Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Why I Hate Roomates

While going through some treeware files I found this old photo of me in the barracks dorm room circa 1984 from when I was serving in the armed forces. That damn Prince poster on the wall is one of the primary reasons I hate having roommates and always will. You have no say in how they decorate, when and how often they shower and what they watch on TV. Plus, they steal your food and touch your stuff.

What's the point of roommates anyway? Sharing the expenses? Friendship? The dramatic belief that you may find True Love * via/through/because of/with your roommate like the characters in the plot of some zany film starring Rock Hudson and Doris Day? Pfft. Quit dropping cash on $500 sport shoes and pay the rent first and you can afford to live without sharing your space with a freakish retard. As for friendship, that's what dogs and the Internet is for. And if you are looking to scratch an itch or a find a soul mate quit fantasizing you live in a dramedy script and tear yourself away from the Idiot's Lantern and the computer long enough to feel sunshine on your face and get out there looking for some.

That poster is also why this photo was never put in the family photo albums and was instead thrown into a box of assorted junk papers for me to discover years later.

Man, I forgot I used to be hot!

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"Mawige. Mawige is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawige, that bwessed awangement, that dweam wifin a dweam. And wuv, twu wuv, will fowow you foweva, So tweasure your wuv" - The Impressive Clergyman (Peter Cook in The Princess Bride)


  1. Your cutting wit is spot on, as usual. Roommates are useless creeps. And rooming with people that you're friends with previously is a bad idea, because it shows you that your friend is a useless creep.

    ookkgcwu - the verification word. also, what i would say in the mroning when i saw the state of the sink my 2 roommates shared.

  2. Hey I was the perfect roommate. I never swiped the other guy's food or bothered him with loud music. I just sat quietly in my room uttering my dark incantations.


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