Saturday, August 27, 2005


World War II was full of patriotic propaganda films for American (and presumably foreign) consumption. Korea and Vietnam era...not so much. Not surprising since people forgot all about Korea even while it was happening and the bad-side of Vietnam was all over the place thanks to those damn dirty hippies.

What the Iraq war is missing is a real joyous film full of song and dance numbers. I've had enough of those flicks espousing 'honor and duty'. I want to see a movie with dancing WACS in tight uniforms promising that all of God's children will have shoes.

Too many oogy images from the front? Have Hillary Duff and Joan Rivers do a zany duet. Hmmm...better make sure they do it with a country accent or it'll be considered a cynical ploy that panders to the feeble-minded.

I bet everyone could get behind the middle east conflict if we just set it to a snappy tune!

Like this one!

George C Scott's speech from 'Patton'
Sung to the tune of 'Pimpin' All Over The World', Ludacris Featuring Bobby Valentino

Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.

Men, all this stuff you've heard about America not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. Americans, traditionally, love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle.

When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, the big league ball players, the toughest boxers. Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Americans play to win all the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost and will never lose a war. Because the very thought of losing is hateful to Americans.

Now, an army is a team. It lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality for the Saturday Evening Post don't know anything more about real battle than they do about fornicating.

Now, we have the finest food and equipment, the best spirit, and the best men in the world. You know, by God, I actually pity those poor bastards we're going up against. By God, I do. We're not just going to shoot the bastards. We're going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We're going to murder those lousy Hun bastards by the bushel.

-Repeat Chorus-
If you say to yourself "Those words don't fit that song" then you are not trying hard enough and are probably not a very good American and must hate freedom.

It's box office gold I tells ya!

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