Saturday, July 21, 2007

Girl there's a better life for me and you

As mentioned previously, ensuring the right candidate to run as the Vice President is a task of utmost importance. Certain exacting standards and qualifications must be met in order to weed out the foolish, corrupt and incompetent. So of course my first tool in my search was through using the greatest repository of knowledge available to Americans, the internet!

My first whistle-stop along the information super highway was a popular forum that has had great success in matching geographically disparate people with one another. This site uses 29 separate dimensions of unique reference points of compatibility to ensure that they are put together with a person in a way that guarantees the greatest success in their partnership. Since I myself have actually visited over 29 dimensions during my travels I was very enthusiastic about this website. I was assured that no company pre-screens their candidates more rigorously, using their scientifically proven matching system.

Now that is a great idea! Successful, smart people with common goals using SCIENCE to make sure they work hand in hand towards a better future! I couldn't think of a better way to find an ideal running partner to serve the great patriotic, honest American people of America.

I was pleasantly surprised that even prior to registering a suitable candidate by the name of Becky was immediately presented for my consideration. Now that is some good science!

I was intrigued by the perky "Becky", who it was assured to me was a "real person" who is a "registered user" of the site and not a "spokesmodel" acting as client-bait for the gullible. My search was off to a promising start. A Real Person is exactly what is needed in a Vice President. I can't imagine anyone more patriotic, loyal, American and duty-bound than a real American!

Once I was registered and my credit card was charged I searched for Becky in order to contact her. It was important that we set up a meeting as soon as possible in order to feel her out. I was disappointed to discover that Becky's profile was set to "private" and was declining all contact from other users. I guess that there was a computer error somewhere. That was unfortunate, but science isn't perfect. I'll continue to email Becky, though, until I hear back from her.

Undaunted, I expanded my search criteria to include males as my running partner. However this particular site seems to have a slight programming bug as it doesn't seem to allow males to search for other males. I found this a serious drawback in my quest for the ideal partner and shortly thereafter my account with the site was mysteriously canceled and deleted. Another glitch, I imagine.

Not a good way to run a company that purportedly has hundreds of thousands of happy, successful clients. Their IT department needs an overhaul, I think. This was a valuable lesson though. I further pledge when President that I will not guide America like it is a business, the practice of Corporate maneuvers, shenanigans and the manner in which they do business has no place in politics!

Next: The Search Continues



  1. Ah, the allure of science in the political process. I think you may be on to something thereI I now know where to go to find someone to model my spokes.

  2. And if the whole presidential thing doesn't work out, then maybe you could get a date.


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