A close call

From the Official Campaign Diary of Sleestak:

Today while on a short campaign stop to Tranquility Forest I was ambushed by an insane little person in a cheap foam rubber costume who had kidnapped and brainwashed Joy the Butterfly Ballerina. Too cowardly to face an opponent himself, Dr. Monkerstein uses disposable minions to do his dirty work. In this case it was an attempt on the life of yours truly.

Being powered by patriotism, I was not worried about harm to myself. My sole concern was for Joy, who was an obvious victim of the insidious mind control of the reprehensible Dr. Monkerstein. If the foam rubber Firefly succeeded in his evil plan I could only imagine the agony Joy would endure when she realized that she had against her patriotic will assassinated America's last, best hope for peace and prosperity. It would be a hellish existence full of regret, certainly, and one I would not wish on anyone.

Fortunately for America and all the patriotic Americans who know what it is to be truly American, the Monkerstein brainwashing techniques are as clumsy and ineffectual as his Presidential campaign strategies. Joy easily broke free of the sinister Monkerstein influence by applying some good old American will power, patriotism and know-how to the problem of being under the sway of another. Once Joy remembered she was an American (not that anyone could ever truly forget) she broke the chains of bondage. An ounce of America is worth a pound of cure, I always say.

Like any good, honest, hard-working patriotic American, Joy immediately made a citizen's arrest of the evil minion Firefly-costumed dwarf of Monkerstein. But like a Communist caught in the sunshiny spotlight of Democracy he fled like a dirty coward. He was last seen hurling himself into a vat of boiling acid in his desperate flight to escape justice. I could do nothing to stop his death even though I warned him to watch where he was going and begged him to take my hand because if I let him fall then I would be just as bad as he was. In this instance Fate itself ensured that justice was served and who am I to interfere with the wishes of the Universe?

Tags: Sleestak for President Bugaloos