Ada is a mystery. Nothing is known of her past, what she was like or the path of her life's journey. The travels of this old romance comic book are as equally unknown as the owner.

How is it that this book came into Ada's possession? Was it a gift, purchased with hard-earned nickles or begged for to a parent at a news stand? Did Ada enjoy the stories within and treasure them or did a cynical young girl dismiss them as foolish tripe?

That is almost impossible to say but here is one of the stories that a presumably young Ada Winemiller would have read way back in 1958. I'd like to imagine Ada lazily splayed over a pile of Annette Funicello records scattered about the floor, idly kicking her bobby sox adorned feet as she happily read about four-colored romance and happy endings as she dreamed of her future wedding day.

Painting the fourth wall

Nice panel gimmick by David Wachter for That Hell Bound Train (July 2011). I've seen something similar in a few movies but it works better in a comic book than the screen. Painting on glass to segue in the next scene isn't as effective as breaking the panel wall.

Desperately Seeking Ada

Who were you Ada Winemiller?

Why did you sign this 1956 copy of Brides in Love #9?

Was it to claim the wishes it held as your own?

What were your hopes?

Did you dream of a comic book romance?

Did it come true?

What was your life like?

Were you more happy than sad?

We may never know.

Recursion by Monteil

Seeing this ad for Nostalgia perfume in my copy of the December 1962 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine made me wistful for the good old days and before I knew it I was stuck in a recursive nostalgia loop from which there was no escape.

Captain America vs. Cthulhu

Ever wanted to read a story about Captain America vs. Cthulhu? Do you like super-soldiers, mad science and evil elder gods? Then check out this book, Beneath the Dark Ice.

Or maybe it was demons

It's been months and months since I have fallen ill, corresponding with the decision to stop letting customers use my personal pen to make notes or write checks at the register. I rarely got sick before I worked in retail but shortly after I started I kept having various health issues that just wouldn't stop. I suspected it was exposure to customers, raw meats and blood and relatively unsanitary conditions from shared keyboards, phone handsets and other equipment.

A few weeks ago I got sick again resulting in a short hiatus. It felt like it was the same sort of respiratory and intestinal affliction I always got when customers used my equipment or I failed to clean the keyboards and phones we all share. This is an illness we all share at some time or another and you can actually track the progress of it moving through the store like WHO tracks disease through the members of a remote village.

No telling how I got the old familiar germs but some weeks ago one customer hacked and coughed directly in my face and I could feel the warm death-spray spatter into my face. Of course my first reaction was a surprised "What the hell, dude!" The anger followed nearly immediately and I let the guy have it. He was not at all apologetic, just stood there and refused to respond or meet my gaze. To make things worse I had to assist him in entering his store club discount card and payment in the point of sale pad since it seemed beyond his faculties. The fact that he carried more money on him than I see in a month and had a wallet full of high-end credit cards did not help my mood any. I really hate it when stupid people make more money then I do.

I expected the worst and a few days later I started feeling poorly and then lapsed into horribleness. Fever, intestinal problems and the sensation of drowning in my own mucous lasted about four weeks total. Medicine did little to help and merely allowed me to keep on my feet, though one customer called the corporate office the complain I wasn't very upbeat and nice to her. She was apparently oblivious to my near-constant retching, coughing and difficulty standing without shaking. Don't people have anything better to do?

I guess it's also possible I got sick from the equipment but I doubt it. Some time ago the liquid sanitizer we used on the equipment was replaced with a gel that isn't suitable for wiping on keypads or phones. The glass cleaner we now use may be a poor substitute but I'm pretty fastidious about cleaning the gunk off my work spaces. So I'm pretty sure it was the jerk violently assaulting me by splashing his yellow/green lung fluids in my face that got me sick but ultimately...Who knows?

While the illness didn't cause much pain it did leave me exhausted by the end of the work day forcing me to ignore the site and place on hold various To Do projects. Curiously, during my hiatus of a week or so when I was not posting I received more followers, links and "likes" to the blog than I did during the last four months of regular updates.

And that hurt.

You've gone too far, DC

I don't care what you do with every other character post-Flashpoint, DC. Stupid 90s costumes, re-worked "contemporary" origins attempting to lure in young readers and discarding decades of world-building. All that I could care less about.

But THIS better be undone by the time you do the reboot.

Flashpoint #3 (Sept 2011).

The Million-Dollar Pixie

Years before Cosmopolitan magazine became known as Cosmo and advocated that liberated, independent, strong, intelligent and powerful women keep a married man on the side to help pay the bills movie star Hayley Mills appeared on the cover, goofing around and reinforcing a young image.Cosmopolitan used to be a well-rounded periodical of not only light articles but some in-depth investigative stories as well. From the December 1962 cover Hayley Mills talks about how her family keeps her grounded, the ways the young women of Moscow are defying Cold War stereotypes of behavior and fashion and the growing number of adults who are taking care of grandchildren born by unwed mothers. I'd like to present the Hayley Mills family-centric article "The Million-Dollar Pixie" in its entirety but laying the magazine flat enough to scan the pages would cause them to separate from the binding. I'll leave that sort of damage to those who cut ads and art out of vintage magazines and sell them online. So instead of the fascinating Hayley article I'll present a few pages of interior artwork instead.

Like many other magazines of the time a lot of page space was filled with fiction and non-fiction stories. For my tastes it isn't so much the writing and authors that are of interest but the art and illustrations that accompanied the stories. Frequently the art is classic and highly skilled and is widely appreciated as a stylistic snapshot of the era. Of all the art in this issue of Cosmopolitan it is the two pages that accompany the "complete mystery novel" Snow Job by Malcolm Gair, illustrated by Mitchell Hooks that I like the most. I've got a thing for duo-tone (or nearly so) magazine illustrations.

He put out his hand to throw back the bedclothes, but Sally caught his arm in
her long tanned fingers and stopped him. "You're doped," she said.

When he got to the low point of the cliff, he looked up.
On top stood a figure with a large stone poised to throw.

Cosmopolitan changed in the way it did to stay relevant and alive by appealing to a young, trendy and orgasm-conscious female demographic. While not the New Yorker by any means it was not a bad magazine at all and was likely better than many it competed with on the news stands. The change in the magazine was a sign of what was happening in the publishing industry as a whole at the time. The fact is if Cosmopolitan didn't change to increase readers and ad revenue when it did it would probably have ceased publication decades ago and been all but forgotten. I'm glad that Hayley wasn't featured in the magazine during a time when the cover would feature "new" sex positions and ways to drive your man wild in bed.

Sexual Healing

THIS TRICK

USUALLY WORKS

Brides in Love #1 (August 1956)

One shield to rule them all

Snagged this cool Captain America shield ring/cupcake topper from the bakery at work the other day. The shields are intended as value-added accessories to adorn cakes that a child or child-like fan can enjoy as a keepsake as a tie-in to the up-coming film Captain America, The First Avenger.

Unlike most of the official promotional items our bakery receives to be included on large and small decorated cakes the shield is remarkably well-constructed. Convex, the shield is firmly seated onto the mount and the paint job is clean, on-model and doesn't easily wear off. I had it in my coat pocket along with my car keys for three days and there isn't a scratch on it.

In comparison to the shield the Pirates of the Caribbean accessories were incredibly cheap and were of poor quality. The Pirates rings consisted of a flat recessed surface with a sticker placed within it. In the shipment we received most of the Pirates stickers were printed off-color and placed off-center. Like the last film, a truly disappointing experience for Depp fans.

I don't know how many Captain America-themed cupcakes we are are going to sell when the film comes out but kudos to the company that manufactured these what are primarily disposable toys.

MELTED ICE CREAM + RUINED MAGAZINES = HIGHER COST TO YOU

Sometimes my work day at my grocery store is filled with frustration and misery. Not from policies and procedures. Never by emergencies real or perceived. Long ago the military taught me what a real emergency was and how to keep calm during it. Nothing a high-rise building or a grocery store can throw at me gets me rattled. Losing your head just makes things worse. Usually it is the little things that repeat every minute all day long day after day that make me want to crawl into a supply cabinet, shut off the lights, curl up into a ball on the floor and hallucinate happier times.

It is usually the stunning amount of stupid I deal with all day that gives me migraines. Nearly everyone I meet acts the same way and has the same problem with the same equipment. It makes me think that the earth is populated by high-functioning zombies with only a rudimentary brain stem guiding their actions. I mean, HOW HARD IS IT TO USE A PAYMENT CARD? SWIPE A DISCOUNT KEY CHAIN TAG? READ A LABEL? ENTER A PHONE NUMBER? PUNCH IN A PIN NUMBER? REALLY? HUH?

To fix this, I propose that along with those already fantastic savings a customer receives by using their loyalty card at the grocery store that buyers should receive additional discounts when they successfully do any of the following (and only because maybe since common sense doesn't work and the use of cattle-prods outside the stockyards are illegal):

LOW, LOW PRICES!
A percentage off should be given to any customer that places their reusable bags in front of their order. 90% of the time the customer just stares while their entire order is bagged and then when everything is done and in the cart says "Oh, I have bags." And then wants everything taken out of plastic and put in their moldy, fungus-riddled, bacteria pockets. This is why we hate you.

On a side note, customers don't like when we throw the semi-used bags away or put them in the recycle bin and they typically remark or are hostilely emphatic that we should save them and use them for the next customer and their purchases. I am against that for a simple reason. Lets say a customer comes up with a bunch of fresh vegetables and the clerk uses a sack that the previous customer declined after their order was already bagged. As a new customer, would they be confident the bag wasn't used for insecticide, drain cleaner or meat products that leaked over the interior of the bag? What kinds of chemicals or toxins are getting transferred to that bundle of lettuce, loose carrots or box of baby cereal? Demand new bags or present your own bags at the start of the order. I do.

SILLY STRING THEORY
I think the existence of alternate universes are proven via the average grocery store. Because in what universe is it okay to just dump your hand basket of stuff on the belt and wait while we empty it, ring up your items and re-bag it? NOT THIS ONE. It really slows the lines down. So I think we should give 2% off any order where the customer empties their basket onto the belt AND then places the empty basket in a safe place under the checkout stand and not behind them on the floor so the next customer can trip and fall.

DID YOU JUST SPEND THE LAST THIRTY YEARS IN A CAVE?
I advocate giving a substantial discount to the entire purchase of anyone who can read the [expletive deleted] point of sale pad and figure out how to swipe a payment card without assistance and five minutes of wasted time. True, payment pads may differ from store to store but they are all similar and all have text instructions if not pictures detailing how to perform each step. As someone who works a register I am mystified that so many people are unable to perform a simple electronic payment function. Electronic payment cards have been around for about three decades, people! Catch up!

MELTED ICE CREAM + RUINED MAGAZINES = HIGHER COST TO YOU
4% off an order for any customer who decides they don't want their milk, ice cream, butter, meat or any other perishable item (heck, any item for that matter) and hands it to the cashier. A large part of any store's loss comes from spoiled items found dumped all over the store. Instead of stealthily depositing it in with the magazines, candy rack, on the floor or in a section that is not meant for it (don't put butter in the freezer, steaks in with the coffee, etc) give it to someone. I find ice cream left sitting in the magazine racks at the check stand nearly every day. The result is not only ruined product but a ruined magazine we have to compensate a vendor for. IF YOU DON'T WANT IT, GIVE IT TO THE CASHIER.

"I'VE GOT TO GO, THE $%##@&! CHECKER IS WAITING."
Anyone who hangs up the cell phone, stops playing with their e-reader or removes their ear buds in order to pay attention to the order should get another 5% off their order.

THANK YOU. NO, THANK YOU. I MEAN IT. THANK YOU.
The last discount idea isn't an incentive for pulling a head out of an ass but a bonus for honesty because I'm actually shocked when it happens: Anyone actually purchasing saffron instead of just stealing it should receive an extra 20% off that item. Those little bottles of spice cost nearly $20 a piece for a few threads of flavor enhancer and hardly anyone buys them. Usually ingredient-seekers just steal it. Where I work we only stock a few bottles at a time on the shelf but it is one of the most shoplifted items in our inventory. If saffron is stocked on Monday odds are the bottle is either stolen or the bottle is opened and the contents are emptied out by Tuesday. I'm actually to the point where I effusively thank any customer who actually purchases saffron.
"YOU BETTER GET MORE @%$#!^ CHECKERS OUT HERE! NOW!"
I'm not going to advocate that we give a discount to those customers who recognize that the employees are not robots, indentured servants or slaves. That should be the minimum expected and fines should be levied against any customer who acts out. I personally require customers to not be a-holeoids and expect them to act like human beings. Well, better human beings, actually. This doesn't apply to all customers. You know who you are. I've probably voided your order and kicked you out because of the way you have acted. Yes, I'm looking at YOU, snobby lady who voiced the opinion that "Mexicans shouldn't be allowed to shop in OUR store." If you are reading this please drop me a line and let me know what lucky establishment has had you as a customer these last two years.

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS
Sometimes I don't understand people. The grocery business is the only industry I've ever worked in where people act like their human rights are being violated if they have to wait in line a few minutes. If lines to the cash register are long it isn't because the store is cruel or doesn't want to sell stuff. Likely it is all the people they have available.

"SHUT IT DOWN. SHUT IT ALL DOWN."
One job site I worked required me to start shutting departments early and sending staff home if the store did not make 80k in sales by noon. Falling short of that sales goal was an indicator that the store would not be profitable that day unless we cut operating costs. If you don't like the wait then please call and let the management know staffing isn't adequate. DON'T call and lie saying the staff wasn't helpful or ignored you. They can't magically poop trained and certified cashiers or clerks out of their butts. Overtime in most instances is not allowed so staff are required to leave when their shifts end, even if it is inconvenient to you. State and Federal laws determine when and how breaks and meal times are to be taken and it may not coincide a break in customer visits. FYI: Not going to a meal break on time means a large fine for the store from the state and usually results in the employee losing their job after three or less incidents.

WILL THINGS CHANGE?
Probably not. The economy is bad, sales are worse and there are few grocery stores that can operate with a full staff that might possibly be idle for a few minutes during the day. Under-staffed and hoping for the best is the standard operating procedure. One major grocery chain in San Diego is removing all the self-checkout lines because they are not profitable, taking up more time than they are worth. This won't mean a corresponding increase in cashiers either, just a sort of precarious balance in customers to staff. There will undoubtedly be good and bad experiences for customers when this happens.

"I DARE YOU TO CALL THE POLICE."
I have been assaulted by customers and witnessed the same to co-workers due to long lines (a five-ten minute wait at most). I have been punched, poked, screamed at and had canned foods thrown at me. One employee had a pizza whipped at her face like a Frisbee from a customer who refused to wait in line. Most recently, a cup of hot coffee was splashed over an employee by an angry customer at one of our job sites. Shrieking rage is often expressed at the staff. People have screamed curses, shaking with anger that since there are not "enough checkers" they are justified in walking out with their full baskets.

Ironically when areas of San Diego were devastated by fires a few years ago and hundreds of thousands of people were displaced civility was the rule. Stores were jammed with people buying supplies to use or donate for relief. I did not experience anyone acting out. They were patient, kind and for the most part realistic about goods running out (though one couple asked for a discount on spices and gourmet foods because their personal chef was inconvenienced by the quality of goods stocked in the hotel they occupied during the fire). I just wish that people acted on a typical Friday night like they did back during the brush fires.

WORST. MATTE PAINTING. EVER.

When Worlds Collide (1958).

Look at me, Ted

TEDMAMMA'S BOY

And let's not forget one of the greatest "Mamma's Boy" songs ever made as performed by Steve Martin from the 1986 film The Little Shop of Horrors...

US Grade A

MARCUS

PREFERS COWS

A star on earth and the heavens

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

New comet found

San Diego, Ca. - (HMCC News Service) - Dedicated staff at the Hayley Mills Celebratory Complex Orbital Space Platform have announced the discovery of a new comet. Originally detected by the HMCC Deep Space Telescope in April 2011 the object was confirmed as a comet in a joint effort by NASA and the HMCC.

A preliminary orbit calculated by the HMCC has determined that the newly discovered comet, named HAYLEY-BOPP by an overwhelming number of raised hands supporting the designation, will swing by the planet earth in an orbit roughly the same distance from the Sun to the planet Venus.

Scientists have reported that the comet is unusual in its chemical make-up. Rather then the "dirty snowball" of ice and frozen gases that most comets are made of HAYLEY-BOPP is unique and atypical. The HMCC has determined through rigorous peer-reviewed science that HAYLEY-BOPP is made of pure, crystal clear water as clean as a mountain spring. "Cleaner, even." Claims the staff of the HMCC. "We suspect that the water is so pure that if a Maryland sewer rat were exposed to this celestial super-fluid it would transform into an immortal puppy that barks rainbows."

Below is the first photograph of comet HAYLEY-BOPP as recorded by the HMCC Deep Space Telescope. Coincidentally, the comet structurally resembles screen and television star Hayley Mills.
"Not so unusual." Claims Sleestak, the leader of the HMCC. "In a mysterious, infinite universe it is inevitable that Hayley Mills will appear almost everywhere you look. We all expected as much, hence the need for the Deep Space Telescope. It merely confirmed what we already knew, that Hayley Mills totally rules not only on earth but in space as well."

The HMCC also reports that while the path of HAYLEY-BOPP will bring it relatively near earth the distances between the orbits of the comet and the earth are "mind-boggling" and HAYLEY-BOPP is no threat to the planet. Says Sleestak: "HAYLEY-BOPP poses no danger to the earth at all, though of course there are always some doom cultists that are scared of things they don't understand. Yesterday the HMCC received a fax from the Lindsay Lohan Fan Club signed by both members pronouncing doom unless the comet is stopped and sent back into space. Oh, and Lindsay wants to know why Hayley won't return her calls."

Have a safe July 4th

From Girl's Love Stories #1 (Aug-Sept 1949).

And once again my wife, son and I are working the evening of July 4th, so if you want to go "OOOH" and "AAAH" at the pretty lights then pull the [expletive deleted] over and off the road.

You others stalkers can't deny

CREEPY FACELESS STALKER

LIKES BIG BUTTS AND HE CAN'T LIE

First Kiss #6 (Nov 1958).

ROGER THAT

ROGER

WILL NOT BE ROGERING TONIGHT

So that's where he got his start

Watched the classic 1965 film Planet of the Vampires last night and as ever was amused by the look of the unusual pressure suits worn by the cast with the impractical high collars, helmets, bulky gloves and stiff joints.

When the credits ran I discovered who the costume designer was. It all makes sense now.

The day FRANK avoided his BOSS

FRANKLAZY BASTARD

World of Mystery #4 (Dec 1956).

Green Lantern movie review

Didn't hate it. Which is probably the most I can hope for in a super-hero movie, that it isn't too terrible.

Anyway, here's a piece of art copyright Fred Hembeck featuring Nova kicking Hal's butt, originally from RBCC #150 (1978).

Hmm. This art needs a script...

Panel 1: "Hey, Ring Slinger Lad! What's this about you hitting on my girl Ginger? She's only 16!"

Panel 2: "She looks 28!"

Panel 3: "Eat Nova-fist, jerk! Eat it through your heart!"

Panel 4: "Daddy!"

Yeah. That was more fun than the movie.

Code Name: Gilda

I've had the phrase 'Weaponized Bio-Whore' stuck in my brain for weeks and finally photoshopped it out of my head where it can cease wreaking havoc on my gray cells. This must be what Ellis, Morrison and Moore feel like sometimes.

Take me to...Teen Street!

As part of the Disney marketing machine supporting the film In Search of the Castaways starring Maurice Chevalier and Hayley Mills, 1962 also saw the release of the elder and younger star hosting a concept album called Teen Street. Featuring a romance theme the idea behind Teen Street was that teenagers are not only the same all over the world but similar from one generation to the next. The album is a bit myopic culturally and has the standard Disney idealization of what life is like.

The album showcases established recording stars like Disney-staple Annette Funicello and relatively unknown performers getting some exposure that is surely low-risk to the studio. Billy Storm and Gary Shortall both have some good entries to the album. Annette Funicello and the Sylte Sisters add no surprises with entries pretty typical for the young teen market sought by Disney. One song listeners may take exception with is The Wildest as sung by Shortall (22:02). While not his fault the tune sounds so derivative of Dion's The Wanderer that lawyers for the Laurie label must have been high-fiving each other for months after the release, assuming Gary U.S. Bonds didn't have his people all over it first. Pushover by Storm and Rovin' Eyes by Shortall are good listens and I recommend them.

Disappointingly for most fans, Maurice and Hayley do not sing on this album. The soundtrack to Castaways would have been doing well enough at the time and Teen Street was undoubtedly using combined star power to promote sales. They serve only as hosts with Maurice doing most of the talking, introducing the songs in something of a cohesive narrative about young people finding love. The album is mostly referenced for the fun cover featuring Maurice and Hayley dancing on a cartoon street.

You can listen to the entire album as one file here: Teen Street

Here is the track list:

Side One
Teen Street - Group Vocal
Walkin' and Talkin' - Annette
Pushover - Billy Storm
Double Feature Movie - Sylte Sisters
Rovin' Eyes - Gary Shortall
Cinderella Jones - Sylte Sisters

Side Two
Double Date - Billy Storm
Two Against the World - Annette
The Wildest - Gary Shortall
Good Girl - Billy Storm
Teenage Wedding - Annette
To Be Continued - Sylte Sisters

Lest We Forget

In the Brightest Day Aftermath mini-series The Search for Swamp Thing, John Constantine is puzzling out why the new Swamp Thing, this time around hosting the spirit of Alec Holland is acting like an Eco-terrorist and not the more neutral "Guardian of the Green" he is familiar with.

After returning from being exiled in space as an unintended consequence of an assassination attempt, ST attacked and killed almost all of those responsible for the attack. All of the deaths were ironic or horrific in nature a la The Specter but the following pages from Swamp Thing #63 (August 1987) are the most grisly.

Prior to "The Anatomy Lesson" the Swamp Thing was a character that things happened to. He was a spectator and often a victim. Afterwards he was a bit more pro-active and became less the warm and cuddly cabbage patch doll. This time the difference is that the spirit of Alec Holland might be a bit peeved at being murdered and is lashing out (even though Alec eventually found peace over the course of several stories). The result may be a nut-job spirit that needs to be exorcised from the Swamp Thing.

Gene Colan

Heard today of the passing of who is without a doubt my favorite comic book artist ever, Gene Colan at the age of 84.

At the right is a page from Tomb of Dracula #50 featuring the unlikely battle between the Lord of Vampires and the Silver Surfer. This page from ToD was the first original art I ever owned. When I saw it on a table at the San Diego Comic Con years ago I knew I had to have it. Gene Colan in that one page combined what I enjoyed most about horror and science fiction with effortless wild talent.

Thanks, Gene.

I, The Quitter

The roar of the custom tour bus shook the parking lot. Conservatives staggered to the left. Sarah's eyes were a symphony of incredulity, an unbelieving witness to truth and reality. Quickly, she checked the beautiful swelling of her personal portfolio account where the money went in.

"How could you?" The Tea Party gasped.

Sarah had only a moment before talking to a corpse of a Presidential campaign, but she got it in.

"It was easy," Sarah said.

Dance Craze

It was on this day minus a few days give or take one or two years ago that Will Ferrell did his best to ensure there ever being a hard-SF version of The Land of the Lost. It would be easier and more profitable to rip off the concept of LotL and package it as something new and original than use the Krofft characters ever again. Die in a gutter, Will!

Do the Sleestak!

The Mills Family

Hayley Mills, sister Juliet and parents John and Mary at poolside.

From Cosmopolitan (December 1962).

Trending topics

For the first time since I posted about the subject several years ago the search term "Supergirl Tentacle Porn" has dropped way down on the list of what brings people to the site. The new number one phrase that directs visitors to Lady, That's My Skull is "Hayley Mills"*!

Specifically, they are landing on the Introducing: Hayley Mills entry featuring young Hayley as an infant in an uncredited screen debut!

Goodbye pervos, hello legitimacy!

Oh, and Snerls are cool.

* And thankfully not "Hayley Mills N**de", either.

A Case of Animal Cruelty

If your pet snake gets too big for the terrarium why don't you just set it free, jerk? Dropping it off in a sealed cheese ball jar behind a strip mall on a hot pavement in the sun to bake to death is not right.

Were you thinking someone would find it and adopt it? It's a snake, jerk, and had to be over four feet long. Maybe you thought setting it free would hard on the mouses and birds in the area. If that is how your brain works there is something wrong with your wiring. Take responsibility for what you do.

After calling Animal Control and describing the snake they advised me it wasn't harmful to people or pets and to set it free. I let it go in a hilly area full of trees near the mall. Couldn't tell you if the shock of being set free from a steaming death trap into a cooler environment will kill it or not but at least it has a chance now. I released the snake in stages, though. Moved the jar to the shade so it would cool down a bit closer to the outside temperature before getting set free. Did I mention you are a jerk?

I wish RFID chips were common enough to be implanted in that cheese ball container so the proper authorities could track you down by your purchases and you could get the sound thrashing you deserve.

Found in San Diego off Governor Drive, 6-5-11.

Be patient, it isn't nine o'clock yet

Shortly after the opening credits to the 1965 Disney Films incredi-opus That Darn Cat starring Hayley Mills a bank of newspaper vending machines are shown curbside to a street. The troublesome feline, DC, on a nightly prowl of the town is schmoozing one of the antagonists of the film for food. DC follows the villain which eventually leads the cat into a kidnapper's den and kick-starts the adventure of a meddlesome kid and her pet.

While the vending stands vary slightly in design the common elements of the machines is that the newspapers are not secured and simply rest in an open rack. A slot cut into a box or tube is provided so a customer can insert a coin and then take a paper. My memories of 1965 are a bit hazy from the distance of years but one thing I do recall is that the hippies were everywhere stealing anything not nailed down or bartering for food by spewing plagiarized poetry as they cleaned out a fruit-stand.

Like today, I can't imagine that the honor system of paying for your goods resulted in anything but serious financial losses on the part of the vendor. In my world within a half an hour those racks would be empty and a gum wrapper would be shoved into the money slot. But on Main Street, USA the narcissistic villain being stalked by DC in the movie actually pays for each paper headlining the crime he perpetrated. I guess bank robbery and kidnapping can be a plot point in a Disney film but the studio was reluctant to show an actual crime in progress, no matter how petty. Either that or the villain was playing it cool and behaving so as not to draw attention to himself.

In the film the full vending stand attests that for the most part the unattended machines appear to be successful in practice. But would that honor system work anywhere but in the idealized Disneyverse? For the answer, let's ask Hayley Mills. She knows everything!

That's right, Hayley! In the real world machines and semi-unattended stands, even those inside stores within full view of cashiers and staff are routinely raided and emptied to be hawked by unofficial newsies at intersections and street corners all over the nation. So while art may have imitated life at one point it didn't take long for vendors to wise up and call for securely locking vending machines.

For those into head-knodding, finger-snappin' smooth tunes while waiting your turn to play the bongos at open stage night at the Coffee Bean here are the opening credits to 1965's That Darn Cat as sung by Bobby Darin. It's cool, Jones, cool. At the end of the clip you can see the newspaper stands being used in practice by bad guy Iggy, played by the scene-chewing Frank Gorshin.

By the way...The remake should be burned, the ashes salted and the ashes burned again.

The only thing that would have made the remake watchable is if the bank-robbing kidnappers were the Gecko Brothers.

Pink Rocket

Retro future purple monkey Korean pop from Dal*Shabet (2011).

A lazy, Sunday sexy taxi driver post.

Satan's Concubines