Tuesday, May 22, 2007

THIS is why I get so angry! Plus some other stuff

Boy Who Fought Cancer Treatment Dies
CANTON, Ohio (AP) - An 11-year-old boy whose parents won court approval to treat their son's leukemia with an unconventional method has died after five years of fighting the cancer.
Bad, bad parents. Bad jury. You know what? Just hand out the Bad Awards Ribbons all around. No worries, though. I'm sure that somewhere a psychic is ready to charge $700 to offer assurances that their son did not die of a disease but was instead shot by an intruder.



"Pardon me, I speak Gullible"

Introduction to Chakras - What a waste of time. "Introduction to made up crap from a culture that claims to know the secrets of health and longevity but whose practitioners have an average life expectancy of 47 years" you mean.

Basic Feng-Shui - Get any 10 Feng-Shui experts in a double-blind experiment to Feng a room and you'll get 10 different solutions.

Yoga Monday - Calisthenics is good. Stretching is good and you don't have to restrict it to just Mondays. It doesn't "align your energies", though. Hope they have malpractice insurance and a licensed physical therapist doing that class.

Drumming Circle - For guys with low self esteem who can't put down the hemp and hope that by attending they might get into the natural all-cotton exploited immigrant worker-free panties of the hippie cashier.

Massage Therapy - Wonder of the police know about this "therapy" that is going on?

Ear Coning - Does nothing. Putting a paper cone in your ear and lighting a candle at the end does not draw out wax and dirt from the ear canal. There just isn't enough suction. If you believe it does, let me know the last time you saw a burning log in the fireplace cause all the furniture in the room to be the sucked into the chimney. Sure, the cone tickles and you might get lucky enough that the hippie cashier accidentally presses her breast into the side of your arm while lighting the candle but that isn't worth 20 bucks.

Cranial Sacral Therapy - Reading the bumps on your head went out of fashion years ago. Once wealthy people with lumpy heads started being branded evil criminals of low caste, science won out. I kid. Head massages DO NOT bring your health energies into focus. Look! Same scientific protocols!

Reiki - I don't even know where to start. I'll sum it up. You are an idiot.

Animal Communication - Most animals are pretty clear in what they want. Food, sex and the occasional romp through a field chasing bunnies. They are JUST LIKE YOU AND ME.

Harp Healing Therapy - Plunk plunk plunk plunk thrummmmmmmm..! Your psoriasis is gone! That'll be fifty bucks, please.

Foot Reflexology - Wow. That's one totally made up Ology. Seems like kinky foot play going under the police radar like those other "massages".


Ouch. I think Sandu tore something. Possibly several somethings.
From Journey Into Mystery #91 (April 1963).


"Facts can be used to prove anything!"

The Mutant of Zardoz knows: Sorry. As much as you want there to be magic pooled up in the nook and crannies of the universe that you can dip your frightened caveman fingers into...there isn't.

Scary? No, not really. Quit acting like jerks all the darn time and you don't have to worry about an afterlife.

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9 comments:

  1. Jesus, man...

    People are fucked up, but "a culture that claims to know the secrets..." really sounds, well, just read your own phrase yourself why don't you...

    Yeah, we get it. You're not gullible and you face harsh reality.

    Skepticism is not stagnated cynicism shot towards everything. It's an empirical method through systematic doubt and uncertain for further deepening investigation, not prejudicious rethoric.

    There are intelligent people who found good uses for the material you shit on, that you so obviously know just the most superficial tip based on witnessing insecure consumers of the most shallow miraculous new age readings of such content (people aren't into Alan Moore and Grant Morrison just because they offer us zing-bang-pow-whaaam).

    And most of these you list are what pretty much new age gullible soccer moms buys into. It's like your entire town dressing up in kimonos and going through a japanese fad because they have this one shittiest japanese restaurant in Alligator, Mississipi. And you're the guy feeling like you're on a high-horse by criticizing them because they eat sushi, "the most rubbish and stupid-ass food on earth of all those stupid foods they have outside this town".

    Seriously, those parents are already living in the hell they believe they're avoiding in the afterlife just for being who they are (without even mentioning the loss of a son), and they probably deserve even more hell.

    But, really, shut up. You're coming off as ignorant as them and others like them who're into "alternative" fast-food self-help bullshit.

    But, yeah, I have to agree on the Heiki though. It's really that simple.

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  2. So, what...you MAD because you hawk this stuff? IT ISN'T REAL!

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  3. You forgot to mention that the ear-candling thing is actually dangerous. Many hot-wax-related ear problems result from it. And if I can just theorize: I think there are probably a fair amount of people who are a little nervous about the ear-candling for just this reason, who probably ask the ear-candler "is this dangerous, I mean can the hot wax, like, fall into my ear or something?" And then the ear-candler says NO IT CAN'T, which makes the ear-candler a GIANT EVIL SCAM ARTIST.

    Just thinking out loud...no, this never happened to me, but I do wonder about it from time to time...

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  4. Hold on.

    Many hot-wax-related ear problems result from it.

    There are... many... hot-wax-related ear problems?

    I gotta get on that internet.

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  5. "Introduction to Chakras - What a waste of time. "Introduction to made up crap from a culture that claims to know the secrets of health and longevity but who's practitioners have an average life expectancy of 47 years" you mean."

    Fair point about the life expectancy, but this would come off better if you could distinguish properly between 'who's' and 'whose'.

    "Basic Feng-Shui"

    No argument here. Of course, much the same could be said for much of psychology and business management...

    "Yoga Monday - Calisthenics is good. Stretching is good and you don't have to restrict it to just Mondays. It doesn't "align your energies", though. Hope they have malpractice insurance and a licensed physical therapist doing that class."

    Not sure why they would need this more than any other type of exercise that involves stretching...

    "Drumming Circle - For guys with low self esteem who can't put down the hemp and hope that by attending they might get into the natural all-cotton exploited immigrant worker-free panties of the hippie cashier."

    Of course, I find the latter a perfectly reasonable motivation in itself. Bonus if the attendee actually enjoys percussion.

    "Massage Therapy - Wonder of the police know about this "therapy" that is going on?"

    Hmmm... knowing some licensed massage therapists, I'm tempted to be offended on their behalf. Of course, the actual lasting health benefits of therapeutic massage, from Swedish to shiatsu, are uncertain, but that doesn't mean that the vast majority of masseuses are charlatans or sex workers either. Unless maybe it's just *you* that's never had a massage without a 'happy ending'... ;-)

    "Ear Coning
    Cranial Sacral Therapy
    Reiki"

    Got to agree with you on these - although head massage can probably help temporarily with the symptoms of TMJ, just by loosening the muscles.

    "Animal Communication - Most animals are pretty clear in what they want. Food, sex and the occasional romp through a field chasing bunnies. They are JUST LIKE YOU AND ME."

    Not everybody knows how to read what an animal is interested in or feeling like right at that moment, though - which is one reason why there are so many dog attacks in this country, even though you can be sure each and every one of those dogs was sending out clear signals to *back off* right before they snapped and mauled somebody. So, yeah, this is frequently touchy-feely and mystical, but there's still some utility to learning about animal behavior, including body language.

    "Harp Healing Therapy"

    Can't argue with that one.

    "Foot Reflexology - Wow. That's one totally made up Ology. Seems like kinky foot play going under the police radar like those other "massages"."

    Seriously, have you never had yourself, or known anybody who has had an actual, nonsexual therapeutic massage? Really? Or if it's just you, and you're quite sure that all your acquaintances are lying about it, seems like there may be a bit of projection going on here....

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  6. Of course I have. But if it quacks like a con and walks like a con odds are its a con.

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  7. Heh - of course, there are probably those who would see an actual therapeutic massage as the 'con', or at least a ripoff, since they were looking for the other kind and afraid to say so...

    But still, I guess I'm not understanding what you're saying - you think this particular massage therapist is some kind of con artist because of the other classes/activities with which they're associated? I can see that, but in that case they're less likely to be problematic because they offer sexual favors for money than because they don't really even know how to loosen knots in one's muscles and think some New Age music will do half the job for them...

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  8. Foot massages given on the floor of a crystal-therapy shop might be legitimate but hey are part of the over-all scam of the woo-woos and add to non-existent legitimacy.

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  9. You know what I think is a scam? Showing me pictures of Zardoz. Quit it.

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