One for the Wish List

With my birthday coming up in the next couple of weeks the wife asked me what I wanted as a gift. Without hesitation I told her I want bed covers embroidered on the side with the phrase CONTINUED AFTER NEXT PAGE.

When the wife asked for what purpose I could possibly want anything like that I informed her that it was so I could throw myself sobbing on the bed in order to perfectly emulate this comic book panel from Personal Love #2 (Nov-Dec 1958).

I don't think a day would pass where I wouldn't act out the scene at least twice.

I'll probably just get a new Leatherman or Gerber multi-tool, though. My wife doesn't get my humor.

Essential Futura

For those who don't have the patience to search backwards, forwards and all over the site for the Futura tales here is a collection of handy links to the complete essential and awesomely butt-kicking Futura Saga.

Futura vs. Futura (Some Words on the Futura Saga)

Futura - Chapter 1

Futura - Chapter 2

Futura - Chapter 3

Futura - Chapter 4

Futura - Chapter 5

Futura - Chapter 6

Futura - Chapter 7

Futura - Chapter 8

Futura - Chapter 9

Futura - Chapter 10

Futura - Chapter 11

Futura - Chapter 12

Futura - Chapter 13

Futura - Chapter 14

Futura - Chapter 15

Futura - Chapter 16

Futura - Chapter 17

Futura - Chapter 18

Futura - Chapter 19

Futura - Chapter 20

Futura - Chapter 21

Futura - Chapter 22

The Vizigraph: Planet Comics letters pages featuring Futura

1980s Planet Comics characters revival featuring Futura, Gale Allen and Mysta (Adult Themes).

Mister, I love the way you wear that hat

Been looking for this cover for a while, finally found it via.

Red Seal Comics #16 (April 1946).

It's canon, fanboy

From now on, I'm doing EVERYTHING with the NAKED FURY OF FACT!

"How was lunch?"
"Good, good. Had a salad."
"You always have salad."
"Yeah, but today I ate it with the NAKED FURY OF FACT!"

Canon City (1948).

The Sensualists

From the collection. The Sensualists (Dell #D294, 1959).

Torments of the Damned

Burning skies, toxic, sulfurous clouds, the tortured souls of innocent forest creatures forced to consume the scalding contents of hellbound pic-a-nik baskets as Satan gleefully enjoys the spectacle...Yes, they are dead and in hell, amirite?

Devil Kids #105 (June 1981).

NOOOOOOOOO! I'M SAW-REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

Obvious troll is obvious

So bored...

Wine Pong

Here are some ping pong balls hanging up in the liquor section spotted at a local grocery store in San Diego, August 2010. The most common usage for ping pong balls other than for a table game back in 1957 is for playing Beer Pong, a fun, stupid and sometimes ill-advised game that promotes over-imbibing of beer. Now, the store itself isn't directly promoting drinking games as it is an outside vendor who hangs up the racks of various impulse buy items. It is more than likely that the store is unaware the balls are in the liquor department.

These packs are not hanging up over the beer (yet) but they are in the general alcohol section. I have no doubt the store would not hesitate to move the balls to the toy section if brought to their attention.

Play Mysta For Me

A few people have stated they would like to see the Mysta of the Moon series run here like I did for Futura.

As much as I would like to also display that serial the recent giant seven-league step-backwards in photo hosting site Flickr has made that prospect one huge pain in the ass. I'll give it a try for publishing the first story Monday, but I'm pretty frustrated over all with the stupid, stupid changes to the Flickr service. Some of the WYSIWYG functionality has been removed. Flickr no longer offers uploading via the URL of the photo so formatting and placement of pictures has become a serious aesthetic issue for me. There are other issues but having to cut and past html and hope everything looks okay when posted and then go back and make tweaks and changes and write formatting is ridiculous.

I prefer the posts to have a layout similar to a newspaper or magazine (the classic look that most websites emulate), not a poor man's version of MySpace. Sadly, the trend for all applications seems to be leaning toward social networking. That's where the money is I guess.

The main problem with ditching Flickr is in finding a host that is not apt to fold and vanish, taking my photos with them.

Blonde Bait

Blonde Bait (1956).

Comfortable phone

Ladies Home Journal (Oct 1957).

Cowboy "Magic"

Optical illusion and a lesson in physics from Western Round-Up #10 (June-July 1955).

I generally like magic but I trend more to the performance art style of magic that Penn & Teller use in their acts, the kind of stunts that mess with people's heads. I really enjoy the slight of hand that Teller performs in the old acts.

Want to do some performance-magic, Sleestak-style? Okay, for the first time anywhere let me reveal the secret of the famous He's About To Go Postal Trick:

1. Get an old doll with hair that closely resembles yours.
2. Clip off a few locks of the doll hair.
3. Go to work, concealing some of the hair in one hand before you enter your workplace.
4. Wait for the first co-worker to greet you, preferably one with a small group.
5. When they greet you, tremble, clutch both hands to your head and say, "Dammit! The sound of your voice just makes me want to...AAAAGH!"
6. Pretend to rip some of your hair out and slowly open the hand containing the lock of doll hair, letting it slowly fall to the floor.
   
7. Then reveal to your audience that it was a sleight of hand gag, enjoy the accolades and back-slapping. Some high-fiving may occur. Hot, lonely women may want to party with you.
   

Note: I don't recommend anyone actually do this. I'm merely revealing my secret. Leave performance art magic to the professionals. I am not responsible for firings, punishment, censure, trauma or SWAT teams being deployed if anyone actually performs this trick. IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

Christian Woman Stops Robbery With Guilt

This video of a woman in a store talking a guy out of robbing her is hitting the media outlets faster than a psychic on a rich widow. Nearly every news organization and uncountable blogs are leading with the story of Jesus stepping in to save the woman from harm and/or the money from being stolen. Watch this video and note were the would-be robber actually changes his mind. It has little to do with Jesus.

I doubt that stores make the teller or employee reimburse the company in the event of being robbed. I have worked for many companies retail or otherwise and have never heard personally of any place that did. Repayment may be sought after theft by the employee in some cases, from negligence sometimes, but not when forced to give up items of value. I would really like to know the official policy from the company about compensation from employees in the event of robbery.

i asked, but since it is unlikely I will hear back from that company and news organizations will certainly never question her statement of having to pay back the company it appears that what an article in the Miami-Herald calls a "fib" (others call it a lie) and guilt is what stopped the robber and not the invisible hand of the Lord. It appears more the worry that someone reluctant (or unstable and easily coerced) to commit a crime in the first place would cause the victim inconvenience than divine intervention. It is clear that the woman showed no fear, and if her belief enabled to her to calmly dialog and confront a man with a gun, then great. Often not acting like prey is almost all that is needed to avoid being a victim. But that can backfire and is a personal choice, not one that an employee should make for the company and any other persons in the store or the vicinity.

It is quite possible the company will terminate her employment for not cooperating with a robber. Interfering with criminal activity can have serious consequences as some Sprint employees, among others recently discovered. Most companies have strict rules about how to deal with criminal activity and not cooperating can create extreme risk for others. Her unwillingness to follow the orders of the armed man actually extended the length of the robbery and the time he was in the store. Every moment he remained in the store increased the risk for everyone involved. That is why it is better, if not policy, to comply, give the person the goods or funds and let them depart as fast as possible. Fortunately she was not harmed. What is unfortunate is how the news is playing up this event.

Try critical thinking, please, before attributing things to magic.

Unholy Wife

The Unholy Wife (1957).

Marcos Mist

Everyone familiar with comic books knows of the "Kirby Krackle", that pulsating, burning aura popularized by artist Jack Kirby that epitomizes the idea of unleashed and unlimited power. But who is familiar with the equally ubiquitous and unsung "Marcos Mist"?

Where the Kirby Krackle displays energetic violence there is another artistic device that conveys a more earthbound element and that is the Marcos Mist.

Celebrated comic book veteran artist Pablo Marcos renders fog and mists as more than mere moody scenery. In his horror and fantasy work mists are something animate, baleful and more often than not depicted as an extension of a character. Marcos Mist exists on a personal and cruel level. Where the Kirby Krackle lays waste to planets the Marcos Mist is a cold, thick and miasmic swirl of fog and shadow that envelopes and snares a victim.

Marcos Mists are organic and have more in common visually with blood-spatters than airborne droplets of water. That the Marcos Mist resembles crime scene evidence more than an atmospheric condition is a sign of careful wit and talent by Pablo Marcos and is more than a stylistic artifact of a particular artist.

So when reading your old Marvel horror books keep an eye out for the Marcos Mist. It just may have crept in and surrounded you without you even noticing.

Sign of the Beetle

First up in this entry of the Cool Golden Age Page of the Day is this great full-page fight scene featuring the Blue Beetle from Mystery Men Comics #12 (July 1940).

I'd be hard-pressed to find a scene as cool as this one in another comic book. Not bad for what was considered disposable entertainment. A nice testament to the talent and professionalism of the artist, who is credited as Charles Nicholas.

The second cool page is from the same story. After beating down the crime gang the Blue Beetle painstakingly arranges the bodies in the shape of his totem as his signature. Not really necessary since back in the Golden Age before cross-overs each hero existed alone in their universe. Villains there were plenty of but heroes were often alone except for the occasional un-powered kid sidekick. There was probably only one person on earth who could possibly have beaten senseless 50 armed hoodlums but Dan Garret signed his work of art anyways.

Do right

Sung by Peggy Lee, mid to late 1940s. While this song made her famous she looks a little too pleased and happy with herself though I am positive that is the fault of the director of this sequence. This song absolutely needs a little less pep and a lot more cruelty to go over just right. The uncredited Amy Irving and the Who Framed Roger Rabbit crew nailed it with their cover sung by animated bad girl Jessica Rabbit.

And the room exploded with applause

"...And herewith introduce to this body for consideration to render into law Bill H5150, in which any person found to be using homeopathic remedies will be considered a danger to themselves and others and be remanded for psychiatric counseling and physical health maintenance by an accredited medical practitioner until such time as they are no longer deemed a threat to their own person, or in the case of communicable illness or mental impairment of judgment or behavior, to the public."

Not real but I can dream. Of course, if anything as awesome as dropping the hammer on the billions of dollars a year fake medicine industry ever really occurred Faux News would start shrieking that the Obama administration was trying to outlaw the drinking of water.

New Universities Dictionary Illustrated (1922)

Pages from New Universities Dictionary Illustrated (1922). The book is all but disintegrated from age and weathering but I managed to save the artwork. No artist information can be found in the book though there seems to be a signature on the Plumage page. I can't determine if that is the artist name or the previous owner of the book.

A woody wagon is a surfin' goodie

Like most kids of the early 1960s I was an avid watcher of Bozo's Circus hosted by Bozo the Clown. Similarly like most kids I really, really wanted to win Bozo's Treasure Box of toys, not knowing I had to be present on the set to have any sort of success in doing so. Millions of kids wanted to be on the show but the bleachers only held about thirty seats so odds were that would never happen for most.

Yet, Bozo wasn't a mean clown so the show also held contests that the local stations over America that carried the show could attach to the program so the kids at home wouldn't be left out. Most of the millions of viewing children didn't have the resources to travel to Chicago to sit on the bleachers under the big tent. Eventually the majority of the children watching would have realized they had no chance of winning anything and would quit mailing in those cards and letters so involving the syndicated stations with contests was a really good idea.

Being typical, I entered one of those mail-in contests, had the post card sent off and promptly forgot about it. Sure, I watched the show but I was a kid. There were plenty of things to do in Saginaw in my youth. Play in the orchard, swim in the creek, explore the cattail swamp forest, climb around the giant cubes of crushed scrap metal stacked in the back of the Eaton plant and try to cajole the semi-wild horses in the neighbor's field to come up to the fence. We didn't have hundreds of television channels and computers and video games to play with. Mostly we had nature for that.

Then one day a month or after I had mailed off the entry to the television station I entered my Kindergarten class. Everybody started yelling when they saw me. After Mrs. Hill, the teacher, quieted everyone down she told my classmates and I that I had won one of the local Bozo the Clown contests. I was surprised since I don't recall seeing the show the previous day but all the kids knew. Even my teacher claimed to have watched the show entirely by accident. She had turned the television on but wasn't wearing her glasses so she couldn't see what station she was tuned into. Mrs. Hill told us she was turning channels and heard heard my name and hers being announced, saying we had won a drawing from the Bozo show.

The prizes were a corsage for my teacher and a 45 record for myself. I was a kindergarten celebrity! While what we won may not seem like much now today's equivalent would be like clicking a spam banner on a website and actually winning an ipod instead of a come on or a computer virus. Everyone in the class was really pleased about us winning except for Vicky. She seemed a little jealous and managed to swipe and break my blue pencil that had the square eraser in the white base on the end. I really liked that pencil. Pretty soon the entire class forgot about the news and moved on to other things.

Eventually my record arrived in the mail and I played the heck out of it. I even took it to school to play in the classroom. The recordings on the 45 consisted of surf music, something that was all over the radio in the 1960s. There was a peppy vocal tune on the A side and an instrumental on the flip side of the record. The record was published by the Legend label (LEG-124) in 1963. The A side tune is What Is Surfin' All About by Jerry Norell and the The Beach Girls. The B side is the instrumental Salt Water Taffy by Morty Jay and The Surfin' Cats.

Being in Saginaw, Michigan I only had the vaguest notion of what the ocean was really like and exactly what surfing was as an activity. Not many people surfed in Lake Erie. The water, when not whipped up into foaming death swells by apocalyptic storms, had a tendency to melt fiberglass and plastic. Surf movies didn't play much in that part of the country either and my parents weren't the sort to take us to that kind of flick anyways. I was aware surf music existed from the radio but my household was usually filled with the sounds of instrumentals and Elvis. My only real exposure to music other than full orchestras and The Pelvis was from television or my uncles. They listened to a lot of the new stuff coming from the emerging rock scene and while I liked it they didn't appreciate me hanging around because my incessant questions kind of interfered with their weed smoking and listening pleasure.

I kept the 45 as a treasured memento of youth and it moved along with me to California. It still remains in storage though it is heavily scratched from years of use. Still played great though. A copy of the record is extremely difficult to locate in pristine condition and demands a pretty high price for what it is, probably due more to the rarity of the record than the quality of the artists. Information on the production and artists is nearly non-existent and I have no idea how many of the records were pressed. To make a search all the more frustrating many of the available resources routinely get the names of the songs and artists in error. I'm sure this is from a sort of "Purple Monkey Dishwasher" error through repetition. Since fact-checking is difficult the errors were perpetuated through many sources so it is here I set the record straight.

The story of how a copy of this obscure 45 was made available as a prize from Bozo's Circus out of Chicago is probably forever lost to time, but that's okay. It's all about the music, anyways. Today for your listening enjoyment here is a tune that probably hasn't been heard by anyone, anywhere other than a hard-core 45 collector in more than 40 years.

Cowabunga, Moon-Doggies!

FYI, check the street-view of that map in the Saginaw link. That hedge of bushes? Straight outta Satan's garden. I don't know what that plant is called but it is the best natural deterrent to bad guys and revenuers entering a property next to a flaming moat filled with rabid T-Rexes. When I read Sleeping Beauty I easily imagined the impenetrable hedge that imprisoned her castle was somehow magically duplicated at my house. It is that evil. The hedge is dense, tough and sends out long roots that extend for several yards in all directions just under the surface of the earth, from which project upwards wicked, long and nearly unbreakable thorns that easily penetrate the thickest leather. Many people with both nasty intent and good intentions limped away from the property after failing to circumvent The Hedge. My own mother recalls running afoul of them on several occasions in her youth.

How To Read Tea Leaves

It is refreshing to see an Archie Comics feature even as old as this one actively discouraging superstitious belief and practices even though they go about it by insulting the reader in a self-aware "We're So Stupid We're Cool" sort of way. This short (probably drawn by Ernie Colon) predates the long period when the Archie cast was used as an arm of the similarly faux-magical Cult of Suffering propaganda division.

From Archie's Mad House #10 (February 1961).

Futura - Chapter 22

Planet Comics #64 (Spring 1950) marks the finale to the Futura Saga. It took far longer to get there then I originally planned but the Planet Comics issues I was seeking are pretty rare and hard to get a hold of. Fortunately there are friends and other resources that allowed me to fill in the gaps in her story. This issue is one of those online copies floating around.

For those readers not patient enough to click through her entire tale, here is some back story:

Futura's tale began in Planet Comics issue #43 in July of 1946. Secretary Marcia Reynolds is kidnapped from Earth and enslaved for medical experiments by the Brain-Men of Pan-Cosmos. She escapes, a bit too easily in fact, and steals a ship intending to head back to Earth. Unknown to Marcia Reynolds, now called Futura by her captors, her escape is being carefully monitored to measure her suitability for inclusion into the Pan-Cosmos genome.

Forced into situations that test her mettle, Futura evades her intended fate and gains allies, makes enemies and is a central witness to the fact that messiahs can be dangerous to your health. As her story continues, Futura becomes a wild card and her presence as a destabilizing threat to the status quo could not be tolerated by those in power. Fortunately for Futura the fragmented leaders of occupied space are corrupt, lazy and not used to rebellion from their cowed populace. Futura meets every challenge, fighting back ferociously and without hesitation.

For Futura does not just defeat an opponent, no. She utterly destroys an enemy by erasing their entire culture leaving them without a power base. What remains when she is done renders them in a state where they are no threat for the foreseeable future. While this tactic is not necessarily the action of a hero it certainly is that of a leader of nations. This Geo-political approach on a galactic scale is something that having recently emerged from a devastating World War the readers of the day could easily identify with.

So without further preamble here is the final climactic chapter to the Futura Saga.

Unlike many other of the Planet Comics serials Futura has a definite end to her tale, though some foreshadowing of trouble is evident. Reading the entire story of Futura I was not disappointed. While the series was sometimes the victim of the whims of scheduling, editors and creators and the series had some detours and false starts with the storytelling it was enjoyable and fantastic fun. Most serialized pulp tales, of which Futura is certainly descended from, have some element of empire-building in them and this tale was no exception. The average man, or in this case woman, is plucked from obscurity and thrust into "a world they never made" and by the end of the adventure they are Lords or Kings or Queens. Futura is cast in that mold.

Futura is different, however in that she did not simply storm the castle and sit upon the throne thereby declaring victory and an end to tyrannical rule. She leveled the playing fields of Pan-Cosmos and known space, leaving every culture she came into contact with vulnerable to being rebuilt from scratch by someone else with the strength or character and arm to do so. In this instance, Futura herself. Futura may not have intended to and she often acted for selfish reasons related to her immediate survival but the result was she destroyed a galaxy in order to save it. In her final adventure it is evident she rules Oceania and the stage is set for her to take over known occupied space.

So what does the future hold for Futura?

Fan interest in Golden Age comic books is steady and it is exposure on the internet that is most likely the reason. Forums and blogs are probably directly responsible for some collections of old stories being collected by various publishers, namely the Fletcher Hanks and Boody Rogers strips to name a few examples. These books were collected not only for fans but for those not familiar with graphic art that until recently has been lost and forgotten by even many hard core aficionados. It would be nice to see a hardbound collection of Futura but admittedly the sometimes wandering storyline could be somewhat difficult to present. Taken as a whole the Futura story does not present a particularly cohesive universe and a reader has to suspend their ideas of 'continuity' and mentally edit some entries. It could be understood that many modern fans would not appreciate the abrupt shifts in the cultural backgrounds of the Futura universe.

It is difficult to measure if there is enough of a fan base to support a revival of Futura. Often it is easier and makes better business sense for someone to create an entirely new character inspired by an old character than it is to revamp one, no matter how enthusiastic one may be for the project. Any new entries to the Futura story would have to be a personal endeavor at heart, a labor of love for the character like the one that appeared in the 1980s. One that some may not understand but hopefully can appreciate because that admiration was was shared.

So will we see Futura again? Only time will tell. I, for one, can hardly wait.

Coming Attractions

Monday! Final chapter of The Futura Saga. Get caught up with Everything Futura!

Tuesday! An Archie comic that actually discourages superstition? Tuesday must be backwards-upside down day!

Wednesday! Bozo the Clown, surfing and what it all means!

Thursday! Who knows?

Friday! Sleeping in!

Saturday! Can't plan that far ahead!

Sunday! Probably something lazy from YouTube!

Plus, whatever else I find or get involved in worth scanning or taking a picture of. There's that device in the original unopened packaging I found in the garage, or that satanic toy from the 60s. Who knows?

In anticipation of posting the final chapter of The Futura Saga, here in order are all the previous entries of the Planet Comics serial up to the penultimate chapter.

Futura - Chapter 1

Futura - Chapter 2

Futura - Chapter 3

Futura - Chapter 4

Futura - Chapter 5

Futura - Chapter 6

Futura - Chapter 7

Futura - Chapter 8

Futura - Chapter 9

Futura - Chapter 10

Futura - Chapter 11

Futura - Chapter 12

Futura - Chapter 13

Futura - Chapter 14

Futura - Chapter 15

Futura - Chapter 16

Futura - Chapter 17

Futura - Chapter 18

Futura - Chapter 19

Futura - Chapter 20

Futura - Chapter 21

Futura - Chapter 22

Original battlefield apocalypse image from Mike Grell's The Warlord #3 (Oct-Nov 1976).

Inside

Take a second look. Interesting, that the frenzied 'motion lines' are the track titles.

From Inside Sauter-Finegan. Album art by Jim Flora (1953).

Sleestak on the Edge of Forever

I know I'm the only one, but the thought of Kirk and the Gang traveling through time and risking Universe-altering paradox to stop Enik the Altrusian from winning Final Jeopardy is hilarious*.

Just think, if I was waiting in line at the San Diego Comic-Con this art would not have existed. The road not traveled, indeed!

* The winning answer was "Who is Hayley Mills?"

Archie, That's My Skull

Brace yourself, then click the picture.

From Archie's Mad House #5 (July 1960).

My True Life Intimate Secret Desire Confessions

On the first cover by the time we see our heroine she was already salaciously propositioned and is mulling over her choice. On the second she is wryly, perhaps with amusement, dismissing a wolf. Both covers are iconically lurid but what a difference four years makes in the approach.

From My Desire Intimate Confessions #4 (Fox, April 1950) & True Life Secrets #23 (Nov-Dec 1954).

Futura - Chapter 21

Planet Comics #63 (Winter 1949) gives us the penultimate chapter to the Futura Saga. In this issue one can see where Futura's long, strange journey has been leading. Alliances shift rapidly as Futura once free of the Jar-Heads, turns against the very enslaved mutated people, albeit mind-controlled, she once sympathized with.

There is a lot of good imagery in this chapter that profiles Futura without the cheesecake that could be so common in her story. The last panel of page three is nearly iconic and the battle between the mutants and the Hawkmen is magnificent.

This chapter firmly establishes Futura in a setting more reminiscent of the Alex Raymond-drawn Flash Gordon strip. Yet familiarity with other popular forms of entertainment would not save the character from limbo. With only one more issue in the Planet Comics series to feature her story Futura would soon be consigned to the occasional black and white reprint of Golden Age comic books. An original story featuring a "Futura" character would not be produced until the early 1980s, a gap of thirty years between appearances.

I bet she's learning lots of things from Mr. Johnson

My Own Romance #64 (July 1958).

Account Not Found

I really love flickr but really despise the hoops one has to jump through in using yahoo. I repeatedly have to change my password, hope the account can be found, slog through the problems with them saying the account is already associated with one email (no kidding the same one since I opened the account) and having the account locked because the password they made me change won't work.

I can't access my own photo account until at least tomorrow so instead of the next chapter of Futura, here are some links:

Disney Weirdness. The odd side of the happiest place on Earth, some NSFW images. I can relate as I goofed around with the Disney concept myself.

Support this guy. He's trying to reign in the insanity. Yes, whenever I interact with authorities I always have my cellphone camera recording and I trust them a lot more than most.

His feet must be Thor from all that walking.

I really enjoy Mike Resnick. I thought Santiago (with that cover featuring Longshot) was brilliant, even though it broke my rule about Cowboys in Space.

I might play with this a bit. Maybe transcribe some of the insane customers I deal with.

I forgot to remember.

The De-Evolution of Nellie the Nurse.

I've been getting crazy traffic in from a new link from an old 2006 post. Anyone else get stuff like that?

How stupid was it to title this entry Account Not Found? How many clicks did I lose doing that?

I've got an idea

You know how to fix the problem with those two Utah State employees who released 1,300 names of suspected illegal immigrants to the police and media?

Retroactively to when the data was accessed immediately make every single person who is named on that list who is in the United States illegally a Naturalized Citizen. No questions asked, no waiting period.

That would be an epic backfire.

Then something went wrong

From Thrilling Wonder Stories #1 (January 1931). Art by Frank R. Paul.