Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Comic Book Ad: 2-Fer

This advertisement in Young Men #4 (June 1950) not only pushes candy but also the recent release of a William Bendix film, in which a character from a Boy's Town-like youth center visits his sick mother in the hospital and gives her a box of candy he probably nicked from the nearby Woolworth's.

Has anyone seen the 1949 William Bendix film Johnny Holiday? I'd be interested to know if such blatant product placement as the character giving a box of brand candy to his mother and her delighted reaction actually appeared in the movie.

Once upon a time, people in films often drank from fictional label soda bottles and smoked generic cigarettes. While there would be partnerships among the companies to use their product in films they either owned or produced, with the exception of cars and other items that would be too bothersome to duplicate as props it took a while before someone hit upon the idea of accepting payments for prominently featuring consumer goods in a film. Prior to that bad idea brand name appliances and goods were just props. The actors did not extol the virtues of a self-cleaning, the smooth ride of a particular car or awkwardly hold a bottle so the label would not be obscured in every scene. The camera did not linger overlong on the sleek design of the shiny new refrigerator. Consumer goods were props and background, just incidental scenery.

Overt product placement is a relatively new part of the process of movie making. Becoming more obvious in the cinema of the 60s it increased until such fare as the James Bond movies were little more than 2 hour commercials for boy toy gadgets. Let us not forget the less than subtle, fast-food inspired Mac and Me and the uncredited inanimate cast members in the form of the volleyball and international delivery service in the Tom Hanks vehicle Cast Away.

The Bendix film was not the only movie advertised in that issue of Young Men. Beneath the ad for chewing gum is the promo for classic World War 2 film The Sands of Iwo-Jima.

It's John Wayne in comic book form!


Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Just a LOL stuffed bull

Blame Bully


Sleestak's Movie Review: Pirates of the Caribbean 3

I went and saw Pirates of the Caribbean - At World's End yesterday. Really, that film stank and it wasn't from the Squid-Guy. Sitting in the theater I lost track of exactly what movie I was watching. At different times I kept thinking I was watching either Time Bandits or Erik the Viking.

Everyone, with the exception of Geoffrey Rush, kind of phoned the acting chores in, as if they wanted to get done in a hurry so they could go sip drinks on the beach. Even then there were a few scenes where you could tell that Rush had a long day in costume standing in front of a Green Screen with the director instructing him to "Yell a bunch of random piratey stuff and we'll leave the cameras rolling." that they would cut and fit into scenes later during editing. I also kept wishing for subtitles so I could understand what the heck the Swamp-Witch was saying.

The only reason I could imagine that anyone would be enthusiastic about the movie was if they were irrationally hot for Depp, Bloom or the Broomstick With Hair. Then the film would be good enough, I suppose. Over all the film was boring, boring, boring.

One positive note: Keith Richards.


Outside the lines: Tough break, Nick

It's always interesting to find something from a comic book creator that fans usually know only through their comic book work. Something many fans don't realize is that usually their favorite artists and authors don't make comic books 100% of the time.

W. Michael Kaluta is an artist who has pretty much left the comic book industry for other artistic pursuits and is staying busy. He was known and is still remembered for his work on The Shadow comic and Batman at DC and has an impressive body of work. Even while active in comic books, Kaluta had explored other outlets, such as album covers and commercial illustration.

Kaluta is credited as being the artist and animator for the 1981 music video Don't Answer Me for the Alan Parsons Project. This roughly though cleverly animated piece is a forgotten gem and a good example of an artist doing work outside the familiar venue of comic books. Done in the crime noir style of art that Kaluta does so well, it can be found on the net or by the YouTube link below.

Tough break Nick
Be a wise guy and sock the picture to lay your peepers on the video, ya bimbo!


No mention of WM is complete without including a mention of the clever hat-tip to WM by artist Neal Adams in the pages of Green Lantern!


Monday, May 28, 2007

Pets: Don't take your eyes off them for a second

Don't ever forget that the smartest, most loving, most loyal pet on the planet will still feast on your fresh corpse if you happen to die alone at home.

And don't wail "But....But...What about Greyfriars Bobby?"

Look, he's a dog. He wasn't sleeping on his deceased master's grave every night for years because he missed the old man. Bobby was trying to dig the guy up for a snack.

That is why old people should not have pets. If a senior citizen wants companionship take a shower to get rid of that weird smell and go outside and meet people once in a while.


Cool Golden Age Page of the Day: Alex Toth

Really. Who knew that a mountain lion had such a wicked right hook? Not Streak the Wonder Dog, that's for sure! But the great and much-missed Alex Toth pulled it off! Could that guy layout a fight scene or what?

Sadly for comics, Alex Toth put his pen down for the final time one year ago yesterday. You may not be aware of it but you are probably an Alex Toth fan even if you never heard of him before this entry. I was an unknowing fan myself by exposure to the original 1960s Space Ghost cartoon long before I paid any attention to who were the writers, artists, inkers and letterers that created my childhood comic books. You can read more about the modern master over at Comics Should Be Good!

Page from All-American Comics #99 (July 1948).
Art by Alex Toth

Streak was the doggie side-kick of the Golden Age Green Lantern, Alan Scott. Shortly after appearing, Streak quickly became the lead player of the Green Lantern titles and much like in this Cool Golden Age Page often was the star of the strip even when appearing with Alan Scott in an anthology book outside of the regular series. Even when Alan Scott managed to get some face time on a cover it was Streak the Wonder Dog who got the doggie's share of the exposure.

Heh. If that mountain lion wasn't actually cat-based I could really enjoy that panel a lot more. One out of two ain't bad, though.


Sunday, May 27, 2007

Rebuilding the Metal Men

I'm looking forwards to the new Metal Men series, mini or whatever it is that DC will be putting out soon. I'm not going to be upset that the characters are not mired in the Silver Age or have moved past the awesome Walt Simonson versions. For all I know the newer takes on the characters could be better than the originals! Who knows?

That said, I'm a little worried about the 2 new female robots that were introduced recently because they are so tough and no-nonsense. In fanboy-speak, they are feminists and therefore poor objects of desire, which will negatively affect sales in the long run. I always liked the old Platinum because she was a product of the Doc Magnus craziness infecting his work. Platinum was so sad and odd. When she felt all domestic and tried cooking some eggs for the Doc she accidentally released a super-amoeba that nearly destroyed the world. Yes, the Doc created the perfect wife/mom in his lab and screwed it up royally. No wonder he needed therapy.

A side note to DC, though. You really don't have to reboot and start from scratch every single character in your line. Sometimes the old versions work the best, okay? For example, I can think of a recent few attempts where the new versions were vastly inferior to the old series, namely Warlord and Deadman. While you are at it crush the urge to keep making them with that crappy Manga style art. It was unique and fresh in the 70s now not so much.

But a few things have to be clear for me to fully embrace the new iterations of the Metal Men.

One is that Doc Magnus has been long established to be a bit nutty. Having him go off his meds every few issues so he can be the "threat from within" isn't necessary. What is important is that insanity aside, the Doc has always been a Grade-A Jerkoid much of the time. Keep that up and his character will work out just fine. Being a jerk can cause more damage and catastrophic world-threatening events than just being pure evil, I know.

The other is that if even half of the craziness of the Silver Age carries over into the new series I'm sold!

Look at this page from Metal Men #1 (April-May 1963). An alien robot that self-identifies as a male desires a female robot to share its existence with. Unfortunately, it is unable to deviate from its programming and keeps manufacturing male robots. Repeatedly attempting something and receiving the same results when expecting another is the definition of crazy right there. Eventually the frustrated robot soon has an army of like creations and attacks the Earth, looking for a female robot to take home.

That is just insane. Bob Kanigher was a freaking mad genius and it would be a shame to dump wholesale what he did just because someone has a new vision. So I hope the new versions build on the old, but in a good way and not like the new Warlord did.

Hey, anyone else think that Gold would have made a great member (even maybe leader) of the JLA?


Pets vs. Garbage Can

I have some left over sushi from work. It is tasty but I do not want it today and it will be unfit to eat by tomorrow.

Shall I share the tasty sushi with the house pets? Shall the tasty sushi be thrown away?

Let's evaluate the furry vermin infesting the house and then see if we give them tasty sushi based on their behavior, shall we?

Stupid Cat #1:
Poops everywhere. Ignores litter box. Keeps disturbing my sleep by rubbing against face and purring. Attacks other animals. Runs around like it is on crack all night and day. Drags things down off of counters. Gets into things like briefcases and messes them up.


Stupid Cat #2:
Poops on my clothing and bed. Urinates on my clothing and bed. Meows loudly for no reason at about 3 am every morning and doesn't stop until sprayed with water from squirt bottle and yelled at and chased outside. Sheds like some sort of industrial shedding machine. SLEEPS on the TABLE where I EAT.


Stupid Dog #1:
Is stupid and needy. Makes noises while eating. Has a habit of making chewing motions even when not actually eating anything. Also loud. That's weird.


Stupid Dog #2:
Begs for treats. Whines constantly. Catches lizards in backyard and mauls them to bloody shreds. Doesn't eat them, instead drags them into house and smears the mess all over the place. Urinates while running from one side of the house to the other when yelled at about the damn lizard mess. Steals toys from the other animals. Doesn't play with them, just doesn't want them to have them. Steals food. Urinates in hallways during the night and you don't discover it until you walk through it the morning when not yet fully awake. Attacks the other animals when they are sleeping. Nails go click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click on the wooden floors all night long because due to old injuries the nails can't be trimmed short enough to be quieter.


Stupid Dog #3:
Scratches butt on everything in reach. Smells like an old dog. Passes gas every few minutes. You know it is coming because he yelps and trembles but no human can move out of the room fast enough to avoid getting enveloped buy the noxious cloud. Barks insanely for no reason and sets the other dogs off in a cacophony of barking, howling, yipping and fighting that continues for minutes at a time. Falls down a lot. Stands in middle of room and stares at nothing which totally creeps me out and makes me check that the windows and doors are locked.


Stupid Dog #4:
Will FREAKING NOT STOP bringing you the ball to play fetch with. If you put the ball away cries and whines until you give it back. Sleeps on my pillow. Jumps up and grabs food out of your hand if you are not paying attention. Rolls around in poop and then wanders about the house rolling around on the couch, bed, chair and floor.


Well. After carefully tabulating the scores I found the results to be as follows:


I held a winner's ceremony with the pests and the garbage can in attendance to announce the results of the contest. All the pets sat together in the kitchen and they got to watch me throw out the tasty sushi into the trash. I hope they learned their lessons.


I'll see your straight line and raise you a sting

Due to car problems I've been on the bus to and from work the last few days. I had forgotten how awful it is to take the bus in a large city because of all the psychos and homeless that ride public transportation. By the time the ride is over I'm exhausted from all the false alarms being set off in my head from my flight-or-fight responses. I'm not over-reacting. When the two guys in the seat next to you are ranting in a verbal salad and keep twitching and jumping in their seats it keeps you in a kind of an accelerated hyper-aware mode.

Yesterday I had been waiting for the bus to show at the scheduled time and it didn't. It happens, but I was a little concerned about it because of how long it takes to get to work using the bus and being in management, I don't like to be late. It's bad enough I have to leave work early because if I miss the last bus for the evening at the connection it is a 6 mile walk up and down our California hills. FYI: Hills in California are what people in other states call mountains. Normally I can drive to work by car in about 10 minutes via the freeway into La Jolla. By bus it takes just over 2 1/2 hours.

That totally sucks.

One bright spot though in my public transportation adventures over the last few days is a conversation I had with a lady at the stop near my home. She was reading a heavily marked, highlighted and annotated book. I guess I should have looked closer at what she was reading before I spoke to her.

"Hi. Uh...The last bus didn't show up. Do you know when the next one arrives?"
"God bless you."
"Yeah, okay...Uh..."
"You need to be prepared because Jesus is coming."
"Well, I hope it's soon because I need a ride to work."
The Bible-Reading Lady was kind of hostile towards me during the entire wait for the bus and the ensuing trip afterwards. I kept watching her carefully just in case she went all Carrie's Mom on me.


Every day is Hayley Mills Day!

I have to confess that a few weeks ago I failed to share the news of Hayley Mill's birthday with you all, which is actually celebrated on the auspicious date of April 18th.

But for me, since every day is Hayley Mills Day and a chance to celebrate the awesome actress, it is better that I share the news later than not at all.

It wasn't on purpose, I was feeling very sick with the flu and and it lasted nearly 4 weeks. A bad flu turned into a nasty respiratory illness that kept moving between my head and lungs. It took weeks to get rid of it and the ear aches lasted another two weeks after that. Hayleyitis I can live with but this thing I had was wreaking havoc with my health. Be assured though, that while I did not share the big birthday news with you all, I did celebrate privately in one of the many personal Hayley shrines I have in my home.

Me, posing at one of my Hayley Mills shrines. This one is in the living room.
Not counting the night table displays in my bedroom there are ten in all.

While I was recuperating I spent a lot of time relaxing in my award-winning Garden of Hayley Awesomeness! The garden is quiet, peaceful and is perfect for contemplation. I spare no expense and the lovingly tended garden is stocked year round with the most out-of-season flowers that can be found from all over the world. It is a fact that thirty men died in bringing to my garden the rare South American Rojo Gapanthus that can be seen in the picture. It was totally worth it.

Even though the day was overcast the Garden of Hayley Awesomeness is always basked in the bright, warm light emanating from her statue, even at night. In the garden I can get my Vitamin D even on the cloudiest of days. I usually don't linger in the garden because whenever I contemplate Hayley for too long I get a funny feeling in the side of my neck, vomit and burst into tears before eventually passing out. It is something that commonly occurs among Hayley Mills fans but it is generally frowned upon as disrespectful when it happens in public, somewhat like speaking in tongues is when at the church.

After a few days in the garden soaking up the Hayleyness I felt well enough to visit my exterior Hayley Mills shrine. In making it up to you all for my illness-related faux pax in not celebrating Hayley's birthday publicly I am allowing outsiders to see, via the magic of the internet, the Hayley Mills Celebratory Museum! Lovingly built by my own hands over several years in my back yard taking advantage of San Diego's unique geography and world-famous extensive cave system, the HMCM is my respectful tribute to the legend that is Hayley Mills.

For obvious reasons I keep the entrance locked just like you would lock up a tool shed that protects your shovels, lawn mower and pornography. The marble cost me a pretty penny (not as pretty as Hayley, mind you) but again it was totally worth it. Once inside, a winding series of stairs takes you down through Hayley Hall and into the spacious main area of the Hayleydome.
The Hayleydome is my pride and joy and I am constantly updating and improving the many Hayley displays. It is large and has superior acoustics that compliment the nightly viewings of such Hayley Mills film fare as The Flame Trees of Thika and The Chalk Garden. Suitable for proms, wedding receptions and business meetings the Hayleydome is perfect for anyone's Hayley-centric needs. Since it is built deep into the side of a hill it stays cool in summer and cool in winter (it is located in San Diego, after all). I once considered renting the Hayleydome out on the condition that all gatherings be Hayley-themed, but I decided I didn't want my special place touched by strangers.

Note, on the left at the rear of the Hayleydome you can see the entrance to the recently completed Miss Bliss Annex! Now 100% Screech-free!

I could stay down here for hours but eventually I have to earn a living. So after a week I eventually go back to the house and the many smaller (though no less impressive) Hayley displays, secure in the knowledge that while I am leaving my Hayley Mills Museum behind for the time being, she has never really left my heart.

Thanks, Giada! Your Platinum Edition DVD of Summer Magic is on the way!


Friday, May 25, 2007

Peter Puptent - Ugly American!

From Rip Hunter, Time Master #1 (March-April 1961).


Happy Blogging B-Day Bully!

Have a Happy 2nd Bloggingversary!

Here's to many more, Bully!

Yllub Htiw Nioj!


Friday Catblogging

IT is SLEEPING on the TABLE where I EAT.

Stupid cats. I go through about 6 canisters of sanitizing wipes a week.

Now for no reason...A dog scratching his butt.

Looks like he's tap-dancing!

Go, Socks! It's your birthday! Have a milk-bone! It's your birthday!


Thursday, May 24, 2007

When Fanboys Strike Back!

Much is said in comic forums and blog sites about the misogynistic manner in which women are marginalized, brutalized and generally treated like crap in comic books. I can't really argue with that as history shows it to be mostly factual. It occurs more today than in the comics of decades past and is made all the worse by the fact that the creative teams should know better by now.

But does no one think of the men?

For years in between the beating up of Loki and Starro the male characters of comic books have been subjected to countless soap-opera machinations by women. Nearly without exception the women in comics heaped scathing contempt upon the males of the cast.

For example, Pepper Potts was merciless in her dislike for Tony Stark's chauffeur, Harry "Happy" Hogan, a broken down but honest boxer. Pepper publicly humiliated Happy in the Executive Offices of Stark Industrial when they first met. If Pepper acted today as she did then she'd have been on the unemployment line and Hogan would be getting handed a big check for personal damages.

Tales of Suspense #45 (September 1963).
Pepper was infatuated with Tony Stark but he had little interest. While smart, efficient and hard-working Pepper was clearly not his type, being kind of a spinster-scarecrow who favored school-marm fashions. She was, basically, a real woman and not the jet-set starlet eye-candy that Tony Stark preferred.

This horrible, emasculating treatment of Happy went on for several years. Pepper and Happy gradually evolved into being less plain in appearance and got married, then divorced, then got back together again. I suspect Pepper only became involved with Happy as a way of proving to Tony Stark that he missed a good thing because he started chasing her after that. Pepper certainly didn't do anything to discourage him all during the time she and Happy were in their highly dysfunctional marriage.

The women of comics have a long, long history of treating men poorly. Most famously, Lois Lane was vicious in her personal attacks against Clark Kent. Mary Jane Watson constantly belittled Peter Parker and often interfered with his other relationships out of fun, then tossed him aside for a party she wanted to attend that night. The girl in the Charles Atlas ads could barely keep from throwing up on her boyfriend when he got sand kicked in his face by the Nuisance of Muscle Beach.

Lois and Clark from Superman #1 ( Summer 1939).
Pre-manly Mac from undated issue of Modern Mechanix and Invention.

The thing is, all these men knew what these harpies were like and still pursued them. In most cases, unbelievably, getting married to them.
Amazing Spider-Man #123 (August 1975).
This conversation takes place a short time after Gwen Stacy was murdered.

What should be remembered is that the spandex and heroic fights are incidental. As much as fans would like to ignore the fact, all comic books are really just soap-opera romances and they are all about about the boy/girl (or sometimes other combinations) relationships. Lois married Clark, Mary Jane and Peter married and Pepper's rocky relationship with Happy is still on-going. It is almost unimaginable that any of the men in comics would wed the women in their cast after their experiences. I would love to see a story where the male character recalled years of relationship continuity and rebuffed the woman who for their entire relationship tore him down at every opportunity.
"Clark, I have to confess. I love you and want to be with you for the rest of my life."
"What's that, Lois? You want to be The milk-sop, the spineless toad, the wet-blanket, the coward, the foolish, pathetic laughable loser? GO TO HELL. Now excuse me while I crush this mountain of coal into a giant diamond for Chloe."

Grocery Store Artifact: Heroes for Hire #13 & Captain America #29 not for sale?

I just realized that the store I work for probably wouldn't display for sale Heroes for Hire #13 or Captain America #29.

See the covers here (NSFW link)
Captain America #29 and Heroes for Hire #13

While any business would of course be concerned about being the subject of a Georgia v. Gordon Lee-type event, it is more likely that the bondage and sexual assault theme of the cover for Heroes for Hire #13 and the image of a black man being burned alive on the cover of Captain America #29 would not meet the standards of the community or the image of the store, so we would have the stocking vendor remove it from the shelf.

The cover of Captain America #29 would certainly be considered a bad idea by many if not offensive or overtly racist by most customers. While comic book fans understand the context and are familiar with the back story of the characters the public at large does not and will only react to what they see displayed. Technically, the Heroes for Hire #13 cover isn't pornography, but it would certainly be considered mature fare if noticed by a store manager. Those in the know also get that most comic books are not for kids any longer and haven't been for some time, but no one can really defend that they are also not aggressively marketed to a younger demographic.

Since Heroes for Hire #13 and Captain America #29 would not packaged in sealed bags like the other young adult magazines such as Maxim or FHM and is still perceived by the public and marketed as kiddie fare there would be no expectation that it would be placed on a higher shelf or behind the counter. It would be displayed as usual with Mad, assorted gaming magazines and other comics like Archie and the various Marvel and DC titles.

If nothing else the cover to Heroes for Hire #13 or Captain America #29 could be considered inappropriate for public display and I imagine would certainly generate complaints to the corporate offices from our customers. I'm confident that most of the messages would consist of overly-dramatic or hysterical complaints and would miss the actual point of what is wrong about the thematic layouts of the covers, but the reaction from the store would probably be the removal of the comic books. The store could further probably decide that monitoring the content of comic books after would not be worth the effort and would inform the vendor not to stock any at all. I have witnessed similar situations occur for various products.

On nearly every site I have seen addressing Heroes for Hire #13 (and a lesser extent Captain America #29), the images are labeled as NSFW. That is, not safe for viewing while at work. For those not familiar with the term it refers in this instance to the display of inappropriate imagery in a work environment and would cause a hostile work place. You can get fired from your job, even if no one found the image offensive, because the cover of Heroes for Hire #13 and Captain America #29 meets the legal definition of harassment. Keep in mind that the images would not be displayed in the venues of the comic book company that produced it, a comic book store or an art display in a museum. It would be shown in a retail environment open to the public. This isn't a censorship issue either. Censorship would be if someone from city hall drove down to the store with a marking pen and blacked out all the material they officially deemed offensive. So if an adult can't look at the art on those two books on his work computer in a private office full of like-minded people due to it meeting the definition of harassment, why would it be okay for it to be displayed in public?

I know that chain bookstores like Borders, Books-A-Million and others stock not only comic books, but some have a pretty good selection of Manga and comic trades also. The comic books are typically shelved as face out as they are too slim to stock sideways so the covers are exposed to public view. While in these stores myself I have observed it is mostly a younger crowd that are seated on the floor reading Spider-Man, Batman, etc. while the parents browse (most older comic book readers undoubtedly go to comic book stores for their titles and are not casual in-store readers).

The question is would a large retail or book chain, knowing in advance what the covers look like, carry and display for sale Heroes for Hire #13 or Captain America #29?


Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Birds of Prey #106: Her cups runneth over...NOT!

Barda RULES!

A special thanks to the entire creative team of Bird of Prey #106 for moving past the silly marketing gimmick of showing Big Barda's breasts spilling up over the top of her uniform on the cover. In the story itself Big Barda was fully armored up, unlike in issue #101, as befits her character and background as an Apokoliptian warrior.


Grocery Store Artifact: I just saw a video about this

Seen that ad for cologne marketed to little boys who want to feel grown up? I'm not linking to it myself but you can find it all over the net if you want. In the ad an older woman aggressively begins to seduce in public a younger man who is presumably wearing a few gallons of the perfume. It's sexual harassment. Even if the produce guy likes it, she is still promoting a hostile work environment.

If someone really did this at work the manager would contact the corporate Human Resources manager, forward an investigation and in all likelihood, ask the customer not to patronize the store in the future.


Tuesday, May 22, 2007

THIS is why I get so angry! Plus some other stuff

Boy Who Fought Cancer Treatment Dies
CANTON, Ohio (AP) - An 11-year-old boy whose parents won court approval to treat their son's leukemia with an unconventional method has died after five years of fighting the cancer.
Bad, bad parents. Bad jury. You know what? Just hand out the Bad Awards Ribbons all around. No worries, though. I'm sure that somewhere a psychic is ready to charge $700 to offer assurances that their son did not die of a disease but was instead shot by an intruder.

"Pardon me, I speak Gullible"

Introduction to Chakras - What a waste of time. "Introduction to made up crap from a culture that claims to know the secrets of health and longevity but whose practitioners have an average life expectancy of 47 years" you mean.

Basic Feng-Shui - Get any 10 Feng-Shui experts in a double-blind experiment to Feng a room and you'll get 10 different solutions.

Yoga Monday - Calisthenics is good. Stretching is good and you don't have to restrict it to just Mondays. It doesn't "align your energies", though. Hope they have malpractice insurance and a licensed physical therapist doing that class.

Drumming Circle - For guys with low self esteem who can't put down the hemp and hope that by attending they might get into the natural all-cotton exploited immigrant worker-free panties of the hippie cashier.

Massage Therapy - Wonder of the police know about this "therapy" that is going on?

Ear Coning - Does nothing. Putting a paper cone in your ear and lighting a candle at the end does not draw out wax and dirt from the ear canal. There just isn't enough suction. If you believe it does, let me know the last time you saw a burning log in the fireplace cause all the furniture in the room to be the sucked into the chimney. Sure, the cone tickles and you might get lucky enough that the hippie cashier accidentally presses her breast into the side of your arm while lighting the candle but that isn't worth 20 bucks.

Cranial Sacral Therapy - Reading the bumps on your head went out of fashion years ago. Once wealthy people with lumpy heads started being branded evil criminals of low caste, science won out. I kid. Head massages DO NOT bring your health energies into focus. Look! Same scientific protocols!

Reiki - I don't even know where to start. I'll sum it up. You are an idiot.

Animal Communication - Most animals are pretty clear in what they want. Food, sex and the occasional romp through a field chasing bunnies. They are JUST LIKE YOU AND ME.

Harp Healing Therapy - Plunk plunk plunk plunk thrummmmmmmm..! Your psoriasis is gone! That'll be fifty bucks, please.

Foot Reflexology - Wow. That's one totally made up Ology. Seems like kinky foot play going under the police radar like those other "massages".

Ouch. I think Sandu tore something. Possibly several somethings.
From Journey Into Mystery #91 (April 1963).

"Facts can be used to prove anything!"

The Mutant of Zardoz knows: Sorry. As much as you want there to be magic pooled up in the nook and crannies of the universe that you can dip your frightened caveman fingers into...there isn't.

Scary? No, not really. Quit acting like jerks all the darn time and you don't have to worry about an afterlife.


Wonder Woman is tough...ON DIRT!

It appears that DC, encouraged in no small part by the promise of huge profits to be had from the licensing of female comic book characters, and eager to capitalize on the recent storm of publicity generated from the preview of the Mary Jane Watson clothes-sorting statue kerfuffle, has authorized the issue of the new Women of the DC Universe Wonder Woman Bust.

From the press release:

"Whether sexy super-heroine Wonder Woman is breaking the neck of a super-villain or breaking the hold of grime on her favorite blouse using high-quality cleaning products, you can rest assured that this is one Amazon Princess who enjoys doing the laundry and other satisfying domestic chores that make a home into a personal and private Paradise Island of her very own."

For this I need popcorn

I'm just going to sit back, relax and watch this time.

...I'd hate to see what a 2007 version of the Comics Code Authority would be like and I think Marvel is on the CCA Express and is going full steam ahead. Since sexist marketing due to the desperate need for dollars outside the usual fan sources is bringing comics to the attention of those outside the usual demographic, I expect that sooner or later (the moralists need a new target in 2008, don't forget) someone will notice what is going on (similar to what happened in the 50s and to a lesser extent, the 90s) and start in on the "think of the children" thing.


Cool Golden Age Page of the Day: NOT THE CLOWN SUIT!

Anyone even thinking of writing the Joker for DC should check out the Golden Age stories featuring the villainous Clown, the arch-enemy of Magno and Davey, the Magnetic Lad. The Clown is way more bat-poop insane than the Joker ever was. I've always found the mass murder from the Joker to be kind of lame but when the Clown gacks people its freaky and chilling. The Joker kills as a plot device, the Clown kills because he gets off on it. The Clown also looks scarier than the Joker. He doesn't grin ear to ear because of an acid bath or nerve damage, his smile comes from sheer crazy.

In the following Cool Page the Clown beats up Davey in a home invasion, kidnaps and chains him up and dresses him in a clown suit after applying some electric mind-control.This is also a story where there is so much Awesome that one page can't possibly contain it all without risk of an Awesome Explosion so I included a few extra panels. For instance, the disturbing Mentabelt scene.
That's just so wrong. Keep in mind that this was from a pre-Code comic and it wasn't yet against the rules of common sense not to twist impressionable little minds forever with scenes of homo-erotic bondage, child abuse and fluoridated water.

The Clown then forces Davey to commit evil crimes like beating up old people in a rest home and vandalizing the place. I kid you not.

That's just deranged.

From Super-Mystery v2 #1 (April 1941).


Monday, May 21, 2007

Knock-Knock! Who's there? Pervert!

Yay! According to Google, for the 8th consecutive month I am still your number one resource on the internet for Supergirl Tentacle Porn, though Ye Olde Comick Booke Blogge (using a clever choice of keywords) comes in at a close second.

My wife says I'll never amount to anything.

Interesting Observation: One thing I've noticed how visitors find the site is through the page positioning of a particular link. There is one blog which I enjoy regularly but has very, very long, text-filled entries. Now, I like that and can read through it with no problem but I understand how some people would lose interest after a few minutes. Not enough pictures of girls in bikinis or Power Girl and the mouse wanders along with their attention. What I've noticed from that blog is that just about at the point where I estimate boredom overwhelms visitor interest, about 3 paragraphs down, is the point on the blogroll list that is off to the side with the link to my site. I imagine many sites receive visits that way and I would be surprised if advertising didn't take advantage of that through clever placement.

Recent search terms that brought you here:

  • Supergirl Tentacle Porn - See above.
  • Ball Honeys - This must be something to do with foreign women, like those girls that sell nuts in Asia. The search engine keyed on those Harvey comics Bunny entries.
  • Ultron transformation - People looking for Girl Ultron pictures I suppose.
  • Mary Jane/Other White Meat/Comiquette/Mary Jane stinks/Etc. - The statue thing.
  • Fletcher Hanks - There is a Wikipedia reference that leads visitors here. That should end soon with the new Hanks book coming out soon which I am totally buying.
  • Shanna She-Devil eaten - I think Shanna was recently featured in the Marvel Zombies - Milking It For All That We Can mini-series.
  • Police - Police?
  • Gwen Stacey sexy - Spelled wrong, but the statue again.
  • Hayley Mills Nude - What is wrong with you people? I've told you before to quit it.
  • Groin injury - Hmm, okay. Yeah that was one of my shticks.
  • [Expletive Deleted] - Get away from me. Now. I have no idea how that word led this person here.
  • Upskirts - Tsk.
  • Daughters of the Dragon sex - Slashie slashie.
  • notintheface - I don't want to know.
  • comic woman knight doctor alien sister tentacle - I'm scared to think what you find with that combo.
  • Toenail scratching fetish - Ew.
So while it is usually either perversion or boredom that brings you here the recent results are giving me hope for humanity. It is heartening that for the first time I'm starting to see people coming to the site for comics and opinion and not just stumbling upon it in the search for weird fetishes. This must be what Bully feels like.


What I bought: Little Pictures of Japan

One of the many, many things about California that makes it superior to Maryland is that the west coast culture goes far beyond the practice of shooting critters as a Viagra substitute and watching football on the widescreen television, which is also used as a Viagra substitute.

California has much to offer over Stupidlandia and one of those things is used book stores. There are used "book stores" in Maryland certainly, but how many back issues of Guns & Ammo and the Coleman Products Catalog does a person need? A few days ago I paid a visit to one in San Diego I have enjoyed for decades and while browsing for old crime noir paperbacks came across the heavily-illustrated 1925 book Little Pictures of Japan.

This is a nice children's book of translated classic Japanese poetry and stories written by Olive Beaupre Miller and illustrated by Katherine Sturges. I'm not a poetry fan but occasionally I'll be pleasantly surprised by some passages and the art attracted me.

I was not aware of the fact that this book is semi-famous and before the internet, collectors demanded very high prices for a copy of the book. I picked it up because it was old and chock full of art. When I bought the book for mere dollars the proprietor of the store told me that "the internet was your friend today." Apparently this was due to the book being available in entirety on the internet. By virtue of the art being available to casual readers the demand for the book and the monetary value in the collector market has declined over the last decade.

My copy is in really good shape for the age and journey it must have taken. The cover is blue and often the cloth turns black from handling. There is a little discoloration on the exterior but it isn't bad. Over all it is a great copy with one exception. Page 91/92 is torn and a large piece is missing.

Unfortunately, page 91 contains one of the best illustrations in the entire book, that of the Maiden and the Dragon, with the next page being a nearly equally impressive scene of Mount Fuji. Page 91 is one of the more popular pages when art is reproduced for sale as a print. I cringed when I reached page 91 and saw a large section torn from it. The odds the page would be damaged is actually pretty good as it was likely the most popular destination in the book. That particular page would be handled more than others so any damage to page 91 is almost inevitable.

I've looked on the net but have been unable to find any high-res scans of page 91 and 92. I'd like to find them somewhere, print out the damaged pages and keep them with the book itself so I can experience what I am missing.