And the winner for Creepiest or Most Disturbing Art on a Comic Book Cover Ever goes to...

"YOUNG LOVE #74 from way back in June 1969!"

(clap clap clap clap clap)

"With us today is artist Nick Cardy, who drew what is overwhelmingly the most awkward cover scene ever to grace a comic book! It's a real work of art, folks! The nubile, emotionally distraught daughter with her breasts in her Father's lap, the pensive, thousand-yard stare of the father into the distance, legs crossed, arms frozen as if he was too embarrassed to move for fear of the discovery of a terrible, embarrassing secret. A true classic and I'm squirming just looking at it. How ever did you do it, Nick?"

"It wasn't easy. Presenting raw sexual imagery as something innocent and pure is a heck of a balancing act. Like most of my fellow artists in the biz we had a lot of experience sneaking questionable content past the CCA censors but the editor kept rejecting the preliminary sketches I sent him. He'd say: 'Too innocent! Not sexy enough! Too sexy, want to get me fired? Not enough innuendo! Too MUCH innuendo!' The cost of mailing all the artwork was nearly my ruin. We didn't have the internet back then. Human messengers actually risked life and limb running through busy New York streets to deliver the artwork on time! Some died, even, I'm told."

"But it was totally worth it! You had some stiff competition considering you were up against every comic published in the 1990s. All that hard work really paid off!"

"Yeah, I finally nailed the cover but I had to think about baseball a lot."

"Nick Cardy, folks!"

(clap clap clap clap clap)

It's a case of too much pin-up girl

Not much plot, yet nonetheless a riveting read. From Picture News #3 (March 1946).

What a girl wants

Okay, so you got that job and have made sure you can keep it. So what is the next step? Why, ditching the rat race and catching a man as soon as possible, of course! Why work like a dog when you can take the easy route and stay home, take care of a husband, keep house and cook?

In the 1950s women secured employment for one of two reasons: They were unattractive or were pretty and on the prowl for husbands. In this tale torn from real life, secretarial pool-member Kathy shows the office skanks that predatory slutting around is not the only way to trap a man into giving up his freedom. This story is unusual because it was not the norm for a woman in 1952 not to use her body to get a ring on her finger (or at least a paid apartment in town and a generous monthly stipend). By relying on her wits and intelligence to find a good husband Kathy defeated her office rivals and secured a productive mate. True, you have to grant the story-teller a huge amount of willing suspension of disbelief at that unrealistic plot but it is still a good story.

Enjoy!

While Kathy's story had a happy ending she took a huge risk by relying on her competence and personality to get the attention of her intended target. Most women are not so fortunate, but Kathy rolled the dice and won. If Howard somehow stopped being distracted by her physical charms he would have been repulsed by Kathy's brain power. Kathy would then have died alone and childless and been ostracized forever by all the other office hens until she lost her job for not "playing ball".

From Love Romances #82 (July 1952).

Don't worry your rugged little head about it

Now that's sexual harassment! But as everyone knows, it's okay if a hot, successful or wealthy woman does it because that's what guys really, secretly want at the workplace; a chance to get married and stop working.

You're doing "it" wrong

True Secrets #3 (March 1953).

Come on, Eileen

It isn't harassment if the chick digs it!Oh yeah, it's from the 50s.

From Lovelorn #9 (Jan 1950).

The Movement...Or My Heart!

Whoa! The way Brandy acts you'd think that insignia on her hat stood for a completely different word! Perhaps she is required to wear a "scarlet letter" as punishment for being a feminist.

"The Movement...Or My Heart!" was originally published in Our Love Story #18 (August 1972) and reprinted two years later in My Love #31 (November 1974). This is another romance comic book issue where the original cover had superior production value to the reprint, where the staff seems to have saved a few dollars on the coloring job.


Brandy is a hostile, progressive feminist who wears pant-suits and disdains mini-skirts and other sexy clothing. Her work for the cause of equality for women consumes her to the detriment of all else in her life. That is, until she meets a sexy Congressman and falls in love! In no time at all Brandy begins to doubt her devotion to the cause of Women's Rights and her commitment to anything but keeping a house clean for her man.

Must Brandy choose between living as a domesticated hearth-slave or liberated woman? Can she have the best of both worlds? Read and find out!

Whew! Good thing for all men everywhere that Brandy was co-opted by sexual politics and sold out for a 3-bedroom townhouse! Just goes to show that all them uppity chicks need is a bit o' lovin' to calm them down and get them back to cookin' sammiches!

Boom-chicka-wow-wow!

The Tramp!

I'd be remiss if I didn't touch on the ancestor of the romance comic book, the pulp magazine. Pulps are a different animal and not like a comic book like the others recently featured. Yet many of the tales like the one featured in the pulp magazine Snappy #11 (November 1937) shared quite a few elements in common with the fare later offered in the comics. Many of the pulp stories were lurid, full of subtext and serviced the misogynistic fantasies of the targeted market. All this carried over to the comic books with little change to most plots.

Like the comics, many stories featured the lonely woman over-compensating by acting out or self-sabotaging a relationship and the strong, over-bearing male who pursues and wins the affection of a female only to throw her over or demand she quit her career or lifestyle to stand in a subservient role to him. There were of course differences, as the story and illustrations could be of more mature content depending on the magazine itself, yet many of the stories would not be out of place in the romance comic books. Not surprising since many of the creators working in the pulp magazine industry worked in comic books when that format became the market leader.

In 1937 Snappy was borderline pornographic material, though far more adult material is seen in the comics and magazines marketed to children and young adults of today. In the heyday of the news stands Snappy was one of the magazines not on public display and was kept out of view behind the counter. A customer had to ask for it. The decline of the pulps, the battles with censorship and the rise of comic books is a fascinating story of the publishing industry and is one I urge anyone to learn more about.

Hold the link close and gasp with the ecstasy of downloading a pdf file of The Tramp!

My Fair Secretary

No romance comic book story is complete without at least one panel that consists of naughty subtext.

The story "You're My Everything!" from My Love Story #2 (June 1951) is free of most of the underlying sexual tension that most stories of this era include. This tale is unusual in that there are no scheming bitter rivals out to destroy the innocent and love lorn ingénue.

It is not sacrifice and nobility but pity that defines the main character in this story. Terry Tyler is the smartest professional girl in the office, yet she lacks ambition and aggressiveness. No one dislikes her specifically as she is competent at her job, but her bosses and co-workers do not respect her or trust that Terry will always do her best. Terry is ignored or passed over for opportunities while choice assignments and promotions go to others who have more spunk. Terry is afraid to do more than show up and work quietly and then go home. It is only when Rod, the hot new executive at the office recognizes her potential and takes Terry under his wing does she begin to realize and believe in her own abilities.

Rod needs a smart motivated assistant to handle the heavy work. He choses Terry against the advice of his peers. Rod is a good boss and knows he could provide the proper motivation to urge urge Terry to excel in her work. Some would say that this was sexist but actually that is what a good boss is supposed to do. Today such motivation would be accomplished without a condescending hand on the shoulder but in 1951 chain-smoking, boozing and groping the honeys in the secretarial pool was an accepted part of the modern office environment. The real sexist behavior comes at the end of the story.

Soon the challenges given Terry by Rod transform her into a confident career woman. In fact, Terry quickly outgrows her role and is in line to be promoted. Now that Terry has confidence, new job prospects and her life is in order she realizes something else in her life is missing. A man! Terry is falling for Rod and worried that she will be separated from him due to her promotion. To her credit Terry does not do anything to sabotage her career so she can remain in his office. She dutifully arranges for her replacement, oblivious to Rod's amorous intentions.

Now that Terry is a success in her job and the future is wide open to her, Rod pressures her to resign and be a stay at home wife! Again, this was more or less the accepted image in the 1950s, that young women would receive enough education to run a household and work outside the home until they found a husband. Interestingly, all the young girls reading these comics in the early 1950s and dreaming of an idealized romantic future would grow up to find themselves in a very different social, political and economic realities.

The Pledge of Pamela Dixon

To continue Comic Book Romances of Liberated Women Week comes this entry from True Secrets #10 (October 1951).

This story has it all! A clueless writer, an artist that doesn't bother to change the clothing of any of the characters even though weeks pass in the story, a sleazy Lothario, a frustrated protagonist and a spinsterish not-gay-at-all BFF!

Pamela Dixon is a career-minded woman making her way in man's world buying underwear for a retail store. Her 'pledge' is to focus on her career and let nothing distract her from success and happiness, which she believes is found in the workplace and not the hearth. The story is full of formulaic cliches that includes swooning females and feigned hate masking love and is a subtext-o-rama of seething sexual frustration and repressed lesbian jealousy.

Enjoy!

Ever notice how those wedding scenes in silver age comic books always manage to fit in the "supportive friend" somewhere and they are always smiling? It's nearly mandatory for scenes like this and it always seems their joy is forced. I can't count how many images of Jimmy Olsen there are in similar panels whenever Superman gets (choke) married in some imaginary story or elaborate set up to teach Lois a humiliating lesson. Jimmy is always in the background, grimacing stiffly and pretending to be happy for his friend when actually his heart is being crushed like a lump of coal in Superman's fist. I can just imagine Pamela's boss leaving the wedding to go cut the brake lines on Dick's car and muttering "If I can't have her, no one will!"

Another dumb blond

Beautiful, matriculating Jean has a brilliant mind but refuses to use it to her full potential, worried that if she displays above-average intelligence then she will be attractive only to nerdy guys from Nowheresville, USA!

Jean ensures she is as non-threatening as possible to males by engaging in the time-honored practice of self-sabotaging every one of her personal relationships, distancing herself from the articulate crowd and playing the part of a dumb blond (She has a silly disguise, though. It's obvious to anyone she is a genius because she wears big glasses and is rendered all the hotter when she takes them off). Soon enough, Jean soon hooks up with hunky Rick and falls in love.

But Jean's relationship is doomed. Rick is interested only in scratching an itch before settling down with his brainy, book-selling girlfriend and pursuing a college education. Rick is really interested only in hot, sexy women who can challenge him intellectually.

In due course Rick dumps Jean in public and thoroughly crushes and humiliates her by abruptly introducing her to his fiancee, because why not? Jean is stupid and will likely forget all about her broken heart once she gets distracted by something a shiny gum wrapper or seagull. Check out how logical and cool Rick is when he explains his relationship to jean. Of course, he takes the opportunity to rub it in a bit too. Smart people do that because they are superior to the little brains.
The lesson to be learned here by Jean and all women is that it is better to just be yourself and not be a phony if you want a good man. And hot. Don't forget you need to be hot.

From "When Love Is Lost!", published in Our Love Story #17 (June 1972). Written by Stan Lee in defiance of all that is good.

My Love #10 - No Man Is My Master!

Originally brought to my attention by flickr user just.because, My Love #10 (March 1971) is another unintentionally hilarious attempt by old, out-of-touch men to script a comic book romance featuring liberated women of the 1970s. This is a story that should be infuriating to anyone with a shred of dignity or self-respect but probably made perfect sense to the confused, elderly gents that diligently applied 1940s sensibilities and mores to the wacky and tumultuous 1970s.

I have have to give the creators credit for trying to please their customers even though Stan and the gang obviously had no damn clue what was going on down in the streets and probably gleaned all of their contemporary cultural knowledge from browsing Time Magazine at the news stand and watching Walter Cronkite for 10 minutes each evening. The entire story is full of brain-hurting gold like the "Duckling" panel shown above.

The story was also reprinted a few years later in issue #25 of the same title, albeit with a vastly inferior coloring job on the cover. FYI Marvel: Gwen is hotter than MJ. Also, way to totally ruin the awesome Kirbyesque look of her dress with the recolor.

So here for your enjoyment is the reprint of "Mo Man Is My Master!" in it's entirety from My Love #25 (September 1973), no messy downloads required.

I thought only Ultimate Jarvis was a leering perv?

It's been said before and I'll say it again now: Stan Lee had no business writing a romance story. Oh, man. i just had a thought. If he got his story ideas from real life, what were his personal relationships like?

Dedicated to the fearless, fabulous females of women's lib!

I want this.

I guess this means it's Comic Book Romances of Liberated Women Week!

Jim Shooter in Love

From Girls' Love Stories #168 (April 1972).

That guy must be 8 feet tall! Cripes! I can't find one element in this panel where human anatomy or perspective resembles proper proportion in art. From banister to doorknob to the guy's tiny, tiny hands everything is wrong.

Bonus! Cover art features a rare cameo by the hip early 70s band Jesus and the Nazarenes totally rocking out!

Coming soon: Torn from the pages of romance comic books, inappropriate advice to the love-lorn!

Tags: Comic Book Romance Bad Art

MORE Comic Book Romances of Liberated Women

From Young Love #80 (May-June 1970) is another example of a love story featuring a liberated comic book woman. Liz is sexy, confident and capable until she meets her dream man. Then when he dismisses her in favor of his work she falls apart and goes totally psycho nutty insane as the fear she will live the remainder of her life without a father-figure as a husband consumes her.

Good thing for us guys that women don't behave like this in real life!

The story has the usual happy ending as Liz gets her man after Richard confesses his love instead of running screaming in the opposite direction. So long as Richard can keep slipping anti-psychotics into her food without Liz noticing then they will surely live happily ever after.

Of course, the above panel cries out like a Bronze Age comic book debutante stood up by the richest guy in town for the Sleestak comedy treatment!

Aww, who's got the cutest little daddy issues? You do! Yes, you!

Carole Danvers didn't handle very well losing her super powers that one time.

I'm so glad to be male. I will gladly put up with the occasional bout of impotence when I'm older than to have to go through the ordeal that gals have to deal with every month.

Suddenly, Zatanna pointed her hand at Liz and shouted, "ZIL POTS!"

As the world turns, these are the days of our sands through the hourglass...
The Love Doctor makes a house call.

Tags: Comic Book Romance