Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Jimmy Olsen: Overdue for a retcon

I've just read all the Jimmy Olsen books and all I can say about him is it is too bad that the Crisis on Infinite Earths didn't erase this ass-clown from comic history. A little Jimmy goes a long way, I can attest to that. If Jimmy Olsen was real, he'd be as hated as Rob Liefeld and for the same reasons: he is famous for standing on the shoulders of giants and never having an original creative thought. All his success comes from leeching off of others.

The only good thing about him is that his book gives lazy people like me lots of opportunities for juvenile humor.

As examples:

First: Hold camera away from body, especially head & groin.

Brilliant scientists working on the Mystic Isle of Dinosurs get lonely, too

I'm too annoyed with Jimmy to go into all the whys of my dislike for him, but it is sufficient to note that the character of Jimmy Olsen is the result of some suit forcing him into the comics. That's right, Jim is a result of demographics! The character of Jimmy Olsen first debuted on the old Superman radio show, and was considered essential enough to the mythos to put in the comics. As readers of the Clone Saga, House of M and almost any comic published in the 90's will know...comics written by commitee under direction from the marketing department are a bad idea, and never work.

No one knew what to do with Jimmy the parasite, so until recently he was a super-hero/celebrity by assosciation. You think Wolverine is busy? Read the silver age Olsen books. Superman literally spent hours of each day helping, tricking or getting Jimmy into and out of all sorts of nonsense. With all the time spent in Olsen's messes you'd think Superman would miss a few earth-threatening meteors here and there. But comics just had to have kid side-kicks then even if they are annoying fan-boys. If I was Superman, I'd have long ago taken Jimmy into my mighty super-hands and crushed him into a diamond and given it to Lana as an engagement present. That's right...Lana.

The Neal Adams covers were pretty nice though.

I don't want to even think about the 4th World story-lines...

Then there is this. Somebody had the right idea, but it was too good to last...


And now in an attempt to erase all those issues of Jimmy Olsen from my brain...

Yep, that worked just fine.

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