Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The search for a VP continues

Sleestak for President Campaign Diary
Entry for July 25th, 2007.

Today I met at the exclusive HAYLEYDOME with a candidate who I felt showed some promise as a potential Vice President. This candidate in question met several of the criteria required for a VP. To wit, the candidate was nearly perfect. Intelligent, a brilliant chemist, heterosexual, family-oriented, CEO of a successful construction company, experienced in defending borders against enemy attacks and was even once appointed as an Ambassador to another country! Best of all, the candidate was female! Being female is certainly plus for ensuring many votes in this day and age.

No, the candidate was not anyone recognizable from the Reagan or Clinton eras of politics. I am seeking someone who is not a beltway insider who will work for America as an American for America. I am referring instead of the silicon-based life form known as the Horta.
While I was initially very impressed with the Horta's qualifications and experience a quick background check revealed some troubling brushes with the law in her past. In the late 1960s, the Horta was involved in several underground environmental groups and was under investigation for several instances of manslaughter. Whether those charges were eventually dropped for lack of evidence or political expediency is unclear. But with some positive spin that incident could be as forgotten and considered as irrelevant to a candidate as Chappaquiddick was for Ted Kennedy.

But one incident in 2003 could not be overlooked and in a political campaign is the type of scandal that no amount of public relations could overcome, that of the Sex Scandal.

File copy, Santa Barbara County Sheriff booking card

The loyal, wholesome, patriotic Americans of America do not tolerate any shenanigans by their civic servants. The average honest, loyal American not understanding the complex issues of the military-industrial complex as it relates to private business and geo-politics is one thing, but a Vice Presidential candidate being arrested for soliciting prostitution is not the kind of scandal that Americans will overlook or dismiss in today's political climate. Particularly when a search at the local library revealed this shocking newspaper headline from the excellent, taxpayer-supported periodical archives.
While the Horta explained that she was a victim of circumstance and that the charge was completely innocent and taken out of context, I was skeptical. This was America! Opportunity is everywhere, from the street to the back alley, from the bus station restroom to the corporate boardroom! No circumstance or misfortune could ever possibly cause someone to be so desperate as to resort to selling their body and more importantly, their very soul to strangers! Furthermore, I was shocked that anyone involved in such sordid activities could possibly ignore the patriotic, American voice of honesty in themselves that would tell them to excuse themselves from politics and public service.

It was almost as if some manipulative person in a seedy motel somewhere was trying to set my campaign up for failure via scandal. If so then they were sadly mistaken. As if I wouldn't attempt to vet any candidates that came my way! No one in the history of political campaigns anywhere as ever been so foolhardy with the trust of the American people.

The search continues.



  1. I said it before: "Grace Jones!"

    You better snap her up before someone else does.

  2. Too bad, I think the Horta would make a grat running mate.

  3. You make me laugh. And with my sense of humor, that means an Angel has lost his wings.

    Which makes me laugh again. It's a vicious cycle.

    (And you best give at least a consideration interview to Chaka for VP. Jus' Saying. Politically, it makes sense. You don't want Ta and Sa as enemies.)

  4. Why don't you admit the truth? You are too busy hatching evil plans to take out your opponents, with your co-conspirators Monkerstein and Zaius, to find a pawn willing to be your running mate!

  5. May I suggest a meatball sub for your Veep? It would have a much better campaign style than you and it would taste better.

  6. I think that you should have backed off on the idea of a Horta for a running mate the second the creature burned "NO VOTE I" into that rock.


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