Saturday, September 03, 2005

Groin Injury Saturday: Dracula

Marvel had a great magazine with the Tomb of Dracula. Written for the most part by Marv Wolfman and drawn in it's entirety by the master Gene Colan. It had a 70 issue run long after horror titles had faded and spawned several spin-offs.

For my money, Colan is also one of the few artists who, like Kirby, can make a rendering of a punch look like it actually has some force behind it.

You never see Sue Storm's breasts fly in opposite directions when she gets hit by Dr. Doom, do you?

One of Dracula's most tenacious foes was Blade. This revenge-minded fellow had some cast-iron 'nads of his own, that's for sure. In his early appearances Blade was mostly mortal, no special vampire-given abilities other than light-sensitivity and was probably immune to bites. So when he goes at it against a creature that can fold a tank into a ball he's either retarded or very brave. In most of their altercations Blade and the other Marvel vampire hunters got their hindquarters handed to them by Drac. Blade never gave up though and often managed to stick Drac real good a few times, even killing him once.

In this scene Blade is easily manhandled by Dracula. Blade fights dirty so of course he puts a boot to the vampire's crotch. Admirable try, but it didn't work very well.

Colan is the only guy who should ever draw the Lord of the Vampires. Just look at Drac's face and the panic in Blade's features.

Dracula, being strong and dead below the waist, shrugs off the hit. The plucky team of vampire hunters only escape by circumstance.

It was shown early in the Marvel Dracula books that the Lord of the Vampires is a force of nature and evil personified, but he's also impotent. Once turned into a creature of the night, Dracula lost his soul. The souless undead, as it has been shown in various Marvel horror titles, can't appreciate things like music and sex.

In fact, it took a cult of devil-worshippers to cast a spell that let Vlad get a different kind of wood so he could impregnate a human female.

So for this weeks entry I have to say it wasn't Blade, as good as he is, that caused the groin injury. Rather, it was the emasculating evil of the Curse of the Vampire! I could take being a monster, just make sure that some parts are less undead than others.

Damn that gypsy.


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