Friday, September 09, 2005

Christine vs Killdozer


There have been a lot of ultimate battle match-ups but none have ever answered the burning question of who would win in a fight between Killdozer and Christine?

Lets do a comparison of their virtues...

Christine: Evil, possessed machine
Killdozer: Evil, possessed machine

Christine: Possessed by demon
Killdozer: Possessed by alien
Alien trumps demon. Killdozer could be an alien demon. That takes it up a notch.

Christine: Movie sucked, had bad acting
Killdozer: Movie sucked, had bad acting

Christine: Movie had a hot chick
Killdozer: No hot chick
Car, duh.

Christine: Really cool car, good for picking up babes
Killdozer: Construction equipment, not much of a chick magnet
Car scores again.

Christine: Owes existence to Stephen King
Killdozer: Owes existence to Ted Sturgeon
Killdozer gets it because it was original. Stephen King ripped it for Christine and Trucks.

Christine: 2 tons
Killdozer: 6 tons
Big guy wins that one.

Christine: Never-ending rage
Killdozer: Don't have no use for humans
Ok, car gets it.

Christine: Plays cool Motown when it kills
Killdozer: Engine clicks when hot
Christine was a rolling stone, baby.

Christine: Repairs self when broken
Killdozer: SOL when broken
The crimson terror takes the trophy.

Christine: Car manages to sneak up on people
Killdozer: Huge roaring machine somehow manages to sneak up on people
I don't know if I should give this to Killdozer because its smart enough to be stealthy on treads or give it to Christine because its victims are not so stupid. Meh, stealth wins.

Christine: High body count but only kills losers and punks
Killdozer: Smaller body count, but had to kill war-hardened he-men
The 'dozer takes that one because it fought experienced soldiers.

Christine: Dies when smashed by regular bulldozer
Killdozer: Dies when fundamental forces of universe zap it
Pfffft. Killdozer of course gets the point. Any machine can get crushed and it stop working. Killdozer is so bad-ass the entire Universe has to take it out.

Total Baddassitunity Points
Killdozer: 6 Christine: 5

Okay, so the jury is in and Killdozer can totally annihilate Christine beyond all doubt. Face it, Christine is just a mid-size motor vehicle. Killdozer is a freaking armor-plated D7 bulldozer and it built airstrips and leveled thick jungle all over the Pacific theatre in WW2!

Christine would wet itself and then die if it really had to go up against the big Killdozer.



  1. Well, of course. Look at the last match up. If a regular bulldozer can take out Christine, Killdozer would have no problem.

  2. Old news, but I note this Killdozer vs. Christine cameo in my 2008 Flash game KILLDOZER.

    The game:


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