Monday, August 08, 2005

Grocery Store Artifact: Night of the Living Hungry-Man

I am stunned by what an appallingly crappy and repulsive idea this promotion was. This goes right for the room-temperature IQ demographic harder than a psychic on a bereaved widow. The idea was, after entering a contest you could wear a mask to complete your 'poker face' while watching some ESPN poker match. I guess the Ad firm that pushed this promo figured the entertainment-starved welfare-receiving trailer-trash hicks would stop in-breeding and worshipping Nascar long enough to watch some cable and vicariously play cards while using the mask. Very weird and creepy. Apparently playing the state Lotto scratcher doesnt give them enough practice to maintain their cool, professional gambler casino look. More than likely the mask could come in useful in other areas...undoubtedly the traditional hick-incest would be less creepy if you can pretend you are not related by wearing it.

Taking a look at the back of the box I am left less with the impression of 'poker face' than that of 'resurrected insurance salesman'. He doesn't crave chili fries, he wants living brains! Also, I don't see how anyone other than children (or people from Kentucky) could have heads small enough to fit the mask. The eyes just don't line up (re: Kentucky). I guess this goes right with the homily 'simple toys for simple people'. Distract the kiddies long enough so you can watch the tube and take their dim minds off the fact that they are the results of what happens when cousins marry.

I chalk this promo up to another one of those frustrating injustices in life. I mean, I could think up at least 20 really stupid things everyday and I don't get paid $60k a year for it.

Note: I bought these using a 2-for-1 coupon. In conjunction with my store discount card the kid ate lunch for 2 days on less than $4. Amazingly enough, there was also a rebate coupon included. The grocery store ended up paying me a dollar for buying these.


1 comment:

  1. Oooooooooor perhaps it's a parody of the masks you used to get on the back of cereal boxes. The kind of cereal boxes formerly bought by the parents in the right demographic to watch televised poker. And thus just a gimmick to prompt a chuckle and never intended to be actually cut out and worn.

    Or maybe you're right and everyone's just a bunch of tards.


Moderation enabled only because of trolling, racist, homophobic hate-mongers.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.