Comic Book Ad: 2-Fer

This advertisement in Young Men #4 (June 1950) not only pushes candy but also the recent release of a William Bendix film, in which a character from a Boy's Town-like youth center visits his sick mother in the hospital and gives her a box of candy he probably nicked from the nearby Woolworth's.

Has anyone seen the 1949 William Bendix film Johnny Holiday? I'd be interested to know if such blatant product placement as the character giving a box of brand candy to his mother and her delighted reaction actually appeared in the movie.

Once upon a time, people in films often drank from fictional label soda bottles and smoked generic cigarettes. While there would be partnerships among the companies to use their product in films they either owned or produced, with the exception of cars and other items that would be too bothersome to duplicate as props it took a while before someone hit upon the idea of accepting payments for prominently featuring consumer goods in a film. Prior to that bad idea brand name appliances and goods were just props. The actors did not extol the virtues of a self-cleaning, the smooth ride of a particular car or awkwardly hold a bottle so the label would not be obscured in every scene. The camera did not linger overlong on the sleek design of the shiny new refrigerator. Consumer goods were props and background, just incidental scenery.

Overt product placement is a relatively new part of the process of movie making. Becoming more obvious in the cinema of the 60s it increased until such fare as the James Bond movies were little more than 2 hour commercials for boy toy gadgets. Let us not forget the less than subtle, fast-food inspired Mac and Me and the uncredited inanimate cast members in the form of the volleyball and international delivery service in the Tom Hanks vehicle Cast Away.

The Bendix film was not the only movie advertised in that issue of Young Men. Beneath the ad for chewing gum is the promo for classic World War 2 film The Sands of Iwo-Jima.

It's John Wayne in comic book form!

Tags: Comic Book Ad Movies Product Placement

Just a LOL stuffed bull

Blame Bully

Tags: lolbully

Sleestak's Movie Review: Pirates of the Caribbean 3

I went and saw Pirates of the Caribbean - At World's End yesterday. Really, that film stank and it wasn't from the Squid-Guy. Sitting in the theater I lost track of exactly what movie I was watching. At different times I kept thinking I was watching either Time Bandits or Erik the Viking.

Everyone, with the exception of Geoffrey Rush, kind of phoned the acting chores in, as if they wanted to get done in a hurry so they could go sip drinks on the beach. Even then there were a few scenes where you could tell that Rush had a long day in costume standing in front of a Green Screen with the director instructing him to "Yell a bunch of random piratey stuff and we'll leave the cameras rolling." that they would cut and fit into scenes later during editing. I also kept wishing for subtitles so I could understand what the heck the Swamp-Witch was saying.

The only reason I could imagine that anyone would be enthusiastic about the movie was if they were irrationally hot for Depp, Bloom or the Broomstick With Hair. Then the film would be good enough, I suppose. Over all the film was boring, boring, boring.

One positive note: Keith Richards.

Tags: Pirates of the Caribbean - At World's End

Outside the lines: Tough break, Nick

It's always interesting to find something from a comic book creator that fans usually know only through their comic book work. Something many fans don't realize is that usually their favorite artists and authors don't make comic books 100% of the time.

W. Michael Kaluta is an artist who has pretty much left the comic book industry for other artistic pursuits and is staying busy. He was known and is still remembered for his work on The Shadow comic and Batman at DC and has an impressive body of work. Even while active in comic books, Kaluta had explored other outlets, such as album covers and commercial illustration.

Kaluta is credited as being the artist and animator for the 1981 music video Don't Answer Me for the Alan Parsons Project. This roughly though cleverly animated piece is a forgotten gem and a good example of an artist doing work outside the familiar venue of comic books. Done in the crime noir style of art that Kaluta does so well, it can be found on the net or by the YouTube link below.

Be a wise guy and sock the picture to lay your peepers on the video, ya bimbo!

Enjoy!

No mention of WM is complete without including a mention of the clever hat-tip to WM by artist Neal Adams in the pages of Green Lantern!

Tags: WM Kaluta Music Video Animation

Pets: Don't take your eyes off them for a second

Don't ever forget that the smartest, most loving, most loyal pet on the planet will still feast on your fresh corpse if you happen to die alone at home.

And don't wail "But....But...What about Greyfriars Bobby?"

Look, he's a dog. He wasn't sleeping on his deceased master's grave every night for years because he missed the old man. Bobby was trying to dig the guy up for a snack.

That is why old people should not have pets. If a senior citizen wants companionship take a shower to get rid of that weird smell and go outside and meet people once in a while.

Tags: Pets

Cool Golden Age Page of the Day: Alex Toth

Really. Who knew that a mountain lion had such a wicked right hook? Not Streak the Wonder Dog, that's for sure! But the great and much-missed Alex Toth pulled it off! Could that guy layout a fight scene or what?

Sadly for comics, Alex Toth put his pen down for the final time one year ago yesterday. You may not be aware of it but you are probably an Alex Toth fan even if you never heard of him before this entry. I was an unknowing fan myself by exposure to the original 1960s Space Ghost cartoon long before I paid any attention to who were the writers, artists, inkers and letterers that created my childhood comic books. You can read more about the modern master over at Comics Should Be Good!

Page from All-American Comics #99 (July 1948).

Art by Alex Toth

Streak was the doggie side-kick of the Golden Age Green Lantern, Alan Scott. Shortly after appearing, Streak quickly became the lead player of the Green Lantern titles and much like in this Cool Golden Age Page often was the star of the strip even when appearing with Alan Scott in an anthology book outside of the regular series. Even when Alan Scott managed to get some face time on a cover it was Streak the Wonder Dog who got the doggie's share of the exposure.

Heh. If that mountain lion wasn't actually cat-based I could really enjoy that panel a lot more. One out of two ain't bad, though.

Tags: Golden Age Green Lantern

Rebuilding the Metal Men

I'm looking forwards to the new Metal Men series, mini or whatever it is that DC will be putting out soon. I'm not going to be upset that the characters are not mired in the Silver Age or have moved past the awesome Walt Simonson versions. For all I know the newer takes on the characters could be better than the originals! Who knows?

That said, I'm a little worried about the 2 new female robots that were introduced recently because they are so tough and no-nonsense. In fanboy-speak, they are feminists and therefore poor objects of desire, which will negatively affect sales in the long run. I always liked the old Platinum because she was a product of the Doc Magnus craziness infecting his work. Platinum was so sad and odd. When she felt all domestic and tried cooking some eggs for the Doc she accidentally released a super-amoeba that nearly destroyed the world. Yes, the Doc created the perfect wife/mom in his lab and screwed it up royally. No wonder he needed therapy.

A side note to DC, though. You really don't have to reboot and start from scratch every single character in your line. Sometimes the old versions work the best, okay? For example, I can think of a recent few attempts where the new versions were vastly inferior to the old series, namely Warlord and Deadman. While you are at it crush the urge to keep making them with that crappy Manga style art. It was unique and fresh in the 70s now not so much.

But a few things have to be clear for me to fully embrace the new iterations of the Metal Men.

One is that Doc Magnus has been long established to be a bit nutty. Having him go off his meds every few issues so he can be the "threat from within" isn't necessary. What is important is that insanity aside, the Doc has always been a Grade-A Jerkoid much of the time. Keep that up and his character will work out just fine. Being a jerk can cause more damage and catastrophic world-threatening events than just being pure evil, I know.

The other is that if even half of the craziness of the Silver Age carries over into the new series I'm sold!

Look at this page from Metal Men #1 (April-May 1963). An alien robot that self-identifies as a male desires a female robot to share its existence with. Unfortunately, it is unable to deviate from its programming and keeps manufacturing male robots. Repeatedly attempting something and receiving the same results when expecting another is the definition of crazy right there. Eventually the frustrated robot soon has an army of like creations and attacks the Earth, looking for a female robot to take home.

That is just insane. Bob Kanigher was a freaking mad genius and it would be a shame to dump wholesale what he did just because someone has a new vision. So I hope the new versions build on the old, but in a good way and not like the new Warlord did.

Hey, anyone else think that Gold would have made a great member (even maybe leader) of the JLA?

Tags: Metal Men

Pets vs. Garbage Can

I have some left over sushi from work. It is tasty but I do not want it today and it will be unfit to eat by tomorrow.

Shall I share the tasty sushi with the house pets? Shall the tasty sushi be thrown away?

Let's evaluate the furry vermin infesting the house and then see if we give them tasty sushi based on their behavior, shall we?

Stupid Cat #1:
Poops everywhere. Ignores litter box. Keeps disturbing my sleep by rubbing against face and purring. Attacks other animals. Runs around like it is on crack all night and day. Drags things down off of counters. Gets into things like briefcases and messes them up.

NO SUSHI FOR YOU!

Stupid Cat #2:
Poops on my clothing and bed. Urinates on my clothing and bed. Meows loudly for no reason at about 3 am every morning and doesn't stop until sprayed with water from squirt bottle and yelled at and chased outside. Sheds like some sort of industrial shedding machine. SLEEPS on the TABLE where I EAT.

NO SUSHI FOR YOU!

Stupid Dog #1:
Is stupid and needy. Makes noises while eating. Has a habit of making chewing motions even when not actually eating anything. Also loud. That's weird.

NO SUSHI FOR YOU!

Stupid Dog #2:
Begs for treats. Whines constantly. Catches lizards in backyard and mauls them to bloody shreds. Doesn't eat them, instead drags them into house and smears the mess all over the place. Urinates while running from one side of the house to the other when yelled at about the damn lizard mess. Steals toys from the other animals. Doesn't play with them, just doesn't want them to have them. Steals food. Urinates in hallways during the night and you don't discover it until you walk through it the morning when not yet fully awake. Attacks the other animals when they are sleeping. Nails go click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click on the wooden floors all night long because due to old injuries the nails can't be trimmed short enough to be quieter.

NO SUSHI FOR YOU!

Stupid Dog #3:
Scratches butt on everything in reach. Smells like an old dog. Passes gas every few minutes. You know it is coming because he yelps and trembles but no human can move out of the room fast enough to avoid getting enveloped buy the noxious cloud. Barks insanely for no reason and sets the other dogs off in a cacophony of barking, howling, yipping and fighting that continues for minutes at a time. Falls down a lot. Stands in middle of room and stares at nothing which totally creeps me out and makes me check that the windows and doors are locked.

NO SUSHI FOR YOU!

Stupid Dog #4:
Will FREAKING NOT STOP bringing you the ball to play fetch with. If you put the ball away cries and whines until you give it back. Sleeps on my pillow. Jumps up and grabs food out of your hand if you are not paying attention. Rolls around in poop and then wanders about the house rolling around on the couch, bed, chair and floor.

NO SUSHI FOR YOU!

Well. After carefully tabulating the scores I found the results to be as follows:

GARBAGE CAN WINS!

I held a winner's ceremony with the pests and the garbage can in attendance to announce the results of the contest. All the pets sat together in the kitchen and they got to watch me throw out the tasty sushi into the trash. I hope they learned their lessons.

Tags: Pets

I'll see your straight line and raise you a sting

Due to car problems I've been on the bus to and from work the last few days. I had forgotten how awful it is to take the bus in a large city because of all the psychos and homeless that ride public transportation. By the time the ride is over I'm exhausted from all the false alarms being set off in my head from my flight-or-fight responses. I'm not over-reacting. When the two guys in the seat next to you are ranting in a verbal salad and keep twitching and jumping in their seats it keeps you in a kind of an accelerated hyper-aware mode.

Yesterday I had been waiting for the bus to show at the scheduled time and it didn't. It happens, but I was a little concerned about it because of how long it takes to get to work using the bus and being in management, I don't like to be late. It's bad enough I have to leave work early because if I miss the last bus for the evening at the connection it is a 6 mile walk up and down our California hills. FYI: Hills in California are what people in other states call mountains. Normally I can drive to work by car in about 10 minutes via the freeway into La Jolla. By bus it takes just over 2 1/2 hours.

That totally sucks.

One bright spot though in my public transportation adventures over the last few days is a conversation I had with a lady at the stop near my home. She was reading a heavily marked, highlighted and annotated book. I guess I should have looked closer at what she was reading before I spoke to her.

"Hi. Uh...The last bus didn't show up. Do you know when the next one arrives?"
"God bless you."
"Yeah, okay...Uh..."
"You need to be prepared because Jesus is coming."
"Well, I hope it's soon because I need a ride to work."

ba-dum TSH!

The Bible-Reading Lady was kind of hostile towards me during the entire wait for the bus and the ensuing trip afterwards. I kept watching her carefully just in case she went all Carrie's Mom on me.


Tags: Public Transportation Religion

Every day is Hayley Mills Day!

I have to confess that a few weeks ago I failed to share the news of Hayley Mill's birthday with you all, which is actually celebrated on the auspicious date of April 18th.

But for me, since every day is Hayley Mills Day and a chance to celebrate the awesome actress, it is better that I share the news later than not at all.

It wasn't on purpose, I was feeling very sick with the flu and and it lasted nearly 4 weeks. A bad flu turned into a nasty respiratory illness that kept moving between my head and lungs. It took weeks to get rid of it and the ear aches lasted another two weeks after that. Hayleyitis I can live with but this thing I had was wreaking havoc with my health. Be assured though, that while I did not share the big birthday news with you all, I did celebrate privately in one of the many personal Hayley shrines I have in my home.

Me, posing at one of my Hayley Mills shrines. This one is in the living room.
Not counting the night table displays in my bedroom there are ten in all.

While I was recuperating I spent a lot of time relaxing in my award-winning Garden of Hayley Awesomeness! The garden is quiet, peaceful and is perfect for contemplation. I spare no expense and the lovingly tended garden is stocked year round with the most out-of-season flowers that can be found from all over the world. It is a fact that thirty men died in bringing to my garden the rare South American Rojo Gapanthus that can be seen in the picture. It was totally worth it.

Even though the day was overcast the Garden of Hayley Awesomeness is always basked in the bright, warm light emanating from her statue, even at night. In the garden I can get my Vitamin D even on the cloudiest of days. I usually don't linger in the garden because whenever I contemplate Hayley for too long I get a funny feeling in the side of my neck, vomit and burst into tears before eventually passing out. It is something that commonly occurs among Hayley Mills fans but it is generally frowned upon as disrespectful when it happens in public, somewhat like speaking in tongues is when at the church.

After a few days in the garden soaking up the Hayleyness I felt well enough to visit my exterior Hayley Mills shrine. In making it up to you all for my illness-related faux pax in not celebrating Hayley's birthday publicly I am allowing outsiders to see, via the magic of the internet, the Hayley Mills Celebratory Museum! Lovingly built by my own hands over several years in my back yard taking advantage of San Diego's unique geography and world-famous extensive cave system, the HMCM is my respectful tribute to the legend that is Hayley Mills.

For obvious reasons I keep the entrance locked just like you would lock up a tool shed that protects your shovels, lawn mower and pornography. The marble cost me a pretty penny (not as pretty as Hayley, mind you) but again it was totally worth it. Once inside, a winding series of stairs takes you down through Hayley Hall and into the spacious main area of the Hayleydome.
The Hayleydome is my pride and joy and I am constantly updating and improving the many Hayley displays. It is large and has superior acoustics that compliment the nightly viewings of such Hayley Mills film fare as The Flame Trees of Thika and The Chalk Garden. Suitable for proms, wedding receptions and business meetings the Hayleydome is perfect for anyone's Hayley-centric needs. Since it is built deep into the side of a hill it stays cool in summer and cool in winter (it is located in San Diego, after all). I once considered renting the Hayleydome out on the condition that all gatherings be Hayley-themed, but I decided I didn't want my special place touched by strangers.

Note, on the left at the rear of the Hayleydome you can see the entrance to the recently completed Miss Bliss Annex! Now 100% Screech-free!

I could stay down here for hours but eventually I have to earn a living. So after a week I eventually go back to the house and the many smaller (though no less impressive) Hayley displays, secure in the knowledge that while I am leaving my Hayley Mills Museum behind for the time being, she has never really left my heart.

Thanks, Giada! Your Platinum Edition DVD of Summer Magic is on the way!

Tags: Hayley Mills

Peter Puptent - Ugly American!

From Rip Hunter, Time Master #1 (March-April 1961).

Tags: Peter Puptent

Happy Blogging B-Day Bully!

Have a Happy 2nd Bloggingversary!

Here's to many more, Bully!

Yllub Htiw Nioj!


Tags: Bully

Friday Catblogging

IT is SLEEPING on the TABLE where I EAT.

Stupid cats. I go through about 6 canisters of sanitizing wipes a week.

Now for no reason...A dog scratching his butt.



Looks like he's tap-dancing!

Go, Socks! It's your birthday! Have a milk-bone! It's your birthday!

Tags: Pets Dogs YouTube Catblogging

When Fanboys Strike Back!

Much is said in comic forums and blog sites about the misogynistic manner in which women are marginalized, brutalized and generally treated like crap in comic books. I can't really argue with that as history shows it to be mostly factual. It occurs more today than in the comics of decades past and is made all the worse by the fact that the creative teams should know better by now.

But does no one think of the men?

For years in between the beating up of Loki and Starro the male characters of comic books have been subjected to countless soap-opera machinations by women. Nearly without exception the women in comics heaped scathing contempt upon the males of the cast.

For example, Pepper Potts was merciless in her dislike for Tony Stark's chauffeur, Harry "Happy" Hogan, a broken down but honest boxer. Pepper publicly humiliated Happy in the Executive Offices of Stark Industrial when they first met. If Pepper acted today as she did then she'd have been on the unemployment line and Hogan would be getting handed a big check for personal damages.

Tales of Suspense #45 (September 1963).

Pepper was infatuated with Tony Stark but he had little interest. While smart, efficient and hard-working Pepper was clearly not his type, being kind of a spinster-scarecrow who favored school-marm fashions. She was, basically, a real woman and not the jet-set starlet eye-candy that Tony Stark preferred.

This horrible, emasculating treatment of Happy went on for several years. Pepper and Happy gradually evolved into being less plain in appearance and got married, then divorced, then got back together again. I suspect Pepper only became involved with Happy as a way of proving to Tony Stark that he missed a good thing because he started chasing her after that. Pepper certainly didn't do anything to discourage him all during the time she and Happy were in their highly dysfunctional marriage.

The women of comics have a long, long history of treating men poorly. Most famously, Lois Lane was vicious in her personal attacks against Clark Kent. Mary Jane Watson constantly belittled Peter Parker and often interfered with his other relationships out of fun, then tossed him aside for a party she wanted to attend that night. The girl in the Charles Atlas ads could barely keep from throwing up on her boyfriend when he got sand kicked in his face by the Nuisance of Muscle Beach.

Lois and Clark from Superman #1 ( Summer 1939).
Pre-manly Mac from undated issue of Modern Mechanix and Invention.

The thing is, all these men knew what these harpies were like and still pursued them. In most cases, unbelievably, getting married to them.

Amazing Spider-Man #123 (August 1975).
This conversation takes place a short time after Gwen Stacy was murdered.

What should be remembered is that the spandex and heroic fights are incidental. As much as fans would like to ignore the fact, all comic books are really just soap-opera romances and they are all about about the boy/girl (or sometimes other combinations) relationships. Lois married Clark, Mary Jane and Peter married and Pepper's rocky relationship with Happy is still on-going. It is almost unimaginable that any of the men in comics would wed the women in their cast after their experiences. I would love to see a story where the male character recalled years of relationship continuity and rebuffed the woman who for their entire relationship tore him down at every opportunity.

"Clark, I have to confess. I love you and want to be with you for the rest of my life."
"What's that, Lois? You want to be with...me? The milk-sop, the spineless toad, the wet-blanket, the coward, the foolish, pathetic laughable loser? GO TO HELL. Now excuse me while I crush this mountain of coal into a giant diamond for Chloe."

Tags: Misandry Satire

Grocery Store Artifact: Heroes for Hire #13 & Captain America #29 not for sale?

I just realized that the store I work for probably wouldn't display for sale Heroes for Hire #13 or Captain America #29.

See the covers here (NSFW link)
Captain America #29 and Heroes for Hire #13

While any business would of course be concerned about being the subject of a Georgia v. Gordon Lee-type event, it is more likely that the bondage and sexual assault theme of the cover for Heroes for Hire #13 and the image of a black man being burned alive on the cover of Captain America #29 would not meet the standards of the community or the image of the store, so we would have the stocking vendor remove it from the shelf.

The cover of Captain America #29 would certainly be considered a bad idea by many if not offensive or overtly racist by most customers. While comic book fans understand the context and are familiar with the back story of the characters the public at large does not and will only react to what they see displayed. Technically, the Heroes for Hire #13 cover isn't pornography, but it would certainly be considered mature fare if noticed by a store manager. Those in the know also get that most comic books are not for kids any longer and haven't been for some time, but no one can really defend that they are also not aggressively marketed to a younger demographic.

Since Heroes for Hire #13 and Captain America #29 would not packaged in sealed bags like the other young adult magazines such as Maxim or FHM and is still perceived by the public and marketed as kiddie fare there would be no expectation that it would be placed on a higher shelf or behind the counter. It would be displayed as usual with Mad, assorted gaming magazines and other comics like Archie and the various Marvel and DC titles.

If nothing else the cover to Heroes for Hire #13 or Captain America #29 could be considered inappropriate for public display and I imagine would certainly generate complaints to the corporate offices from our customers. I'm confident that most of the messages would consist of overly-dramatic or hysterical complaints and would miss the actual point of what is wrong about the thematic layouts of the covers, but the reaction from the store would probably be the removal of the comic books. The store could further probably decide that monitoring the content of comic books after would not be worth the effort and would inform the vendor not to stock any at all. I have witnessed similar situations occur for various products.

On nearly every site I have seen addressing Heroes for Hire #13 (and a lesser extent Captain America #29), the images are labeled as NSFW. That is, not safe for viewing while at work. For those not familiar with the term it refers in this instance to the display of inappropriate imagery in a work environment and would cause a hostile work place. You can get fired from your job, even if no one found the image offensive, because the cover of Heroes for Hire #13 and Captain America #29 meets the legal definition of harassment. Keep in mind that the images would not be displayed in the venues of the comic book company that produced it, a comic book store or an art display in a museum. It would be shown in a retail environment open to the public. This isn't a censorship issue either. Censorship would be if someone from city hall drove down to the store with a marking pen and blacked out all the material they officially deemed offensive. So if an adult can't look at the art on those two books on his work computer in a private office full of like-minded people due to it meeting the definition of harassment, why would it be okay for it to be displayed in public?

I know that chain bookstores like Borders, Books-A-Million and others stock not only comic books, but some have a pretty good selection of Manga and comic trades also. The comic books are typically shelved as face out as they are too slim to stock sideways so the covers are exposed to public view. While in these stores myself I have observed it is mostly a younger crowd that are seated on the floor reading Spider-Man, Batman, etc. while the parents browse (most older comic book readers undoubtedly go to comic book stores for their titles and are not casual in-store readers).

The question is would a large retail or book chain, knowing in advance what the covers look like, carry and display for sale Heroes for Hire #13 or Captain America #29?

Tags: Grocery Store Artifact Heroes for Hire Captain America Seduction of the Innocent

Birds of Prey #106: Her cups runneth over...NOT!

Barda RULES!

A special thanks to the entire creative team of Bird of Prey #106 for moving past the silly marketing gimmick of showing Big Barda's breasts spilling up over the top of her uniform on the cover. In the story itself Big Barda was fully armored up, unlike in issue #101, as befits her character and background as an Apokoliptian warrior.

Tags: Big Barda Birds of Prey

Grocery Store Artifact: I just saw a video about this

Seen that ad for cologne marketed to little boys who want to feel grown up? I'm not linking to it myself but you can find it all over the net if you want. In the ad an older woman aggressively begins to seduce in public a younger man who is presumably wearing a few gallons of the perfume. It's sexual harassment. Even if the produce guy likes it, she is still promoting a hostile work environment.

If someone really did this at work the manager would contact the corporate Human Resources manager, forward an investigation and in all likelihood, ask the customer not to patronize the store in the future.

Tags: Grocery Store Artifact Sexual Harassment

THIS is why I get so angry! Plus some other stuff

Boy Who Fought Cancer Treatment Dies
CANTON, Ohio (AP) - An 11-year-old boy whose parents won court approval to treat their son's leukemia with an unconventional method has died after five years of fighting the cancer.

Bad, bad parents. Bad jury. You know what? Just hand out the Bad Awards Ribbons all around. No worries, though. I'm sure that somewhere a psychic is ready to charge $700 to offer assurances that their son did not die of a disease but was instead shot by an intruder.

---

"Pardon me, I speak Gullible"

Introduction to Chakras - What a waste of time. "Introduction to made up crap from a culture that claims to know the secrets of health and longevity but whose practitioners have an average life expectancy of 47 years" you mean.

Basic Feng-Shui - Get any 10 Feng-Shui experts in a double-blind experiment to Feng a room and you'll get 10 different solutions.

Yoga Monday - Calisthenics is good. Stretching is good and you don't have to restrict it to just Mondays. It doesn't "align your energies", though. Hope they have malpractice insurance and a licensed physical therapist doing that class.

Drumming Circle - For guys with low self esteem who can't put down the hemp and hope that by attending they might get into the natural all-cotton exploited immigrant worker-free panties of the hippie cashier.

Massage Therapy - Wonder of the police know about this "therapy" that is going on?

Ear Coning - Does nothing. Putting a paper cone in your ear and lighting a candle at the end does not draw out wax and dirt from the ear canal. There just isn't enough suction. If you believe it does, let me know the last time you saw a burning log in the fireplace cause all the furniture in the room to be the sucked into the chimney. Sure, the cone tickles and you might get lucky enough that the hippie cashier accidentally presses her breast into the side of your arm while lighting the candle but that isn't worth 20 bucks.

Cranial Sacral Therapy - Reading the bumps on your head went out of fashion years ago. Once wealthy people with lumpy heads started being branded evil criminals of low caste, science won out. I kid. Head massages DO NOT bring your health energies into focus. Look! Same scientific protocols!

Reiki - I don't even know where to start. I'll sum it up. You are an idiot.

Animal Communication - Most animals are pretty clear in what they want. Food, sex and the occasional romp through a field chasing bunnies. They are JUST LIKE YOU AND ME.

Harp Healing Therapy - Plunk plunk plunk plunk thrummmmmmmm..! Your psoriasis is gone! That'll be fifty bucks, please.

Foot Reflexology - Wow. That's one totally made up Ology. Seems like kinky foot play going under the police radar like those other "massages".

---

Ouch. I think Sandu tore something. Possibly several somethings.
From Journey Into Mystery #91 (April 1963).

---

I doubt it!

---

"Facts can be used to prove anything!"

The Mutant of Zardoz knows: Sorry. As much as you want there to be magic pooled up in the nook and crannies of the universe that you can dip your frightened caveman fingers into...there isn't.

Scary? No, not really. Quit acting like jerks all the darn time and you don't have to worry about an afterlife.

Tags: Reality Skeptic

Wonder Woman is tough...ON DIRT!

It appears that DC, encouraged in no small part by the promise of huge profits to be had from the licensing of female comic book characters, and eager to capitalize on the recent storm of publicity generated from the preview of the Mary Jane Watson clothes-sorting statue kerfuffle, has authorized the issue of the new Women of the DC Universe Wonder Woman Bust.

From the press release:

"Whether sexy super-heroine Wonder Woman is breaking the neck of a super-villain or breaking the hold of grime on her favorite blouse using high-quality cleaning products, you can rest assured that this is one Amazon Princess who enjoys doing the laundry and other satisfying domestic chores that make a home into a personal and private Paradise Island of her very own."

Tags: Wonder Woman Seduction of the Innocent

For this I need popcorn

I'm just going to sit back, relax and watch this time.

NSFW
Captain America #29 & Heroes for Hire #13

But...I'd hate to see what a 2007 version of the Comics Code Authority would be like and I think Marvel is on the CCA Express and is going full steam ahead. Since sexist marketing due to the desperate need for dollars outside the usual fan sources is bringing comics to the attention of those outside the usual demographic, I expect that sooner or later (the moralists need a new target in 2008, don't forget) someone will notice what is going on (similar to what happened in the 50s and to a lesser extent, the 90s) and start in on the "think of the children" thing.

Tags: Tentacles Heroes For Hire Seduction of the Innocent

Cool Golden Age Page of the Day: NOT THE CLOWN SUIT!

Anyone even thinking of writing the Joker for DC should check out the Golden Age stories featuring the villainous Clown, the arch-enemy of Magno and Davey, the Magnetic Lad. The Clown is way more bat-poop insane than the Joker ever was. I've always found the mass murder from the Joker to be kind of lame but when the Clown gacks people its freaky and chilling. The Joker kills as a plot device, the Clown kills because he gets off on it. The Clown also looks scarier than the Joker. He doesn't grin ear to ear because of an acid bath or nerve damage, his smile comes from sheer crazy.

In the following Cool Page the Clown beats up Davey in a home invasion, kidnaps and chains him up and dresses him in a clown suit after applying some electric mind-control.This is also a story where there is so much Awesome that one page can't possibly contain it all without risk of an Awesome Explosion so I included a few extra panels. For instance, the disturbing Mentabelt scene.
That's just so wrong. Keep in mind that this was from a pre-Code comic and it wasn't yet against the rules of common sense not to twist impressionable little minds forever with scenes of homo-erotic bondage, child abuse and fluoridated water.

The Clown then forces Davey to commit evil crimes like beating up old people in a rest home and vandalizing the place. I kid you not.

That's just deranged.

From Super-Mystery v2 #1 (April 1941).

Tags: Golden Age Seduction of the Innocent

Knock-Knock! Who's there? Pervert!

Yay! According to Google, for the 8th consecutive month I am still your number one resource on the internet for Supergirl Tentacle Porn, though Ye Olde Comick Booke Blogge (using a clever choice of keywords) comes in at a close second.

My wife says I'll never amount to anything.

Interesting Observation: One thing I've noticed how visitors find the site is through the page positioning of a particular link. There is one blog which I enjoy regularly but has very, very long, text-filled entries. Now, I like that and can read through it with no problem but I understand how some people would lose interest after a few minutes. Not enough pictures of girls in bikinis or Power Girl and the mouse wanders along with their attention. What I've noticed from that blog is that just about at the point where I estimate boredom overwhelms visitor interest, about 3 paragraphs down, is the point on the blogroll list that is off to the side with the link to my site. I imagine many sites receive visits that way and I would be surprised if advertising didn't take advantage of that through clever placement.

Recent search terms that brought you here:

• Supergirl Tentacle Porn - See above.
  
• Ball Honeys - This must be something to do with foreign women, like those girls that sell nuts in Asia. The search engine keyed on those Harvey comics Bunny entries.
  
• Ultron transformation - People looking for Girl Ultron pictures I suppose.
• Mary Jane/Other White Meat/Comiquette/Mary Jane stinks/Etc. - The statue thing.
• Fletcher Hanks - There is a Wikipedia reference that leads visitors here. That should end soon with the new Hanks book coming out soon which I am totally buying.
• Shanna She-Devil eaten - I think Shanna was recently featured in the Marvel Zombies - Milking It For All That We Can mini-series.
• Police - Police?
• Gwen Stacey sexy - Spelled wrong, but the statue again.
• Hayley Mills Nude - What is wrong with you people? I've told you before to quit it.
• Groin injury - Hmm, okay. Yeah that was one of my shticks.
• [Expletive Deleted] - Get away from me. Now. I have no idea how that word led this person here.
  
• Upskirts - Tsk.
  
• Daughters of the Dragon sex - Slashie slashie.
• notintheface - I don't want to know.
• comic woman knight doctor alien sister tentacle - I'm scared to think what you find with that combo.
• Toenail scratching fetish - Ew.
  

So while it is usually either perversion or boredom that brings you here the recent results are giving me hope for humanity. It is heartening that for the first time I'm starting to see people coming to the site for comics and opinion and not just stumbling upon it in the search for weird fetishes. This must be what Bully feels like.

Tags: Search terms

What I bought: Little Pictures of Japan

One of the many, many things about California that makes it superior to Maryland is that the west coast culture goes far beyond the practice of shooting critters as a Viagra substitute and watching football on the widescreen television, which is also used as a Viagra substitute.

California has much to offer over Stupidlandia and one of those things is used book stores. There are used "book stores" in Maryland certainly, but how many back issues of Guns & Ammo and the Coleman Products Catalog does a person need? A few days ago I paid a visit to one in San Diego I have enjoyed for decades and while browsing for old crime noir paperbacks came across the heavily-illustrated 1925 book Little Pictures of Japan.

This is a nice children's book of translated classic Japanese poetry and stories written by Olive Beaupre Miller and illustrated by Katherine Sturges. I'm not a poetry fan but occasionally I'll be pleasantly surprised by some passages and the art attracted me.

I was not aware of the fact that this book is semi-famous and before the internet, collectors demanded very high prices for a copy of the book. I picked it up because it was old and chock full of art. When I bought the book for mere dollars the proprietor of the store told me that "the internet was your friend today." Apparently this was due to the book being available in entirety on the internet. By virtue of the art being available to casual readers the demand for the book and the monetary value in the collector market has declined over the last decade.

My copy is in really good shape for the age and journey it must have taken. The cover is blue and often the cloth turns black from handling. There is a little discoloration on the exterior but it isn't bad. Over all it is a great copy with one exception. Page 91/92 is torn and a large piece is missing.

Unfortunately, page 91 contains one of the best illustrations in the entire book, that of the Maiden and the Dragon, with the next page being a nearly equally impressive scene of Mount Fuji. Page 91 is one of the more popular pages when art is reproduced for sale as a print. I cringed when I reached page 91 and saw a large section torn from it. The odds the page would be damaged is actually pretty good as it was likely the most popular destination in the book. That particular page would be handled more than others so any damage to page 91 is almost inevitable.

I've looked on the net but have been unable to find any high-res scans of page 91 and 92. I'd like to find them somewhere, print out the damaged pages and keep them with the book itself so I can experience what I am missing.

Tags: Children's Books Art Illustration Poetry

Comments fixed, fluvia fluved

Jon the Intergalactic Guardian dropped me a note that Blogger Comments were somehow disabled over the last few days. That will teach me to not go back to each post and triple-check that my default settings have not been changed! I apologize to the 4 out of the 12 bots who routinely visit who were unable to spam me with offers of reduced home loans and a lifetime of magazine subscriptions. Everything should be back to normal now.

Tags: Blogger Bugs

Pulp Wonder Woman

-The New Paradise-

The space-suited figure was terribly heavy to carry but Diana dared not lighten the burden by removing the protective suit the man wore. Breaking the seal on the visitor's helmet and exposing the rocket ship pilot to the atmosphere could prove fatal, or worse. Much had changed in the world in the century since the corpse of the Zerodark slammed into the world from outer space and transformed the world of mankind forever.

Diana spared a glance back over her shoulder at the vast, horizon-spanning bulk of the creature that destroyed much of the old world so many years ago by dying within the pull of the Earth's gravity. She could still detect the wisp of gray smoke from the destroyed rocket curling upwards through the sky, visible against the cracked, dark blue chitinous armor of the Zerodark. An hour's walk distant from the rocket and Diana could yet hear the hungry screams of the alien fauna drawn to seek prey by the noise of the rocket crash.

For a moment an exhausted Diana considered abandoning the unconscious pilot to the mercies of the strange plant and animal life that was borne to earth by the ill-timed death of the moonlet-sized creature. Living within its flesh, both hostile parasites and beneficial microbes were set free from their usual world of thick shell to attack and twist the Earth. But leaving the pilot to a horrible fate was a consideration that was, at most, fleeting. The spaceman represented hope for her people. He was from a time no one was old enough to recall and surely held secrets of science that Diana and the rest of the survivors could only dream of. The remains of humanity would need this man's help in the quest to rebuild the world into a new paradise for them all.

Next Month

- Eye of the Zerodark-

Tags: Pulp Comic Book Wonder Woman

Yayu knows!

I always enjoy discovering evidence that people of a by-gone age were more sophisticated than they are depicted as in either popularized perception or in their official history. To me there is proof of this in the poem "Hobgoblins" by Japanese poet Yayu. The poem offers a rational explanation to the fear of the supernatural, revealing that there no need to attribute to demons that wish a person harm when it can be explained with some rational thought.

Yayu (1701–1783)

Where Grimms Fairy Tales were cautionary learning stories used to scare children into behaving, being wary of strangers and not making the local government official angry with you, this poem could possibly have been used to teach young people to think.

Image from Little Pictures of Japan (1925).

Tags: Poetry Reality Skeptic

Cool Golden Age Page of the Day: Cat Scratch Fever

Usually the Cool Golden Age Page of the Day is restricted to just one awesome page of classic 1940s awesomeness. But in this instance the battle between Mr. Risk and the murderous, poison-clawed Cougar from Super Mystery #1, v4 (January 1944) neither page would be as cool alone as they are when shown together.
The layouts and fight on the first page are great and I just couldn't pass up showing the next scene of ironic fate where a cat gets run over by a car.

Golden Age Bonus! Unnecessary panel-filling expository word balloons that summarize the entire story.

Tags: Golden Age

Hell hath no Furry

Long before I knew what a "Furry" was I liked Tigra and the Starjammer crew member Hepzibah. While I still appreciate the characters I can't help now but to associate them with a fetish I don't understand whenever they appear. Recently the alien Hepzibah has been set up to have more of an active role in the X-Men universe and unless the writer drops the ball on the idea it'll be interesting to see how the Summers clan deal with someone who is basically their alien step-mom.

Hepzibah has changed quite a bit in form over the years since she was first revealed to be a space-faring pirate back in 1977. Originally she seemed more like a polecat-woman thing who was the love interest of Corsair, the father of Scott (Cyclops) Summers who sought revenge on a tyrannical empire for crimes against his family. When friends and I initially read the D'Ken storyline in X-Men we all were somewhat puzzled over Hepzibah's relationship with Corsair, not realizing at the time there was an entire market for that subset of comics fandom. Though I had been exposed to inter-species relationships through science fiction novels and was sort of used to it after a fashion, our collected reaction to it was "Ewww." Up to that point most of the alien-human relationships we were used to in the genre were between humans and others who were as "alien" as a Vulcan or green-skinned dancing slave girl.

In her first appearance in X-Men #107 (October 1977), Hepzibah looked more like a warrior-skunk and was openly racist. As being sort of feline she hated the avian race Empress Lilandra was a part of. This was when comics were a lot more fun and crazy and it made perfect sense to have a race of sort of cat people be the subjects and slaves of the bird people. You get the idea that their respective species have been fighting for centuries, each race alternately seeking to revenge wrongs from an ancient and continuing feud.

Hepzibah: Skunk, lover, warrior, one-shot character.

This Marvel Database character gallery shows a good if out of sequence evolution of the character as different writers and artists portrayed her. Interestingly, the probably-out-of-continuity version of Hepzibah is probably the best depiction of her as purist science fiction goes. Hepzibah is still all-female for the fans, but as an alien only superficially resembles both a woman and cat, which is emphasized by her strange ears.

Bully reminds us that Corsair's girlfriend is modeled on Mam'selle Hepzibah from Walt Kelly's Pogo.
Good old Dave Cockrum.

Her recent appearance in Uncanny X-Men #486 (July 2007) has her looking much more human in form and musculature which I'm not thinking is a good thing. This panel makes Hepzibah look as if she is the Sex-Punisher.

"Unsatisfying sex is the disease. I'm the cure...purrrrr."

Why is she now hot and sexy? She doesn't appear remotely feline. Her face is human and she has a nose. Gone is the long arm and leg fur and billowy hairy chest. She looks like she went to a Hollywood plastic surgeon for breast implants and full-body electrolysis. The changes ultimately might be found in fan taste and market reality as she fits more into the style of the slightly-altered human that populate much of the X-Men cast. Anyone but a select few reading the books would probably not be interested by the 1977 version getting it on with a human like Corsair, though I think it inevitable that she will be forming a sexual relationship with one or more of the X-Men. Hopefully none of them will be from the Summer clan itself since her previous relationship with Daddy Summers would make that creepy and wrong. I have the uncomfortable expectation that her alien culture will have her portrayed as equally bitchy and promiscuous to human standards, much to the delight of the fanboys and fangirls who enjoy Furry Fan Fiction.

Hepzibah 2007, with her large breasts, an exposed taut stomach, sharp teeth, long red nails and a kick-rear attitude is pure fan pandering. While the 1977 version of Hepzibah has roots in hard Science Fiction, but the 2007 cat-lady screams of Hard Core Sex.

Tags: Hepzibah X-Men

New! Gwen Stacy Comiquette

Now Spider-Man fans can commemorate a classic scene from Marvel comic book history with their very own, ultra-sexy, Anniversary-release Gwen Stacy Comiquette brought to you by Drooling Fanboy Productions! The Gwen Stacy Comiquette is based on drawings by venerated comic book artists Gil Kane, John Romita and Tony Mortellaro from the milestone July 1973 issue of The Amazing Spider-Man #121!

Standing a full 9 inches tall with optional base the statue is carefully mass-produced by skilled orphan children in Chinese labor camps and is made from high quality resin so you know it is lotion-resistant and the color is guaranteed not to fade or flake no matter how much and how many times it is handled or rubbed! The Gwen Stacy Comiquette is suitable for display on the desk, bookcase or computer monitor.

Available in July 2007, the Gwen Stacy Comiquette featuring the woman who changed the life of Spider-Man forever and pushed him into the arms of a vacuous party-skank can be yours for just $229.00 each (s&h not included).

Bonus! The first 500 paid orders receives the exclusive 3-D die-cast resin Neck-Snappin' Action attachable Sound FX accessory at no extra charge!

Tags: Spider-Man Gwen Stacy Comiquette

Cool Golden Age Page of the Day: What! A gorilla in your hotel room!

From Exciting Comics #8 (March 1941).

Tags: Golden Age

Buh-Bye

It's no secret I have no tolerance and hold contempt for the purveyors of woo-woo and those who manipulate the gullible, scared and stupid using fear, hate and religion. I was, while not ecstatic like some at the passing of a human being who very likely had some honestly terrifying and painful final moments, was at least in a way relieved to hear of the passing of Jerry Falwell. My feelings come not from joy but rather from a place where you finally let go of the worry you held when you realize that a bully can no longer hurt or abuse anyone.

It doesn't matter if Jerry Falwell spent all his free time performing emergency air-lifts of blind, orphaned puppies from the middle of an African genocide zone and found them new homes with loving families after personally paying for sight-restoring surgery out of his own pockets. The man was a hypocritical bigot with what I hope was only a passing fancy with reality, because if he was not actually troubled mentally then his actions were those of a corrupt, evil person.

Chris Hitchens recently appeared on CNN with his own unique eulogy (using facts, mind you, not made up stuff) countering the slack-jawed, fawning praise others are spreading about the departed Reverend. His peers, who are probably pimping to be his replacement in the dim minds of Jerry's temporarily adrift followers slash cash machines ignore what the Reverend was like in their race to praise him while on camera. Hitchens is rapidly becoming one of my heroes. He is so scary smart that I'm sure he confuses and frightens all the Little Brains in the ranks of the Legion of Stupids. You can see his CNN appearance about Falwell here at Crooks & Liars.

Tags: Christopher Hitchens Jerry Falwell Crooks & Liars

Thanks, When Fangirls Attack!

I noticed this morning the May 16th issue of the online New York Post included a quote from my opinion about the Mary Jane Comiquette. The quote was slightly out of context but really, with the New York Post is there any other kind? Now to parlay this newfound exposure into a book and movie deal!

Click picture for full article

Update: Fox News also quoted me.
Update: MSNBC doesn't read the article either! (They rewrote the article today to remove quotes).

Thanks, When Fangirls Attack!

Disclaimer: In the event of fame and fortune I owe you nothing.

Tags: Spider-Man Mary Jane Watson Media

DARWIN IS MY POPE

Tags: Charles Darwin Evolution Reality

How do you like me now, John?

Why were Jessica Alba's facial features changed for the international promotional art of the Fantastic Four - Rise of the Silver Surfer movie? Only part of her face resembles Alba any longer and is oddly asymmetrical now.

Maybe it was to fool movie-goers into believing someone who could act was in the sequel. I kid! I'm a guy, I love her. Who cares if she can act? At least until she hits 30th birthday, don't you know. Then she better be on a par with Kate Blanchett if she wants my movie dollars.

Still, strange to change her as if she wasn't attractive or appealing enough for the foreign market. The other cast members who are male (even the one with make-up prosthetics), appear realistically accurate in the Marvel promo art.

Tags: Jessica Alba Fantastic Four


What do you mean by "John" in the title?

Tostitos endorses Evolution

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Just for the non-woo woo, biology-based, rational commercial alone a giant, faceless corporation has a new friend in me.

I saw a commercial for Tostitos flour tortilla chips on television the other day and was stunned and overjoyed. A little girl continually presses her father for answers by repeatedly asking "Why?" and the response isn't "Because!" like you might expect a frustrated parent to respond with in a funny commercial. The answer that finally satisfies her is one based in rational thought. So far I can only find the commercial on You Tube and if you haven't watched it you should before it vanishes or fades quietly away. The commercial itself isn't on the official Tostitos web site in spite of being out for a month or more and because of the content I suspect it may never be.

I know the party won't last because the company will ultimately worry about profits and boycotts and image and will inevitably screw up or fold under pressure from the faceless Legion of Stupids that seem to populate this country but I'll enjoy it while I can. The young actress in the commercial is precious and the message to her from her parents is heartening to see. Maybe reality is starting to seep into pop culture?

Just because, click the picture to see the Tostitos 'Why?" commercial.

Tags: Reality Tostitos

Bad Art from the Silver Age of Comics!

I get that Doctor Don Blake is lame as a way of being taught humility, but veteran comic book artist Al Hartley portrayed him way back in 1963 as if he was one of those novelty soda bottles that gets heated until it can be all stretched out and twisted. Truthfully, the idea of Blake being severely disabled (as opposed to having what arguably could be called an affectation) and barely able to function until he transforms into Thor is very intriguing. But I don't think this was what Hartley was going for due to the generally awful layouts throughout the story. It may be that Hartley pencilled and inked this issue on a very tight deadline but this is just painful to read, like the current New X-Men or the Wonder Man limited series.

Click for a slideshow of more twisted fun

I have no idea what Marvel was doing here. Blake is more anatomically incorrect than Supergirl. Well, at least it wasn't Colletta inking Kirby.

Pages from Journey Into Mystery #90 (March 1963).

Tags: Bad art

Memsers!

Whatchacallit...blame Chris.Tags: Meme

Have a Marvelous Mother's Day!

Ultron loved his Mother so much that he tried to marry her! That is not good. Don't be like Ultron and try to transfer your Mom's brain into an empty metal shell so you can have your own creepy personal love doll. Do like I did and take her to lunch and buy her some non-creepy stuff from the mall.

These days, having failed after numerous attempts to steal Janet Van Dyne away from his father, Ultron now inhabits an uber-hot clone of her body. Go figure.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

This Oedipal moment is from Avengers #162 (August 1977).

Tags: Mother's Day Avengers

World War Hulk 1961!

In the comic book event World War Hulk, Marvel has the exiled Hulk return to earth after the good intentions of some super heroes goes awry, their actions eventually killing all the people the Hulk cared about on his new, adopted world. Understandably the Hulk is pretty angry and seeks revenge on all those he felt wronged him. I'm looking forwards to it because I like the character and get a kick out of the whole Hulk Smash! aspect. Comic books need to have plenty of hitting things and blowing stuff up. Without it you may just as well read a regular novel, what some people call a "real book".

But did you know there was a World War Hulk story back in 1961? Not only did it feature a character also called the Hulk (later re-named Xemnu the Titan for those of you not up on your Marvel history) but it only took 2 issues to tell the entire exciting story! In Journey Into Mystery #62 (November 1960), a giant furry alien called the Hulk escaped from a space prison and crashed onto the planet Earth.

Unable to conquer his home planet the Hulk set out to take control of the Earth with the unwitting assistance of a scientist who should have known better. Erroneously believing that any highly-advanced race of aliens couldn't possibly be evil the scientist revives the comatose Hulk. Of course, things go horribly wrong for Earth as the revived alien embarks upon a plan to attack his home world, using the populace of the Earth as his slaves. Using his scary mind powers the furry Hulk easily took control of the planet and was defeated only when a scientist tricked the Hulk into getting into a spaceship, exiling the creature into space. Does that seem familiar? That is because it has happened a few times since Journey Into Mystery #62. It not only occurred in the Planet Hulk story arc but also in the original 6 issue run of the Incredible Hulk series from way back in May of 1962.
A few months later in Journey Into Mystery #66 (March 1961) the Hulk returned, and this time it was personal!
Using his alien powers of super hypnotism the Hulk forced a passing meteor to smash into his prison ship, causing it to crash land onto Earth once more and freeing him from the makeshift prison.
The furry Hulk, having returned from a forced exile in space returns to Earth and declares war on mankind.
While the Hulk could easily conquer the Earth once more by using hypnotism as he did previously, he is pretty annoyed and prefers to use his superior hitting powers to force humanity into subjugation.
Eventually, the scientist the Hulk hates above all other humans shows up in town. Humanity can be saved from the rampaging Hulk if the scientist can exact his plan. Enraged, the Hulk delays his plans of planetary Armageddon for the chance to smash the human that had once outwitted him. The theme of the Hulk hating a puny scientist is one that would be used later in the Bruce Banner/Hulk dynamic and would essentially remain the status quo for decades until Bill Mantlo and Peter David explored in greater depth and evolved the concept.

The Hulk thinks the human will be easy to destroy but unbeknownst to him, the scientist has a crazy plan that just might work. The brave scientist would ultimately defeat the Hulk with the one thing he had no defense against...His own power! In the early 1960s all that excitement cost a reader a grand total of 20 cents! Even adjusted for inflation, what will the current World War Hulk story, cross-overs and tie-ins cost? The again, can you really put a price on quality entertainment, even if it is kind of recycled from 40 years ago? I think Marvel and Civil War answered that question already!

I suspect that the current World War Hulk comic book event will end in a similar fashion as the one from 1961. The 2007 Hulk will be forced to look into another kind of mirror and examine the motivations behind his rampage and surrender to the authorities or at least, return to the old status quo of being hunted by the military and hounded by various super heroes wherever he goes.

Tags: Hulk Marvel

Fantastic Four #7: Fixed it for you, Jack

Man, I do love Jack Kirby but...wow...he could draw people as incredibly ugly! Especially the women. Yeesh!

Fantastic Four #7 (October 1962).

Tags: Bad Art Kirby

Monsters from the Id!

Sometimes a train is just a train, but when I saw this scene of one smashing into a furry monster at the entrance to a subway tunnel, for some reason "treachery" and "ironic" were not the first words that came to mind.

Panel from Where Monsters Dwell #13 (January 1972).

Tags: Seduction of the Innocent Freudian

Mary Jane, the other white meat

There is a lot being said about the inappropriateness of the Housewife Gone Wild Mary Jane Watson-Parker Comiquette that is being advertised and I can't really defend it, much as I would like to. Looking at the statue from the perspective of someone who appreciates the classic Good Girl Art of the 40s and 50s I can understand the statue's place in the genre, but I also get why so many find it offensive, though some the reactions from both the pro and anti-statue factions is equally bizarre.
The statue and others like it are being produced right at a time when, like the in the 60s, comic books are supposedly going through a period of growth and maturity as an art form. The statue represents a big step backwards for those concerned about the state and future of comic books. It could be worse, though. Fans should be grateful that MJ isn't portrayed in the style of an Art Frahm pin-up, tangled in the leash of the Spectacular Spider-Dog with her panties fallen down around her ankles while carry a bag of groceries.

Why do I think the term "Comiquette" is soon going to be co-opted and mean something else entirely?

Janet Van Dyne: "Oh, my gawd. Did you see She-Hulk today?"
Carol Danvers: "Yeah, she's turned into such a Comiquette."

On the other hand, if the statue was of Mary Jane Watsow-Porker washing out the costume of the Spectacular Spider-Ham, I'd buy it in a second.

Tags: Spider-Man Seduction of the Innocent

How to Draw Comics the Marvel Way!

Step 1) Put your pencil on the paper.

Step 2) Continually apply 10,000 volts to testicles, making sure to not lift pencil from drawing surface.

Step 3) Submit results to Marvel for publication.

Step 4) Profit!

I thought the art in New X-Men #38 was bad, but that is some heinous stuff.

Page from Wonder Man #5 (June 2007).

Tags: Bad art Marvel

The Invisible Woman of 1957

There is a sort of a general interest from hard core comic book fans and even a small collector's market for the prototype "first appearances" of characters that at least for Marvel could be found published in the science fiction and horror anthology titles of the 1950s as one-shot stories. These early character concepts of what would later be established figures of the Marvel lines shouldn't be considered "dry runs" so much as space filler for the varied books Atlas/Marvel was producing at the time. In most cases the character being tweaked and retooled and used again is likely a coincidence. Creators working to provide a large amount of steady content would inevitably produce an idea or two that would have similarities to something that would be used later in other books. This isn't to say that some ideas were not purposefully recycled as a favorite theme of the creators or as proof-of-concept stories like DC's first Supergirl story that predated the Silver Age version of Kara Zor-El.

There were a few stories during the Atlas and pre-Fantastic Four era of Marvel where ideas that appeared previously were later seen again in launching the company's foray into super hero comics. The original "Hulk" was later revived as Xemnu the Titan and there was even a prototype Thing before the first appearance of Ben Grimm in the Fantastic Four. The story of Ant-Man began as non-heroic scientist Hank Pym accidentally shrunk himself and faced peril. Doctor Druid/Doctor Strange had a prototype mystic in a recurring series though that may be a bit of a stretch to compare Strange to anything other than the basic idea of a magician adventurer considering where Ditko took the series once he hit his stride. The mutant Tad Carter appeared in Amazing Fantasy #14 in what I long considered an early depiction of Professor Xavier and the tale itself was probably recycled from an earlier story long before the debut of the X-Men. John Byrne later revisited Tad Carter in one of his series in a story arc I have chosen to ignore ever happened.

One of those early character concepts that was used to great success much later was originally published in Journey Into Mystery #43 (February 1957). In that issue of the Atlas title there is a story featuring a character somewhat similar to the Invisible Girl, who appeared several years before the debut of the flagship character in Fantastic Four #1 (November 1961). The story features an unseen assassin known only as the Invisible Woman. The invisible assassin is terrorizing the populace of a communist country by murdering in a public venue those people hostile to the Marxist power structure. It is revealed during the story that the killings are performed through trickery by commies the better to scare helpless civilians into obeying their rule out of the fear that they can be severely punished, publicly, anytime and anywhere with no means to defend themselves. In a twist that is typical of the stories of the time a real Invisible Woman makes herself known to the leadership after taunting them and stealing their secret documents, undoing their nefarious plans of brutal oppression of the working peoples who only yearn to breathe free.

Click to make visible!

It is interesting that in 1957 the freedom-loving Olga was referred to as a Woman, whereas a few years later by 1961 Susan Storm, one fourth of the Fantastic Four was labeled as the presumably less-threatening sobriquet of Girl. I think the reasons for this are obvious from the viewpoint of selling comic books on the news stands. To a young boy, who were the primary market for comic books in the early 1960s, "women" are scary adults and are authority figures like a Mom who could send you to your room, while "girls" are seen as harmless like a little sister you can push around or as the occasion demands, protect from bullies. Olga was an accomplished, gun-wielding, confident cold war secret agent who infiltrated the corridors of power and bravely let an underground faction of scientists experiment on her. In contrast Sue Storm spent several decades as a professional hostage who whined a lot and worried if she would be loved. It wasn't until the 1980s that Sue changed her name from Girl to Woman (even though her personality had matured a bit in recent years thanks to various creative teams) under the scripting of John Byrne and then only after she was traumatized by a super-villain.
Tags: Invisible Woman


Note: Even earlier there was a 1940s comedy science fiction film called The Invisible Woman but all one could possibly learn from that flick is that when women and booze get together appearance is no longer important. You need to have seen the film to understand what I mean.

Countdown to DANCING!

This preview art from DC Comics is a nice, though generic, teaser presumably showing which heroes will be prominently featured in the upcoming series, Countdown. Everyone looks pretty serious as they rush into the front lines of the fight. Superman has blazing eyes, Batman is grim and determined and even Power Girl looks tough enough to draw attention from her assets. Everyone in the group has the strong, no-nonsense dynamic poses of heroes about to take care of business. Everyone that is...except for Kyle (Ion) Raynor.

What the heck is he doing? Is he skipping into battle? This just goes with my theory that everyone at DC secretly hates Kyle and makes sure he is always shown as a goofy bimbo, so future generations of comic book fans* will not hold him the same mythic and yet deserved high regard as Hal, John or G'nort.

Tags: DC Comics Countdown Green Lantern


* Assuming they ever get the chance to reproduce.

Grocery Store Artifact: She's a good study

Early this morning while I was covering the register at the grocery store a young woman hurriedly comes to my lane. She is continually gagging and dry-heaving as she drops her purchase onto the belt. Alarmed, I ask the customer if she is ill and between uncontrolled woofing noises she states that she is okay. I'm doubtful, but being a compassionate sort (at least while on the clock) I give her a plastic bag and several paper towels just in case she is unable to hold back and becomes ill while at the register or later when in her car. Her sole purchase?

An early pregnancy test kit.
Yeah, I think she aced that particular exam.

Tags: Grocery Store Artifact

LOL Naturz

Tags: Catblogging Tornado lolcat Hell Express

Comic Book Censorship: Changed Ending

This story from Strange Mysteries #10 (1963, reprinted from Strange #2, 1957) is about Wilbur, a bland man who dies and is sent to limbo. He is unqualified for either Heaven or Hell because in life he was so bland he never did anything particularly good or bad, so he is barred from entering an after-life realm unless one of the deities agrees to let him enter. After hearing his appeals God and Satan both reject Wilbur and he gets a chance to return to Earth and live again, this time to spend the remainder of his life being more than a passive spectator.
What is worthy about the story to note is that the panel art seems to tell a different climax to the tale than the narrative. If the text is ignored, Wilbur appears angered and murderous, hands clutched preparatory to strangling the woman silhouetted in the upstairs window of the house. The images as drawn would fit the usual style of the "twist" ending common with the crime and horror comic books of a slightly earlier era. In 1957 when the story was originally published and in 1963 when reprinted, the Comics Code was in full swing and the story was likely to have been changed to have a happier ending more in line with comic book decency standards.

Tags: Seduction of the Innocent

Grocery Store Artifact: We hate you more

There is a fauxism* in retail that "The customer is always right." Let me tell you a little secret...We all hate you customers for it. The reason being is that most customers act like privileged a-holeoids eternally offended that they have to dirty their gloves by shopping and actually having to meet the people who really support their lifestyle.

Listen up, Sport. The cashiers are there to help you get what you want and they want as much as you do to get the business finished as quickly as possible. It is in the script to welcome you, ask if you need any carry out service and wish you a fond farewell so don't give us any crap about it.

Here's some guidelines for when you when buy your sugar-frosted and grease-packed groceries.

1) Hang Up The Phone. There are other customers behind you and it is irritating that you can't stop yammering for 4 minutes to pay attention to what you are doing. Funny that someone who seems to take such pride in communicating your opinion to you friend who is going through her 5th meltdown over the cute guy who won't call back can't clearly communicate to the cashier what they want. Yes, yes, we are so very impressed by your need to do business in line at the grocery store. You are so fast-paced and important at what you do! Guess what? Unless you are Donald Trump negotiating a billion dollar deal for prime New York real estate I think that the half-senile old woman you are pressuring into buying a Sleep Number Bed can wait a few minutes. Her social security check will still be there when you call back. Also, don't be insulting by signing off your cell phone call by sneering "I'll call you back. I have to deal with the cashier now." I don't see you out on the veldt hunting down your own food, so a little courtesy to the people on this end of the supply chain.

2) Don't Wait To Tell Us What You Want. See item #1. I can't stress enough that you need to pay attention. It annoys us that after we spend time ringing up and bagging the order you realize you were too busy or inattentive to ask for "double paper bags in plastic bags". While we are slightly annoyed (only because it isn't fair to the people waiting in line behind you) we don't really care. Because if we wait on only one customer all day we still get paid for it and we will gladly unpack and then repack everything to your satisfaction. Except maybe a few eggs get broken by "accident" during the process.

3) We Are Not Trying To Rip You Off. Honest. Don't shriek in a venomous rant that you are being misled by advertising or the fine print. Read the darn tag, please. Also, if you find a non-sale item on a shelf with sale items and the product is wildly different don't insist that it was on purpose to fool you into buying it. Customers often put items where they don't belong. Finding a box of Dixie Cups six aisles down from where it is supposed to be stocked crammed among the potato chips that are on sale may be a clue that the cups are not discounted and have been misplaced by someone. But guess what? We want your business so badly we'll probably discount them for you anyway. Your ranting just makes you look crazy, so calm down.

4) Stop Trying To Rip Us Off. We mean it. Don't tear open two bags of dough balls at the back seam and shove one inside the other. When bagging your purchase we will probably notice. We are diplomatic enough to ask if you want a replacement for the "damaged" product and not accuse you of shoplifting but it is stupid to risk embarrassment and jail for 89 cents worth of dough balls. Stop using the Self Scan Register to put one over on us by scanning a coupon and then shoving a piece of blank paper in the slot so you can repeatedly use the same coupon. Quit printing out your own bar codes and sticking them on the expensive items. We will notice that the bottle of $90 wine is ringing up for $3.99. Trust me. That is why when you come up to the register with 40 bottles of alcohol and tell us "they are all the same" we still insist on scanning them individually. Hey, and sales have a definite expiration date, by the way. We are embarrassed for you when you come in seeking to get the pork chops at last week's price.

5) Take Your Meds Before Shopping. Please. None of us are paid to deal with the craziness some customers exhibit. The raging rants against pigeons, the OCD, trembling shakes and paranoia is something you should leave at home. It will make everyone happier and I won't have to hide the pointy things.

6) Control Your Spawn. Hey, I honestly don't care if your hyper-active kids keep pressing the wrong buttons on the Point of Sale pad. It's cute to see the kids trying to emulate Mommy. It would be nice if you saved that for a time when 6 people were not in line behind you. That said, don't get upset with us if after the third time the pin number was entered incorrectly the bank automatically shuts your card off because three attempts to run your ATM card meets the criteria for someone trying to fraudulently access your account. Don't think I did not see them chewing on the bagels you conveniently forgot to tell me you gave them while shopping, that's why they are on the bill. If you want free food go to a homeless shelter. Don't get upset with us if we ring up an item your kid put onto the belt without you noticing. We can't read your mind and from your alarming choice of diet, we certainly can't tell if you don't allow the kid to eat Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bars. We will be glad to void the item.

7) Don't Be So Touchy. It is in our official script to ask if you want any of our World-Class Carry Out Service. It's great that you are 95 years old and can still take care of yourself so please don't get angry about it. Then again, I've seen how difficult it is for you to pull 5 dollars out of your wallet so maybe you could understand why I'm offering to have one of our guys help load your car. Don't get me started on the fact that you are still driving. Don't be embarrassed about your purchases and deflect attention from what you are buying by being a jerk. When you buy petroleum jelly, duct tape, hot sauce, vodka, rope, cucumbers and contraceptives we are professional enough not to call you a freak. We are thinking it, though.

8) Don't Be A Cheap Bastard. Go ahead and make sure you get your discounts and correct prices. It is your money and you shouldn't waste it. However don't ask for two cents from the cashier's pocket to cover the remainder of the bill because you don't want to break a quarter and then have to deal with the horror of having loose change cluttering your purse.

9) Sort Your Stuff. Don't be an idiot and put your veggies, light bulbs, bread and other crunchables at the front of the belt. Put those up last so we can put those on top of the heavy smashing things and not under them. We don't expect everything sorted by size and ingredients but help us help you by having some order to your items. Keep the chemicals, meat, cold and hot items all together and not all mixed up. From what I see each day regarding customers it makes me wonder how many of those reports of tainted food is actually caused by oblivious consumers doing stupid things like laying the bottle of drain clog remover on top of the fresh vegetables on the belt. Put the heavy and extra large items on the belt first or leave them in the cart. We usually have the codes for all the big stuff we can enter by hand, saving us and you on all the lifting. It makes it easier for us to pack and reload into your cart. Unless you tweaked back and forth all over the store you probably put the items into the cart in groups, take it out the same way.

10) Get On With It. See all previous items. You may not be aware of the fact that cashiers are evaluated by how quickly and efficiently they do their job. This is measured by computer. The cashier register database records how many scans we do, how many key errors are made and if they are corrected and how fast we do our job. Below a certain percentage of efficiency the cashier can lose their position. So it hurts our stats when we do our job with awesome skill and you are staring off into space or chattering with a friend. The clock is ticking and by delaying the end of the job order you are taking food out of the mouths of my children. I want you gone, you want to be gone, the people in line waiting for you to shut up and hand me cash want you to be gone and no one really cares about your broken windshield or child's soccer team. We just pretend to.

Tags: Grocery Store Artifact San Diego


*I made up another new word!

Cool Golden Age Page of the Day: Stupid soldier, atomic force waves are for kids!

Sweet, sweet Golden Age of Comic Books! This Flash Gordon ripoff is almost Fletcher Hanksian in its absurdity. Still awesome, though.

The Space Rovers from Exciting Stories #8 (February 1941).

It is hilarious that both the captions and dialog repeatedly explain what is going on in the panels. It is like Chris Claremont had access to a time machine and went to work for Better Comics.

Bonus Panel with COMEDY GOLD dialog!

"From now on we'll probably have to use our wits and fists!"

Joy!

Tags: Golden Age

Sleestak's Review: Spider-Man 3

Too much, too much shoved into one film.

As a fan, I wished the creators would have just remained with the homage of the 1950s monster movie. With just that premise the film would have been less cluttered and been much more enjoyable. The movie started with creepy promise with a scene right out of the atom-age Cold War B-movies that I enjoy so much, even though the coincidence of the parasite's landing site to Peter Parker's night out was a bit much. I would rather have seen the parasite witness Spider-Man breaking up a bank heist and then deciding that Spidey was a superior host than the unhealthy, homeless park-dweller it may have initially latched onto, but that is just me.

With nearly every scene of the film I ran an alternate and preferred one in my head (and no, they didn't feature Spider-Man and Bryce Dallas Howard doing kinky things).

The movie then gets rushed into going nowhere fast, like a careless driver speeding to get to a red light. One of the story elements that bothered me is that many scenes seemed, like that pod-race Star Wars film, designed solely for the purpose of generating content for the Spider-Man 3 video game.

The inclusion of the Sandman and the back story was just not needed as the Venom and Eddie Brock story could have been enough. A highlight was that the greatest villain of the piece of course was not the Sandman or Venom but was instead Peter Parker himself. The parasite goaded Peter into being more confident and showed what could happen if he stopped hiding his talents, but soon he changed into an abusive bully. While it was good that Peter was characterized to be his own worst enemy as it is often in the comics, was it really required that not just one, but two villains are showcased to show Peter what he could become if he abused responsibility and power?

My Rating: 5 Ditko Faces out of possible 10

Tags: Spider-Man 3

Comic Book PSA: Haunted House?

From Black Cat Western Comics #16 (March 1949).

Tags: Comic Book PSA

Friday Catblogging

Socks are the new slippers. All this within an hour after I vacuumed.

Stupid cats. This house will never be clean again.

Tags: Catblogging

My new word

During a conversation today at work I made up a new word that will surely be immortalized in all the big dictionaries by next year:

LUSHBIAN

A Lushbian is defined as a woman who usually acts heterosexual but becomes all kissy-face with other women when they are all really drunk.

Tags: Language Sexist

Comic Book Ad: It's all fun and games until someone puts out an artery

I really hope that back in 1963, Mom and Dad were paying attention to what Junior was sending away for from his comic book advertisements. If the launcher performed as claimed then I pity all the neighborhood bullies, unwary pets, stray notebooks and kid siblings that must have been shot by big brother wielding the thing.

From Strange Mysteries #10 (1963).

Tags: Comic Book Ad

Boom Chicka Wow Wow!

Ding-Dong!

"Hello, who's there?

"Super Telephone Repairman! You reported trouble with your...hotline?"

"Oh, wow! That was fast service!"

"We...aim to please."

"My...I bet you do!"

Thanks, Miss...Zatanna, is it? So, where's the phone?"

"It's in the bedroom, of course. Walk this way."

"Lady, if I could walk that way I'd throw out my back."

"Ha ha, you sure are funny, Super Telephone Repairman. I like that."

"That's a totally sexy outfit you are almost wearing."
"These old things? It is so...hot...and steamy...in here that I always walk around wearing a bustier, thigh-high fishnet stockings and under-sized thong. Say, you fill out that unitard pretty well yourself. Why don't you sit here beside me on the bed while you...work."

Boom Chicka Wow Wow!

Panel from Superman #662 (May 2007).

Tags: Seduction of the Innocent Superman Zatanna

Brothers under the skin

Comic book aficionados of the Silver Age have often explored how two such different characters as the staid, boring Barry (Flash) Allen could be such good friends with Hal Jordan, the cosmic Green Lantern, ladies' man and hot shot bad boy. All the explanations I have read so far veer into extremely detailed fan-wank and doesn't really make much sense as the characterizations are usually tweaked to fit the premise of the fan. I however, have the final explanation as to the strong friendship shared by the Flash and Green Lantern, overlooked by all since 1959 yet readily available to comic book historians nonetheless.

From The Flash #109 (Oct-Nov 1959), here is the secret behind their friendship.
In light of this scene, their relationship makes perfect sense now.

Tags: Silver Age Flash Green Lantern

Creepy Older Men

Never mind why Dick Grayson had to pretend to Lois Lane that he was long retired from crime fighting and now working at the Daily Planet and that several decades had passed Lois by. The real question is why no one, including Lois, thought it anything other than normal that a 45 year old Dick Grayson was wearing his old Robin costume to work every day .

From Lois Lane #6 (January 1959).

Tags: Silver Age Lois Lane Robin

I wish he could have just told the unpleasant truth

The real reason behind war with Iraq is simple. Seeing the writing on the wall that the United States was no longer welcome in Saudi Arabia, the rest of the industrialized world needed a semi-stable oasis in the mid-east to set up shop and provide influence and hopefully, political and economic pressures to keep the oil flowing without interruption.

Like it or not, the sheer ugly truth is that every nation on Earth is dependent on oil, can't function without it and requires that oil is made available at a manageable and predictable rate. Any large and powerful country simply will not allow their infrastructure and society to be threatened by exterior market forces.

It is also true that the average citizen is unable to comprehend or accept the need behind such maneuvering, so unfortunately the Bush Administration had to make up a bunch of stuff about WMD's so the public could accept the need for a righteous and just war. There is no way America would have been able to announce their plan to invade a foreign country simply because every nation in the middle east region is hostile to the world at large, politically and socially unstable and that for their purposes, Iraq was the easiest place to set up a beachhead for Western interests. Deposing a Dictator who is a clear danger to innocent people is an excuse that might have actually worked, found WMD's or not, or at least been somewhat tolerable in the end and to history if not for the entire crew of corrupt Government, Military and civilian scumbags squandering the goodwill of the citizens by lining their pockets and mishandling every crisis to come their way over the course of the past several years.

America has proven time and again that when they don't mess around and get distracted they are quite capable of accomplishing a mission, even an unpopular one, capably and humanely. But as story after story broke about media malfeasance, negligence, hubris, Constitutional shenanigans, incompetence and fraud on the part of those running the war any support swiftly eroded and many people changed their opinion against those in charge. Sadly, the current administration can never, ever take steps to actually repair their mistakes. To do so would be to admit that thousands of people were pushed to participate in a war built on distractions and spin.

Tags: Iraq

The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.

Call me crazy, but this Stop Violence Against Women sign sure has some suggestive imagery about it.
Did the designer purposely use vaginal imagery in the word NOW in order to make a point about how cultures portray women as little more than an orifice? Could it also be the design of the lettering has the intention of empowering females by re-claiming as their own an image that is often used in sexist art, or am I reading to much into it and it is just a coincidence?

I understand that NOW has been around a while but I'm a guy and don't usually pay attention to that stuff.

Tags: Violence Women Feminism

Cool Golden Age Page of the Day: A Rare Delicacy

That is one hairy Roman! His name is Romey, believe it or not. Romey the Roman.

From Jungle Comics #7 (July 1940). Art by George Tuska.

And what Golden Age story would be complete without a hearty "Ho! Guards!" from the villain?
Insane concepts like Cannibalistic Monkey Men unapologetically told straight-faced without any attempt at camp is what made the Golden Age of comics so great.

Tags: Golden Age