Sunday, February 18, 2007

Makin' It: Emergency Bachelor Living

I finally got my plane ticket back to California. It will be good to get to a region where the IQ is greater than the average local shoe size.

So until my lease runs out I'm staying at the apartment, which will be a few more days. The spouse, in her usual Hurry/Panic mode started packing things up and giving away our stuff weeks before I would actually be vacating and leaving. So while she and child hang out at her sister's house for a few weeks I am taking the opportunity to revisit 1983 and live like a bachelor again. It can be a lot of fun, except that in Las Vegas I played craps and drank a lot. Since I don't own any guns (as far as you know, so don't try anything funny) here in Stupidlandia I am unable to pass the time shooting squirrels, deer, ceilings or stop signs like everyone else. I also don't drink booze any longer so I have to find other ways to stay occupied. Getting drunk and fighting with the spouse is something of a popular hobby around here but that, like being a swinging single guy supporting himself on games of chance in old school Vegas, is more of a young man's game.

As a temporary bachelor my needs are simple, as I reveal here.

The Bedroom
The dining room is now my bedroom and here is where I sleep or at least, toss fitfully for several hours prior to blacking out. The nightstand is fashioned from a spare box but like most guys I am not using my furniture properly. I should have my wallet and keys on it but I just throw them anywhere and then I spend precious minutes searching for them. The Krazy Kat books I reviewed in an earlier post are at the head of the bed, neatly stacked for easy sleepy time reading. The books are keeping the dark, crushing loneliness at bay with steady doses of Herriman humor (Thanks, Bully!).

My Office

Formerly the living room, now the office, is where I perform all my adult chores and waste hours cruising the internet while waiting for the day I leave Stupidlandia. When my former employer bothered to pay me for the work I did, I used the net to pay my bills. The wife presently takes care of all that using treeware. Now, I just prepare future blog entries, write stuff, peruse news from my feeds and read e-books from Project Gutenberg. The bed is pulled out into the room in this picture so I can lay down and watch DVD's borrowed from the library in comfort and is easily pushed back when I am ready for a nap. Which, oddly, is more often than usual lately.

The KitchenI'm living alone for the time being, but I'm not a slob! On the counter you can see all the fine quality cleaning supplies I use to keep disease and health inspectors away. It doesn't keep the bugs away but I can thank the 13 former residents in a two room apartment upstairs for that problem. When I leave the apartment for the final time this week I'll put all the cleaning supplies in the laundry room. Maybe the neighbors will take the hint and use them in their own residences. I doubt it.

I find that I need little more than two pans and a coffee cup to drink from to maintain a pleasing and varied diet of hot food. I heat water for my cocoa or coffee in the large pan and pour into a cup. Heated water is also left in the fridge to cool off and be more tasty and hopefully less bacteria-laden than straight tap water. I use the larger pan of the two for cooking hot dogs (Chicken dogs 98 cents a pack), ramen noodles (79 cents for six packages! Sweet!) and is faster for re-heating sliced pizza than lighting up the oven (5 bucks for a medium single-topping, will last over two meals!). Hot foods are then transferred to the small pan for use as a bowl or plate because it is cool to the touch and will not harm boxer-sheathed laps or burn pillows and is easier to hold while eating.

Money saving tip: When food shopping stop by the deli or salad bar and pick up a complimentary plastic fork & spoon sets. Deli clerks will give you the evil eye for not actually getting something from their expensive department so don't be greedy and take more than two packages. I found a set that also included the knife this week. Score! Think green and don't just use them and throw them away. Re-washing the utensils allows you to save money and trips to the store. But be careful when cooking as plastic forks melt when subjected to relatively low temperatures. When the fork tines get droopy and twisted from heat they can seriously lower the enjoyment levels of a meal .

Food presentation for the bachelor is important. Little mealtime rituals, as long as they remain little, can keep the crazy away. A semi-clean paper bag or unfolded granola bar box can serve as a dandy serving platter for your hot dogs or pizza.

Also, a single guy can avoid the need for a separate spoon for your instant beverage mixes by saving the freshness-seal that protects the contents of your purchase from tampering by psychos. Folded into a V-shape, they can be used as scoops.

More to come!



  1. Hardcore. I had forgotten that I ever lived like this.

  2. Before I got married I was living in a house with two other guys. One night I was cooking a hot dog for dinner while my shirtless roommate sat on a milk crate and ate his supper right out of the saucepan. Ahh, batchelor living!!!!

  3. Wow, bachelor pad = homeless + walls.


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