Saturday, September 02, 2006

New Animated Fantastic Four liveblogging

8:00 pm: I was expecting crappy 70's style anime a la that awful Teen Titans Go! cartoon. Pleasantly surprised it isn't. Instead, it's in crappy 80's style anime. Thankfully, team isn't noob teens who do ULTIMATE EXTREEEEEEEEEME RADICAL STUFF. No origin or back story. The team is already established and of appropriate age. Since no one watched the FF movie viewers may be confused as to who the Fantastic Four are. Cool spinning holographic FF logo on top of the Baxter building. Like a big old bullseye.

8:04 pm: Show jumps right into it. Johnny Storm (Human Torch) blows up robot probes.

8:05 pm: "Hello, Johnny? Yeah, it's Macross. We'd like our haircut and jacket back."

8:05 1/2 pm: Johnny gets teleported away and Sue faints. SUE FAINTS! (paging Ragnell)

8:07 pm: Ad for new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys. The toys automatically grasp and throw pointy daggers at things, probably little sister's eyes. I want one. Possibly two.

8:10 pm: Ronan the Accuser transports all the FF into a huge arena for a trial. I learn that my inner voice has been mis-pronouncing the Kree homeworld all these years. It's "Hey-Lah" not "Hah-Lah". Sadly, Michael Dorn did not voice Ronan. Wow, Johnny is a jerk. He's on trial for destroying Kree probes sent to look at the FF. They consider it a terrorist act.

8:15 pm: Ben Grimm is from the street. He has a body like a brick wall. Therefore, some design genius decided that tagging him with graffitti by spray-painting the FF logo on his chest was clever. It is actually stupid. Also, symbol look suspiciously like the G4 gaming channel logo. Stealth brand placement?

8:21 pm: Johnny is sentenced to death and spiny robot tigers attack! Man, what is up with the Storm sibling's chins? They don't need flame or force field powers, they could just cut you with their dangerous pointy chins.

8:22 pm pm: FF smash the spiny robot tigers. The Supreme Intelligence shows up and is correctly depicted once again as the Kirbyesque computer program energy blob like I always knew he was and not that goopy biological entity he has been recently shown to be because artists hired after 1989 don't get it and respect the source material. Supreme gives Johnny amnesty. Ronan acts like a petulant child. The arena teleports away.

8:26: Johnny apologizes to everybody for being a "hot-head" Get it? *Yawn*. Show is over. I Think there was about 16 minutes of commercials, 14 minutes of show.

Whew! Glad that's over.

While invisi-surfing, Susan becomes overjoyed to discover she has a vagina.
Her teammates share her enthusiasm.

Link to The Fainting

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  1. Sounds dreadful.

    And Sue fainting? TELL me this was a 60s cartoon..

  2. Yeah, the Sue fainting bit was ludicrous. And she follows it up by bitching at Reed to hurry up and build some gizmo to locate Johnny to the point where you wish Reed would tell her to shut the fuck up and let him get on with it.

    The whole moral about Johnny acting rashly is undermined by Sue acting just as rashly, and the whole plot doesn't make a lot of sense anyway.

    Don't be fooled by the '80s anime style, the script is as bad as any Marvel cartoon from teh '70s.

  3. Yeah, I'm officially done with the show. I had no idea it was going to be another Anime bastardization, so that was an automatic turn-off right there. Add to that the dull, meandering script and the dimwitted characterization, and you've got yourself a "canceled in six episodes special".

  4. I thought Teen Titans Go! was much better. I liked the drawing style, the music, and at least some of the writing. I was really unimpressed with Fantastic Four.

  5. Man, has Marvel ever had a good, stylish, intelligent cartoon?

  6. This show was actually pretty good; shame it was cancelled :(


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