Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Sleestak's Movie Review: Pirates of the Caribbean 3

I went and saw Pirates of the Caribbean - At World's End yesterday. Really, that film stank and it wasn't from the Squid-Guy. Sitting in the theater I lost track of exactly what movie I was watching. At different times I kept thinking I was watching either Time Bandits or Erik the Viking.

Everyone, with the exception of Geoffrey Rush, kind of phoned the acting chores in, as if they wanted to get done in a hurry so they could go sip drinks on the beach. Even then there were a few scenes where you could tell that Rush had a long day in costume standing in front of a Green Screen with the director instructing him to "Yell a bunch of random piratey stuff and we'll leave the cameras rolling." that they would cut and fit into scenes later during editing. I also kept wishing for subtitles so I could understand what the heck the Swamp-Witch was saying.

The only reason I could imagine that anyone would be enthusiastic about the movie was if they were irrationally hot for Depp, Bloom or the Broomstick With Hair. Then the film would be good enough, I suppose. Over all the film was boring, boring, boring.

One positive note: Keith Richards.

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4 comments:

  1. I thought the Keith Richards bit was a little too over-the-top for my tastes.

    I think I would've been fine with it if it had ended when he plopped down on the chair, but the moment where they "reveal" that he's Jack's father seemed forced and really didn't add anything at all to the film.

    -M

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  2. I haven't seen it yet, but they've been talking about Keith Richards being the father since the first one so it's not a huge suprise.

    My family and I saw Shrek the Third this weekend and I actually thought it was better than what the reviews were saying.

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  3. My wife and I RARELY agree on what movies we mutually enjoy.

    (I like a good, well-written story, she likes lotsa special effects)

    When we saw the 1st Pirates of the Caribbean, we both looked at each other and agreed:

    HORRIBLE FREAKING MOVIE.

    There was no real story to speak of and they had ONE special effect (shadow /light dead/alive) that they used over and over.

    HOW on Earth it won an Academy Award is beyond me.

    I had no interest in seeing the sequels (thank goodness).

    -----

    We just agreed on another train-wreck:

    NIGHT IN THE MUSEUM.

    Rented the DVD and both of us were aghast at how bad it was.

    So many holes in the story that it made my brain bleed from my eyes.

    Acting so bad that I'd rather have watched Johnny Depp pretend to be wasted for 2 hours.

    GAH!

    ~P~
    P-TOR

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  4. Just thought I'd update:

    My wife borrowed PIRATES of the CARIBBEAN 2 from the library the other day and we figured... "what the heck?" and gave it a spin.

    While it was more enjoyable than the 1st one, that enjoyment faded as the length of the movie continued and I came to the realization that, barring some REALLY bad deus ex machina, there was NO friggin' way that they would be able to resolve all the plot points that were up in the air before it ended...
    and I then realized that we were watching nothing, but a long trailer to get us hooked on the 3rd installment to the franchise.

    I called out "shenanigans" and realized that, had I actually PAID anything to see this, I'd be livid.

    Not since the old days of movie serials in the 1940's has it been such a blatant mis-use of the "cliffhanger" ending.

    Heck, even EMPIRE STRIKES BACK managed to tie up some plot points from the first movie before letting the credits roll up - leaving you with a feeling of "wait! What???"

    But THIS thing... just treaded water (with lots of nice chase scenes and innovative fight choreography and a cool visual in Davy Jones) with NO real substance.

    Another point of contention was the ease that everyone manages to hook up at far-distant locales, despite being miles (or leagues) away (or at different ports all-together) is something that would prove difficult even in THESE days of modern travel.
    Yet, on ancient sailing ships, they had no problem meeting at various points when the ham-fisted plot required it.

    BAH!

    I MAY sit thru the 3rd just for the closure...
    but I'll have to be full of ale and it has to be free.
    (Being bedridden with an ailment might help as well.)

    ~P~
    P-TOR

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